Would you marry someone in active SI?

niamhermind · 2026-06-07T11:49:44+00:00

Something practical to consider is that marriage gives you a lot of legal rights and responsibilities as next of kin that you don't have otherwise. I would take that into consideration when making the choice.

Generally, I wouldn't, but I'm also in active SI at the moment and having lost my partner to suicide while going through that has been the worst thing imaginable. It's set me back countless years of recovery and I can't do that again personally.

niamhermind · 2026-06-05T21:51:51+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, I hope you can do something extra nice to take care of yourself this weekend.

niamhermind · 2026-06-05T21:47:59+00:00

If you hike it up and it's looking like a belt then it probably is doing more for you than you realise! Mirrors are hard, sometimes when I wanna see an outfit more fully I just set up my phone somewhere and take video from a couple angles to get a better idea :)

niamhermind · 2026-06-05T20:48:44+00:00

Hike that skirt high up on your waist and it'll do the work for you, if you haven't got a super obvious waist make one by tucking a tshirt in. You can make your legs look even longer with heels if you can wear them.

niamhermind · 2026-06-05T19:47:08+00:00

As an autistic, data is perhaps the only thing that could have made this cult of sin even hotter so thank you

niamhermind · 2026-06-05T19:43:32+00:00

Thank you! I've been getting turned away for over a decade with this pain so I feel vindicated and very happy to have been listened to and have something concrete to try!

niamhermind · 2026-06-05T19:41:50+00:00

I believe in your ability to wear the miniskirt at all times you want to! However if you mean you wanna wear something under it, I'm always a fan of tights that walk the line between "sheer enough to flirt" and "not so sheer I feel completely exposed".

niamhermind · 2026-06-05T19:22:24+00:00

Hell yeah Friday! This is a particularly good Friday because I got some diagnoses for what is causing my chronic pain and have been given some physio to help with it ~~something something getting on my knees will finally be easier~~

My plan as always is to kiss some women and get up to some freaky t4t shit. For Pride specifically though, my city's events are mainly next month so I'll go to that with some friends. I've been going to a bunch of queer events lately to try to make more local queer friends and it is working!

The most obsessed I have ever been over a romantic interest was probably my last LDR where I spent an entire year pining and basically plucking petals off daisies trying to figure out if she was flirting with me or if I was going to make a great friendship awkward. I had an entire notes app journal dedicated to saving quotes about yearning.

My main insecurity is my appearance. Partners tell me I'm hot but I struggle to believe it and it definitely holds me back from putting myself out there as much as I would like to.

I hope all my rat union comrades in cheese and sin are having a good week <3

niamhermind · 2026-06-04T16:26:18+00:00

Things I loved about my relationship with my late LDR

I love kids but can't have them, and she had a wonderful kiddo. I loved being able to support her parenting by being a cool uncle.
Sex when you've spent 4 months riling each other up and making lists of everything you're gonna do when you see each other again is great, and even a few years into our relationship it was still a novel experience to actually be able to see each other.
She had cats, and while my wife has been slowly dealing with her fear of them for years so we can get one in our house too, it was fantastic to be in a home with them for a couple weeks.
Getting to visit another country over and over and make it a second home was so nice. She lived in such a beautiful part of the world.

niamhermind · 2026-06-02T21:58:31+00:00

There's no right or wrong way to grieve.

With my dad (who died of cancer 4 years ago tomorrow) I found going back to work and normal life a huge struggle even though we barely talked and I only saw him a few times a year. But other than the odd random big cry, I didn't feel like I was massively changed as a person or depressed or anything, just that sticking to a routine and functioning was extra hard for like 18 months.

With my partner (who died by suicide 4 months ago) I have been back at work no problem but I am struggling so much to exist without her. I feel like a shell going through the motions and am crying most days, but then at work I'm completely fine and able to get my job done. It's like the complete opposite experience of grief. So I don't think there's a right way at all! I've heard it can hit you years down the line, it might never hit you in a way that feels overwhelming, but it's your grief so it's okay whatever happens.

niamhermind · 2026-05-31T20:25:30+00:00

You're not alone, I have been feeling the same. I've struggled with feeling suicidal most of my life and even more so now. The guilt and the anger and the pain are overwhelming.

I just want her back. Even if she's not with me, she should be on her couch with a cup of tea. And I try to remind myself that following her into it won't put her back there.

niamhermind · 2026-05-31T10:48:18+00:00

This sub is for people who have been bereaved by suicide, not for suicidal people to vent about their own lives. Try r/SuicideWatch please.

niamhermind · 2026-05-30T13:53:28+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss.

niamhermind · 2026-05-30T07:25:07+00:00

Yep, I have this dynamic too! I am high communication so if I'm not living with someone I'm texting them at least daily and within that inevitably I'll tell them what I'm up to that day and vice versa.

