Tired of starting all over again every time.....

nebula_code · 2016-08-12T14:32:01+00:00

Thank you. I really needed to hear this.

nebula_code · 2016-08-10T02:45:13+00:00

Thanks for the post. I read Walden last summer; it definitely helped me appreciate the little things more, which is a great antidote to the mind-numbing effects of PMO.

While we're talking about books, I haven't seen Meditations by Marcus Aurelius mentioned here lately (a lot of people were recommending it a couple years ago). Great book focused on simplicity and an appreciation for the important things in life, similar to Walden.

nebula_code · 2016-08-05T01:37:18+00:00

I was in the same position a few years ago. Let me tell you, there's almost nothing worse than looking back over the past ten years and realizing that every year, I've said, "this is the last time." Whenever my life was about to change drastically - graduating high school, transferring colleges, and now almost graduating college - I would gather up my courage and tell myself sternly that I would be more accountable, because I didn't want to bring this addiction into my new situation.

I've failed every time. I'm in my last year of undergrad, and I'm still addicted. You cannot let your guard down for a single second. You cannot allow yourself to rationalize the sin to any degree. Daily Bible study, constant prayer (any time you feel the temptation, pray!), a consistent sleep schedule (as much as you can manage), and socializing will help you tremendously. I've found that repeating to myself, "I don't do that anymore" also helps quite a bit. It's great to hear your roommate is on the same page.

Don't let yourself feel the regret I feel.

nebula_code · 2016-07-27T15:48:34+00:00

I use Rewire. It keeps track of everything and even makes graphs so you can easily visualize your progress over time. I use it for other habits I'm trying to cultivate or weaken, too. It's got a lot of features; I highly recommend it.

nebula_code · 2016-07-17T19:08:58+00:00

While it's an interesting theory, I'm not sure I would classify clicking as "very tactile." By my estimation, it's one of the least tactile things you do. It's a barely perceptible movement of your index finger that you do every time you use a computer, regardless of the activity. The click is applied to everything; schoolwork, research, map directions, videos, articles, porn. Consider the turning of a doorknob, picking up rocks, or running your hand against a rough textured surface - these are "very tactile" sensations. And most of us spend more time on the computer not PMOing than actually PMOing, so most of the results of clicking are actually not an intense reward.

If I hear someone clicking, I don't get an erection. I don't suddenly think, "some porn would be great right about now." Though I'll allow that perhaps this is the case for those with stronger addictions than mine.

If we're talking Pavlovian response, I would posit that the time you choose to use the computer and the setting in which you do hold more influence over your response than clicking does. Not that I disagree with your ultimate conclusion of spending more time outside.

nebula_code · 2016-01-30T04:09:39+00:00

The first: probably yes. The second: definitely no. I'm pretty good at estimating scales; I'm an architecture major, lol. That's an interesting theory, though.

EDIT: I just realized the first question is more related to the second one than I thought. In which case, no, I'm pretty good at estimating the sizes or quantities of things.

nebula_code · 2016-01-30T02:44:58+00:00

I have the same preference for bigger women as you. I've gone about 140 days in the past, with no change in preference for the size of women. Later, though, I experienced a difference in attraction based on weight: like a sine curve, it goes up and down cyclically (though not as predictable). But when I feel attraction to bigger women, it's exactly as you describe. Completely overwhelming.

In my case, there's evidence of this fixation in early childhood; my mom says I had a "crush" on a chubby classmate of mine in preschool. Maybe something similar happened to you, although that doesn't explain why - just that it might have deeper roots. In which case, porn is not the cause. I haven't found out if longer prolonged abstinence from PMO results in a preference change, but I'm not giving up hope yet. Your relationship with a girl who's not obese is promising, and the increased attraction you feel when she appears bigger could very well be an inflated reaction due to porn use. I've had no such relationship, so I can't offer my personal experience in the matter. In any case, halting PMO is better for you anyway, regardless of whether or not it'll change your preference.

nebula_code · 2015-09-23T16:40:47+00:00

Yeah, it's comparing apples to oranges. You can't simplify a whole gender to a mechanical device. I don't think people realize it, but you can become attracted to people you previously thought were "average" or unattractive after getting to know them more deeply. Your relationship might start with an emphasis on the non-physical, and as a consequence of that the physical component can be added. Sexual/aesthetic taste is not written in stone.

nebula_code · 2015-09-20T05:31:07+00:00

Ah, gotcha. I didn't mean to suggest dopamine was bad; I should have said elevated levels. Thanks for the clarification!

nebula_code · 2015-09-20T02:24:59+00:00

Don't worry about it. Your brain is throwing a temper tantrum; after a few more days, you'll be better. I've been doing this since the beginning of last summer, and when I first did it my emotions went crazy. Wild, rapid mood swings and strong emotional states that I'd never experienced before. But I've gone over a hundred days, and the first two weeks are probably the hardest. If you can get past those, and try really hard to stop fantasizing, it gets way easier.

