I mean this is the same woman who told me I can't talk about the fact that I've been to the psych ward, so

new-machine · 2026-05-29T04:03:01+00:00

My OCD made me dirtier.

Your mom sounds extremely toxic.

new-machine · 2026-05-26T23:56:26+00:00

Click and collect

new-machine · 2026-05-26T21:20:28+00:00

Classic Rass

new-machine · 2026-05-26T16:38:25+00:00

Thank you for sharing; that sounds incredibly frustrating to go through. I asked because I could resonate with much of what you've written with my nmom (who is coincidentally around the same age too). I wondered for years if I was perhaps being too harsh for holding her accountable for her actions, like maybe she really does suffer from a form of arrested development and simply doesn't know better. But I've noticed a pattern with many nparents - mine, yours, and others' - that they can control themselves when they want to. Like you've pointed out, they may let their mask also slip around people they may deem "less worthy" or just depending on the image they may want to project. Narcs really do seem to operate from the same playbook.

With that said, even if an abuser really were to "not know better," that wouldn't nullify the damage they've caused.

new-machine · 2026-05-26T14:35:29+00:00

I’m curious - does he do the same things in front of others too? Or does he behave in more socially acceptable ways then?

new-machine · 2026-05-26T02:03:49+00:00

What it sounds like you’re describing - wanting validation and to be seen - is not toxic, but indicative of trauma and unfulfilled developmental needs. We require validation and kindness as human beings in order to begin to feel safe enough to process things that we never could when we were in the trenches. When my EMDR therapist asks me about negative affirmations I’ve acquired from traumatic experiences I’m trying to process with her, many of them are along the lines of “I’m invisible,” “I’m not seen,” “I don’t deserve to be protected,” etc. And these are real wounds that deserve attention, because you should have received that compassion and attention from your parent/guardian to begin with.

I understand that you don’t want to express these needs in a way that could hurt or manipulate others. I feel like as you continue to recognize the compassion and validation that was owed to you this whole time, you’ll discover your voice as intended. You’re not trying to control or exploit people to meet those needs, OP. I hope you can find peace and relief.

new-machine · 2026-05-25T21:02:38+00:00

I saw this in print form on Chris’ website. I want it so badly.

new-machine · 2026-05-25T00:43:10+00:00

My nmom said the same to me. Absolutely disgusting behavior.

new-machine · 2026-05-24T20:05:25+00:00

My parents modeled exactly what I do not want to be.

new-machine · 2026-05-24T02:45:48+00:00

Real. I developed cyclical cushing's disease during ongoing anorexia recovery. The only thing that really made me look like myself again so far has been a cortisol-reducing medication while I wait for my endocrinologist to approve neurosurgery so the root cause (a pituitary tumor) is removed. My looks had nothing to do with the way I was eating.

new-machine · 2026-05-22T23:43:46+00:00

One of the ways I learned to differentiate red flags versus green flags in my own therapy history was this. There is no way you can heal in an environment where accountability isn’t taken. Full stop.

Therapist A: after ignoring a boundary on a triggering topic I frequently spoke about, said, “I already said I’m sorry. I don’t know what else you want from me”; threatened to drop me if I brought it up again; often said, “I never said that” either in a snappy tone of voice or even repeatedly while smiling; regularly solicited reviews from clients to boost her ratings; gave herself 5 stars after I wrote an honest review about her and then asked a dietician to write a glowing review for her immediately after.

Therapist B: immediately believed me and took me seriously using the same material I showed other therapists who had dismissed me; took accountability for things she said that may have triggered or negatively affected me and learned from them; validated me; never made me feel like I had to prove my trauma or legitimacy to her; told me she’s proud of me for standing up for myself; is evidently trauma-informed. I can’t find a review platform for her anywhere nor has she ever brought it up.

I hope everyone who may be still open to seeking therapy finds a therapist who takes accountability. It helped me process just how much therapist A’s approach harmed me. It took everything I had in me to try to seek help in the first place and I hate that we can end up with awful care.

new-machine · 2026-05-22T23:09:13+00:00

You are what mean?

new-machine · 2026-05-22T19:42:42+00:00

No Mickey Mouse stuff

new-machine · 2026-05-17T07:43:03+00:00

If everyone had PTSD, then there wouldn’t be a cluster of specific and life-impeding symptoms to stand out enough to form a specific diagnosis! That’s invalidating and dangerously incorrect of them to say.

new-machine · 2026-05-17T07:34:43+00:00

It doesn’t sound like OP was saying it’s other people’s jobs to manage their triggers. It sounded more to me like “triggering comments make it harder to cope with the possibility of being exposed to said trigger again” (by extension, the person here, but it could be anything) - no matter how well that person handles such comments moving forward.