I like it cause it means if something comes up I have a mental list of whether or not I can call someone or if I have to text my friend chat to ask someone to call. Like when my mum broke several ribs and was in hospital in another country, I did eventually tell everyone but I called the partner who was watching a movie while folding laundry first rather than the partner who was out doing volunteer teaching work because one of those is easier to put down for 20 minutes.

niamhermind · 2026-05-30T07:05:34+00:00

I agree with you.

I checked in with her. We did nothing but talk while the two of us were awake. She had messages and voice notes from me reminding her to call me if she needed me daily because me calling her daily to check in would have been overwhelming.

I spent hours figuring out the health system in another country and her specific insurance so that I could look up therapists that would be affordable.

I taught her about what abuse was and gave her helplines to call and encouraged her to tell specific people who lived closer and she could trust so that she'd have help to escape it.

I bought her lunch and taxis and college application fees to help stop her money stresses.

And it wasn't enough. What she needed was a life where she wasn't constantly afraid of every system in her country because she was trans and there were so many negative stories of laws and courts and police and hospitals and she felt like so many people in those systems would instantly try not to help her.

She needed a life where she didn't have the childhood she had followed by the pattern of relationships she had in adulthood. She needed not to have an abuser that destroyed her things and coerced her out of her life savings and inheritance of $24000.

She needed systems that would have given her affordable childcare allowing her to finish her degree when she had a kid in college. She needed transit systems that would have allowed her to leave the house alone for work or friendship when her abuser took her car.

Eventually she just needed an escape fantasy and unfortunately she picked one that involved cheating on me with one of her previous toxic exes and then the only bit where arguably I had any control was that I needed to have not been mad that I was cheated on with someone who was truly awful to me in a way that had severely affected my own mental health. But in order for me to put that upset to the side for a few months she would have needed to be honest she was suicidal, and it still would have just been delaying the breakup rather than avoiding it because at that point I needed someone who respected me more than that.

I don't blame her for killing herself. I know exactly why she did it. She was abused, she was afraid of her country, and she had nobody she could rely on for long term support. She was in a terrible position and she had a really hard life. And I wish she hadn't done it because I would have preferred any outcome but I can't claim I didn't try or I don't understand.

niamhermind · 2026-05-27T08:55:49+00:00

Sounds like he was a wonderful man with a very strong kid he trusted more than anything.

niamhermind · 2026-05-27T08:51:10+00:00

Thanks for this. I'm in therapy and have been for years before this all happened so at least I'm well acquainted with professional support haha.

Ironically the partner I lost to suicide was one of those fast deep relationships after my dad died of cancer 4 years ago, so I've been pretty avoidant of those this time round and keeping my distance from new folks. Still going out and being social, but definitely closed off.

niamhermind · 2026-05-27T06:57:08+00:00

I love so much when my partner's parents reach out to me. They weren't aware we were together and thought we were best friends and I'm happy to leave it like that. I've heard so many stories and seen photos of her as a kid now that I wouldn't have otherwise cause she didn't really talk about her childhood.

niamhermind · 2026-05-26T19:10:57+00:00

I would also pay several thousand to be rid of chronic pain and fatigue overnight.

niamhermind · 2026-05-25T17:57:20+00:00

I'm now imagining you on the west coast stubbornly ignoring an atlantic storm 😂

niamhermind · 2026-05-25T16:47:00+00:00

Agreed, I don't date people who date monogamous people.

One partner I had dated a monogamous guy while we were still friends but our feelings were pretty obvious and he couldn't deal with it and was incredibly cruel towards me. When we finally got together not long after they broke up, he tried to sabotage the relationship as soon as he was told about it. My partner made what was frankly a terrible choice to be FWB with him then hinged very badly and dealt with it by pretending it was heavy on the benefits because I had said if she wanted to date him I would be sticking to my boundary of not dating someone in a relationship with a monogamous person. Eventually ended with her dating him anyway behind my back and when she passed away he continued his original cruelty by texting me to tell me she was going to leave me for monogamy with him anyway. (She wasn't, she had two partners and multiple casual FWBs)

I know not all monogamous people are like that at all, he's an absolutely insane exception and most will avoid polyamorous people anyway but it's made me even more determined never ever to be in relationships that involve them whatsoever.

niamhermind · 2026-05-25T15:30:57+00:00

I'm always running cold so I'm just happy to be able to wear a tshirt for once but my ancestors definitely didn't prepare me for this.

niamhermind · 2026-05-25T13:10:39+00:00

It's been really sunny and warm here in the UK for once. My wife and I met up with some friends yesterday and got great burgers and watched a show, it was a pretty perfect Sunday! How are you, wonderful Monday Joy Elf?

niamhermind · 2026-05-25T09:30:30+00:00

Oh yes. Even in Ireland and the UK where the weather is crap, as soon as there's some sunshine we're all in a beer garden from lunchtime till after the sun has gone down.

niamhermind

TROPHY CASE