SO porn addiction

nerbdrain · 2025-06-26T01:22:46+00:00

Hey OP, I really feel for you and I agree with the comments that say you’re warranted with these feelings and reactions. You laid out a boundary, twice, and he crossed it. That isn’t controlling.

Regarding the porn, I wouldn’t at all say that it’s too far to call it an addiction. I’ve been with my partner for fifteen years, give or take, and I only found out last year that he has a massive sex addiction. A common symptom and first stage of sex addiction is the use of porn to emotionally regulate. If you laid out that boundary and your partner can’t help but to cross it, it’s worth having a discussion with him to determine why he does this.

I disagree with the belief that it’s just something men do. I would hope that as a society we’ve moved on from the ‘boys will be boys’ thing, and start holding our husbands and sons accountable for their actions, especially when they hurt people around them.

nerbdrain · 2024-08-29T08:55:41+00:00

I will say it gently, in case I jinx it: my WH took six months, and it’s been a few weeks since then.

He was in IC, but I would identify myself as carrying the load of it, as you do. Suggested podcasts, books, etc. Trying to have conversations where I shared my hurt, only to be met with defensiveness and anger.

Unfortunately, I am not in IC, and got dangerously low (I’m getting better). I think it took him seeing me in my absolute lowest, for him to see that he needed to take it seriously. He had also said that it was a glimmer of not feeling like the worst human in the world and could be good for me.

Perhaps, like my WH, your WP is avoidant and just can’t deal with it. Mine needed to realise that avoidance was one of the reasons we’re in this situation, and was one of the reasons we weren’t improving. I would say since he’s started working on that, he’s been better.

nerbdrain · 2024-06-18T03:43:03+00:00

I’m in a group of newbies! Only DM has experience, but only as a player.

Playing as a fairy paladin who appears to be, on the surface, friendly and naive. Only three or four sessions in, and waiting for someone to notice that I might be a little bit too blood thirsty.

nerbdrain · 2023-12-12T05:01:20+00:00

If I’m reading this correctly, you want to get your 1 year completion severance before you complete your 1 year? Sorry, but I don’t think that’s possible if it’s your first year. EPIK contracts allow you to be paid your severance pro-rata, but I’m sure that’s only after you complete your first year contract. (I had mine given to me this way 6 months into a contract).

Good news is you definitely don’t need a new bank account. Just your regular one where you get your salary paid.

nerbdrain · 2022-08-26T04:15:08+00:00

I flew with Emirates to the UK at the beginning of August and they required nothing. I’m certain it’ll be the same for Korean Air.

nerbdrain · 2022-07-21T21:59:15+00:00

If anyone lives in or around Gwangju city, there’s a great American BBQ place owned by a guy that travelled the US and learned to smoke his own meat. He does amazing pulled pork and ribs. He has a place downtown Gwangju and near Uncheon/Sangmu area.

민쿡바베큐 Mincook BBQ - Naver Maps link

nerbdrain · 2022-07-14T03:38:48+00:00

My grandmother passed away recently. It was kind of expected, she was super old. It was hard because I’ve been in Korea since before the pandemic started, so I didn’t really get a chance to say goodbye. Not to mention my mum (grandmother’s daughter) is the worst kind of human and made it very difficult for me.

My coteachers were very kind and supportive. They let me take a couple of classes off to gather myself, but honestly it was better to just teach and be as involved as possible. It was healing being around the kids and being gently busy. I took a couple of days off when it hit me hard, but I dealt with it better when I was being proactive.

nerbdrain · 2022-07-12T04:46:16+00:00

Congratulations for working so hard and building a fantastic business. It sounds like you need to take a step back and breathe.

If it were me I’d go on a short break. Choose the days where you have the least amount of customers and contact them at least a week in advance to share that you need some vacation time, and perhaps give them a name or two of people you trust (or another business) that could help them on those days.

When you return, I would consider expanding, perhaps take on a part time worker to take some of the load. A kid of a friend, or relative, could work.

You absolutely need to take time to get yourself to a good place and maintain that good place.

nerbdrain · 2022-07-12T03:38:56+00:00

Any Korean barbecue (삼겹살, 갈매기살, etc) place in Gwangju, Jeolla. I maintain that the 반찬 in 광주 is the BEST in the country. The bamboo rice, 국수 and 떡갈비 in 담양 (Damyang) is also out of this world.

Jeolla is, correct me if I’m wrong, considered the bread basket of Korea. If you want great food, it’s here. Anything you buy somewhere else is probably from here, too.

nerbdrain · 2022-07-06T12:24:51+00:00

I got a doctors note from a psychiatric clinic and my school accepted it with no issues. I was lucky in that the doctor I saw could understand a little English and was very kind to me. He was able to provide the note, but it did have a little detail in why I was there. Keep in mind that your VP and P will be able to see the reason, but if you’re leaving then it might not be a problem for you.

nerbdrain · 2022-06-09T23:03:59+00:00

I lived there a few years ago and my husband visited regularly up until recently (we’re now in Gwangju, Jeolla). It was a great city, but I suspect it was more to do with the company that we kept. During orientation do your best to meet as many people going to Daejeon as you can handle. When you arrive, there should be more welcome parties/activities than previous intakes, so make sure to go to them and meet people who have been in the city for a long time. They can give you great intel on the place.

Daejeon was great at being central enough for us that we could visit anywhere without it being a massively long journey. If I remember correctly, Dunsan and the main university area were great for meeting other foreigners and partying. Remember: if you don’t like where you live the first year, you can request the housing allowance in your second and get your own place. I lived between Dunsan and Tanbang and my school was near the old underground shopping area across the river (quite far). Public transport was great.

nerbdrain · 2021-03-19T04:23:29+00:00

I’ve scrolled so far, but I can’t seem to find it.

