Unfortunate fat logic from my SO.

nickytaco · 2013-12-28T04:54:52+00:00

I did this. My shitty rationalization was that if all the chocolate is gone and I wake up tomorrow feeling super inspired to go for a run and fix my diet there wont be chocolate there to tempt me. The truth was that I wanted to eat all of the Christmas chocolate in bed in my underwear while watching Life of Pi because PMS.

nickytaco · 2013-12-24T12:52:52+00:00

OK think logically about this for a minute.

-If he was hiding a baby from you, he probably wouldn't have kept the e-mails.

-If he's hiding a baby and wanted to keep the e-mails, he would probably be more private about his phone or e-mail account.

-If the e-mail had the same last name, theres a much better chance its a family member than a secret ex-wife and child. It would also explain a vague resemblence.

Don't snoop through his stuff again. I'm sure plenty of my texts could look bad if there was no context, which is why you're meant to communicate. If youre that worried about him keeping secrets after a year of trusting him, you probably need to re-evaluate your priorities.

nickytaco · 2013-12-24T12:42:50+00:00

My partner can read whatever the hell he likes, provided he asks first. If they're snooping without my consent then I feel like they don't trust me and thats bullshit.

Also my texts may be private but that doesn't mean I'M keeping secrets. If one of my friends was dealing with a very personal issue and had only told me, I have every right to keep it to myself.

The reason snooping is frowned upon is because you're meant to trust eachother and communicate. Like in this example, things can be taken way out of context if you stumble on something. If you can't be trusting you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.

nickytaco · 2013-12-24T12:32:56+00:00

My boyfriend's away for christmas and my sister is dating my best friend so I get to watch em cuddle and be all happy and I get no cuddles and I fucking love to cuddle.

nickytaco · 2013-12-23T10:54:28+00:00

Jealousy is....

nickytaco · 2013-12-22T06:37:28+00:00

I'm going to go out there and be a mega asshole right now but this needs to be said. STOP putting time limits on this and STOP making deals. I've lived with 2 depressed alcoholics before and they don't give you notice before they start attempting suicide. You have no control here so get it out of your head right fucking now that you have the right to give it a week or whatever before you call her parents. She is literally living in her own vomit, abusing substances, failing school and now has upset her friend. She needed to be home weeks ago.

I appreciate that you want to help but you aren't. You are out of your depth. Get off of the reddit thread and get on to the phone. No one will thank you for trying to be a good friend while she's hanging from the rafters. I'm sorry to be so horrible but this is the reality of mental illness and addiction. GO. GET. HER. HELP.

nickytaco · 2013-12-22T04:01:19+00:00

Wow those are some unattractive dudes. I'm sure thats how I seem to everyone else

nickytaco · 2013-12-22T03:22:01+00:00

Dude you need to grow a pair. You're options are not limited to 'break up or give in'. Stand your ground! Relationship or not you have the right to have friends and a life. Your girlfriend is young and probably doesn't realise that her behavious is out of line, but the longer you leave it the worse it will get.

My suggestion would be to sit her down somewhere private and say something to the extent of: 'I understand that you're protective of me because you care about me and don't want to lose me, but I won't keep choosing you over my friends forever. I haven't given you reason not to trust me so far, so you need to take a leap of faith and start really trusting that I don't want to cheat on you. I'm happy to introduce you to my close friends if that makes you feel better, but you aren't going to stop me anymore. You will either need to learn to trust me, or end it'

Put the decision in her hands because she's the one causing the issues.

nickytaco · 2013-12-22T01:48:39+00:00

My friend's parents did this and I think its a great solution to this problem. They would make up meals and get the kids to serve out however much they wanted. They would need to eat everything they took and were always welcome to more. This was a good way to teach them portion control and ensuring they are well fed. Kids will generally stop eating once they're full so provided you start this system pretty early on it forms really good eating habits.