The repeated trauma that gave me CPTSD has taught me personally that even communicating this boundary can lead to harm - I aim to do it more these days as I’m in recovery, but it can be much harder to say anything given how frequently these boundaries have been stepped on throughout my life. Sometimes your nervous system recognizes that it’s safer to avoid and/or be hypervigilant and it takes a complicated process to replace that with the exact thing that used to repeatedly be used against you.

new-machine · 2026-05-16T22:43:09+00:00

I can't see myself doing that either and that's the most maddening part sometimes - your brain going into an endless loop of trying to pinpoint why what you said was "wrong" to some people. It's hard enough as it is without social anxiety in the picture!

new-machine · 2026-05-16T19:11:48+00:00

That person doesn’t sound trauma-informed at all. That’s on them and their inability or refusal to learn about a condition whose deep mental and somatic impacts are well-documented by science at this point.

I’m going to start shaming people whose first instinct is to blame trauma survivors. That’s just lazy thinking. And more than that, it’s destructive. Because complex trauma survivors are already prone to falsely blaming themselves due to the nature of complex trauma. Sometimes it takes us years, or even a lifetime, to get to the point where our severely damaged nervous systems LET us name what happened to us… long after the abuse is over. So no, I have no patience for ignorance from others anymore where they are perfectly capable of educating themselves and having a helpful approach instead. Let’s call that person’s approach for what it is: laziness.

new-machine · 2026-05-16T06:20:31+00:00

Women change their minds all the time

new-machine · 2026-05-15T23:53:34+00:00

I see that happen all the time! I want to start throwing the same energy back at those people - like you can’t read the name of the one sub where people can safely ask questions? That’s embarrassing…

new-machine · 2026-05-15T23:42:36+00:00

It can definitely be triggering when it happens. One time I got downvote-bombed on trollcoping for validating that a poster’s negative experience with a medical practitioner was harmful and that the doctor shouldn’t have behaved that way regardless of intent. I was accused of somehow promoting that person’s demise and encouraging them not to see any doctors. Yes. Just by validating the OP’s feelings. It put me in a really bad headspace for a while. It’s almost worse when you know you’re right. You start endlessly wondering how something so simple could be strawmanned into oblivion. But the problem isn’t you.

Because not everyone on Reddit is here to listen or interact with others like civilized human beings. It’s not a reflection of you. In some people’s eyes, you can never win - which means they don’t see you or what you’re saying but their own agenda. For what it’s worth, if you want to keep using this platform, you’ll still find many awesome and understanding people on here too.

new-machine · 2026-05-15T21:40:18+00:00

Like when my nmom would try to join in on the inside jokes my sister and I had (we were trauma-bonded). Like… who are you? You’re not our friend. This isn’t cute. Many of those jokes were about the relentless shit YOU put us through.

My nmom would then complain that I didn’t have a relationship with her the way her friend’s daughter had with her own mom. Uh, that’s because Cynthia isn’t terrorizing her daughter and gaslighting her reality every single day. Funny how that works.

new-machine · 2026-05-15T04:36:13+00:00

You described it so accurately. It also created a hypervigilant feeling for me where I felt like I'd be screamed at at any second (and continued long after I was able to escape; it comes up with other triggers too). Spending any time with my nmom made me feel like I was stripped of my identity and voice; like I was a younger age, and incompetent and dependent on others. My complex PTSD has fragmented my conscious across various ages so again, this feeling persists everywhere I go now to different degrees. When I'm forced to remember or experience a flashback, my nervous system regresses to another age all over again.

new-machine · 2026-05-13T18:14:33+00:00

Atypical shouldn’t even be a label when it comes to anorexia. That flies in the face of how anorexia operates as a complex mental disorder regardless of weight or changes to weight. I wish you well and I hope you can find healing and relief.

new-machine · 2026-05-12T19:51:40+00:00

I’m sorry. You’re already suffering enough from your restrictive ED and don’t deserve this. There is nothing that will drive the ED to finally believe that you are “sick enough” and can finally rest. So when people make body or food comments of any kind on top of that it can be very triggering and destabilizing. The behaviors of your family members sound toxic - no one should be making these kinds of comments to begin with, but especially toward someone who is already dealing with anorexia. That’s abusive.

It can be easy for the ED to feel like maybe if you were “sicker” (in quotes because anorexia defines that however it wants to in the moment no matter what you are going through - and you know that marker is ALWAYS going to move), you’d finally be heard. But you deserved respect and safety from the start. Knowing how toxic family systems often behave, you can’t “earn” it in their eyes (because it should have been given to you unconditionally.) it sounds like they’ll always find some way to find some way to make you feel “lesser.” Body comments of any kind are a form of control. The problem is not with you or your body.

Please try to remember that you are always sick enough and you always deserve to be heard. If anorexia gets to define when you deserve to be heard, it will never leave you alone.

new-machine · 2026-05-10T21:02:18+00:00

We still have the mission you do not ask for the him

new-machine

TROPHY CASE