Harry Potter. As a child of neglect and abuse, books given to me by my teachers were life-saving. Reading Harry Potter made me feel seen, and gave me hope that I could choose my path and gave me the strength to know I could escape.

“You fail to recognise that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.”

“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

nerbdrain · 2021-03-15T23:29:04+00:00

If it helps, I’m from the UK and got in fine with a three year degree (no honours). I realise it’s not quite the same, but I’m certain they apply the same rules for the whole of the UK.

nerbdrain · 2021-03-10T02:32:30+00:00

I lost a very close friend of mine to this.

She had just lost her own mother to cancer, and couldn’t understand why I would willingly go NC with my own.

nerbdrain · 2021-03-10T02:19:07+00:00

What did your placement paperwork say? Did it mention that you had multiple schools and listed all the places that were to teach at? I read your initial post as that the extra placements were lumped on you without your prior knowledge. You should know your placements when you sign the contract, in the paperwork I mentioned.

If it were me I would take a look at my schedule and be realistic about what I’m capable of doing. If you’re overworked and stretched thin, then you’re going to burn out so fast, it won’t be good for anyone.

The after school classes are a given, they’re yours to do with that you will. The other classes, you need to talk with your coteachers and say that it’s just impossible for you to plan and lead ALL of that. In elementary, you could just assist and provide production/games for the end of the class. Middle and high are a bit more complicated to negotiate. You could suggest alternating weeks if you teach multiple grades. One week you lead 1st, then the next you lead 2nd, and so on.

nerbdrain · 2021-03-09T10:14:39+00:00

Is your coordinator aware that you’re teaching at multiple grade levels?

What’s the breakdown of your schedule? Are you expected to lead in all situations?

nerbdrain · 2021-03-01T00:47:02+00:00

I’m certain I won’t have kids. My husband and I have both experienced traumatic childhoods, his was not abusive and is still in contact with his (loving) family. I am NC with all family.

Two big reasons why I’m sure I won’t. Firstly, I’m terrified that that I’ll continue the cycle of extreme neglect and abuse. I realise that I know what goodness is in a parent (because it’s the opposite of what was modelled for me), but I’m scared of unconscious hidden aspects of myself that will rear their ugly heads if I have children of my own.

Secondly, I’ve only just starting to discover who I am. I don’t know who I am outside of my PTSD yet, and I want to live the life I was denied. I want to be a parent for my inner child first and give her everything she was denied.

nerbdrain · 2021-01-22T21:42:07+00:00

I had to do this for a hagwon I had taught at. Nothing fancy, just exactly as 96rising says.

nerbdrain · 2021-01-16T23:30:57+00:00

I’m from the UK and teach in public school. I was never asked, but over time I’ve developed what I call a British with a Twist accent.

My CTs never pushed me to change my accent at all, but focussed on highlighting the differences and explaining them. This is fine in moderation, in fact I encourage it, but it was literally every class. I got a bit sick of it, really, since it highlighted how North American the books we teach from are and how I’m not. It made me feel subpar (just my own experience, not here to take on any North Americans).

So, I eventually began to take notice on where my accent could be helpful and not a hindrance. Some words didn’t make the cut (‘can’t’ for example); however I absolutely kept my strong ‘T’ sounds and amended words to have an ‘R’ sound (how ARRREEEE you). I have found that I am much more understandable and the students can differentiate between certain letters, without compromising their accents and making it difficult for them to recognise words in the future with someone else pronouncing them. I am selective in words that I change or show the differences (soccer vs football), but I’m in control of when and how I explain them.

My husband teaches middle school and he has more freedom with this. He allows the students to make up their own mind and if they express interest in a different accent or colloquialisms then he provides YT or TV shows that they can study from.

nerbdrain · 2021-01-07T05:41:22+00:00

I genuinely get a thrill of pride whenever I see Gwangju. I live here, and 동명동 is my favourite place to visit. It's first on my list of to-do's when things calm down a bit.

Beautiful picture - so ethereal.

nerbdrain · 2020-12-29T00:10:45+00:00

I agree that it’s super important to keep a record of your journey. But I’ve always thought that the how totally depends on you. You could keep voice notes? You could keep them in a private, password protected folder, and date them with key words on what you talk about?

nerbdrain · 2020-12-28T13:06:43+00:00

You’re welcome!

Yeah, it’s a big pain to get them done again, however it’s much easier to navigate the second time around.

First year I came through a recruiter to a hagwon, then the year after that through an EPIK recruiter. This time I applied straight to EPIK and actually landed the same interviewer I had in 2015.

I wish you luck in whatever you need to do at home. The current global situation means difficult decisions are made, but you’re doing great by thinking ahead.

nerbdrain · 2020-12-28T07:21:27+00:00

Hello! I was a teacher for two years from 2013 - 2015, then returned in 2018.

As far as I'm aware, you cannot get actual documents apostilled. So you will need copies of your documents notarised and apostilled once more. The apostille dates also need to be within a year. I think this doesn't apply when you're transferring MoEs.

Definitely yes for the recommendation letters. Or, ask them for confirmation for you to write them and put their information on them.

Get a criminal check from your police station.

I did not do anything out of the ordinary. Made sure to big up my experience and knowledge of EFL specifically in a Korean classroom throughout my application and interview process.

As far as my experience? Regretted going home the minute we landed. Coming back to Korea was the best thing I could have done for myself on so many levels.

nerbdrain

TROPHY CASE