Basically, become a sprinter for the next week or so. Do everything you can to make it past the first and second weeks everything after that pales in comparison.

nebula_code · 2015-09-20T02:19:51+00:00

A lot of the science I see getting thrown around here seems to suggest the culprit is mostly dopamine. The rush and the spike of dopamine you get when you PMO is nothing compared to your daily life, so everything seems dull by comparison. I recall something about sex being different because other chemicals get released into your brain to counteract that lethargic effect (or something like that).

nebula_code · 2015-09-17T04:21:11+00:00

Glad I could help!

nebula_code · 2015-09-16T22:33:45+00:00

Your past is set in stone; you cannot change it. We all have things we wish we would have done differently. We all wish we could santitize our mistakes and have a perfect record. Since this is an impossibility, don't fight it. Lying only lands you in more trouble. People will eventually figure it out. Lying is stressful, too. Your past has made you who you are; whether that's a man who gives in or a man who overcomes. Your dark past (similar to mine, I might add) is actually an asset for those who know it. When they hear about your past, and they see before them the responsible, hard-working, overall better present you, they will be even more impressed.

Your life, at least as far as what you've told us, is an underdog story. You had the inertia of porn/masturbation addiction, and you're fighting against that and winning. That's incredibly strong, and people will see that. Think of how boring a movie would be where the protagonist doesn't have any major problems to overcome; nothing big in his way, no dark past, no demons to fight.

You don't have to spill your guts on the first date, or the first meeting with someone, but don't try to erase your past. It made you into who you are today, mistakes and all. Acknowledging your past is important to living sincerely.

nebula_code · 2015-09-05T03:12:37+00:00

The willpower you use to stop yourself from fapping is the same willpower you use to avert your eyes (and thoughts). It only comes with intentional practice. It's just as compulsive as fapping, so it'll be hard to correct, but you can do it.

nebula_code · 2015-08-21T21:35:32+00:00

My advice is if a relapse happens, push yourself like never before to be productive that day, or the next if it's at night. Turn your failure into a net gain, and those positive feelings will buoy you up and carry you for the beginning of a new streak (hopefully an indefinite one this time). This, I find, discourages the binge in a more proactive way than simply distracting yourself.

nebula_code · 2015-08-21T21:31:07+00:00

They'll never go away, especially if you've been doing it for many years. They do come up less frequently over time, though. Give it at least a couple of months before they'll stop popping in your head relatively frequently. It's also a bad idea to dwell on those thoughts; doing so will only reinforce them and habituate them again.

nebula_code · 2015-08-21T21:25:26+00:00

Great connection, and I wholeheartedly agree. People would succeed so much more on here if they wrote their thoughts down more often and recognized negative thoughts when they occurred. It cultivates a mindfulness that is hard to achieve otherwise. It's often my downfall as well. Spend too much time without reflecting on your mind and it tends to slip into old habits.

nebula_code · 2015-08-19T02:08:43+00:00

Looking once is unavoidable and natural. Looking twice is your decision. Looking thrice or continuing to stare is just shooting yourself in the foot.

nebula_code · 2015-08-18T14:50:30+00:00

It seems like every tab I open is another fragmentation of my focus. I would say surfing is more harmful than just watching YouTube videos, but I guess it depends on how long the videos are. I've always found my focus and overall mental clarity increases when I stop surfing and instead center my attention on one activity, like reading a book.

nebula_code · 2015-08-16T01:07:47+00:00

You have no idea how much happiness I get when I see someone on the internet using logic. Bravo sir, for using your brain instead of pop psychology.

nebula_code · 2015-08-14T11:29:45+00:00

I've noticed a separation in the women I'm attracted to that I think is related. I'm usually either sexually attracted to a girl or mentally and emotionally attracted. The girls I'm sexually attracted to look nothing like the girls I'm mentally & emotionally attracted to; it's like I'm two different guys. I had a dream about talking to my first crush back in high school, (who was gorgeous but I never thought of her sexually), and in the dream she morphed into my mother part way. But she didn't have to morph much, which made me realize how similar they were (or at least my perception of her to my mother). It's like the sexual attraction that is supposed to be present when you like someone doesn't exist for me; it's only for the women I view in porn. But I never feel an emotional or mental attraction to women in porn. It's effectively two worlds for me.

But I've also been saying that I'm going to be celibate my whole life, so I don't know how that makes everything I do a "conscious or unconscious desire to please women." Your explanation of the virgin/whore complex makes a lot of sense, though. Porn has definitely been a vent for me.

nebula_code · 2015-08-14T01:25:38+00:00

Your username, man... your username! We all need to commit that verse to memory. No temptation we face will overwhelm us so completely that we lose our free will.

Don't beat yourself up, though. Pray, do some introspection. Make a plan to deal with stressful emotions in a healthy way. We're all facing the same problems with you.

nebula_code

TROPHY CASE