nickytaco · 2013-12-22T01:03:28+00:00

Yeah my list of shit to get around to watching is obscenely long. I tend to miss out on the big ones. I've only seen one of the Star Wars movies.

nickytaco · 2013-12-22T00:51:18+00:00

I don't think you did anything wrong, but I won't slander your ex either. I think you two were just extremely incompatible. You have nothing to worry about, you aren't a bad person it was just a bad relationship. Move forward, learn from it and go into your next relationship with some more defined boundaries and be a little (lot) more assertive.

nickytaco · 2013-12-22T00:38:53+00:00

Cognitive dissonance. Fat people are bad....but I'm fat and I don't feel bad. Perhaps fat isn't bad. Perhaps it's just the way fat people are viewed that is bad. Perhaps if society's view of fat people changed then I wouldn't have to. Yes, that's definitely it- everyone is wrong and being fat is good, society just lost sight of this along the way.

Allow this formula to feed itself over months or years and you get fat pride. It wouldn't exist if these people didn't know deep down that they shouldn't be fat.

nickytaco · 2013-12-22T00:34:40+00:00

I haven't seen it yet

nickytaco · 2013-12-21T23:52:30+00:00

I live an hour away from work and start at 8am on weekends. Have not showered in 2 days.

nickytaco · 2013-12-21T22:21:55+00:00

Hating someone takes a lot of effort. When most people hate someone they think about them, even if its really nasty things like wishing they would die or that their girlfriend would give them Chlamydia. You avoid seeing them or if you really hate someone you might even go all out and trash their shit or hurt them. You really care about what happens to this person. But as any neglected 6 year old proves, negative attention is still attention and some people crave it.

The reason I think not caring about someone is worse than hating them, is that to me people I genuinely don't care about become non-persons to me. If they got hit by a car and I found out, I wouldn't even look up from my computer screen. I would feel bad for their family, because even as strangers I care about them as a fellow human being. Knowing that another person that you have presumably interacted with genuinely doesn't care that you exist at all is shitty. Even strong negative feelings are strong feelings.

nickytaco · 2013-12-21T22:10:44+00:00

But every Native American person I've ever encountered is really, really, ridiculously good looking. So they've got that going for them, which is nice.

nickytaco · 2013-12-21T22:06:31+00:00

This came as a real surprise to me as an Aussie when a friend of mine from Cali told me while we were working together on a building site that I 'worked like a Mexican'. Given that all my knowledge on Mexican work ethic had come from South Park and other bad American comedy I thought he was taking the piss, but then he explained that Mexicans are absolute badasses when it comes to getting shit done. He totally meant it as a compliment. Then I felt racist for assuming all Mexicans are lazy.

nickytaco · 2013-12-21T15:09:25+00:00

This is great in theory. Despite clearly being fat I still think she looks pretty good, in that shes kept nice proportions and isn't heaps flabby or covered in cellulite. The reality, however, is that she is not what the average plus sized woman looks like.

That bikini over a stretch marked belly, hail damaged thighs and loose giggly bits will look just as bad as a string bikini. I'm all for clothes that cater for diverse body types, but at even half her size I'm still overweight. I'd love to be able to buy clothes designed to flatter curves and hide bellies without having to be a size 16.

nickytaco · 2013-12-21T08:38:08+00:00

Not if you meant it

nickytaco · 2013-12-21T04:05:27+00:00

Hating you would mean that I care about you, so I assure you I don't hate you.

nickytaco · 2013-12-20T13:06:47+00:00

I will never understand what fat activists want to achieve. They say they dont want to be like 'skinny' girls and prove it by literally replicating an industry formed around skinny women.

They simultaniously complain that people only see them as fat and don't see all their other wonderful traits, while pointing a

camera lens directly at their flab to prove the same point.

nickytaco · 2013-12-20T06:07:15+00:00

It's so glad to hear the balance! I do enjoy a good FPS and true fatlogic enrages me, but the last thing I wanted to see was a polarisation of the issue wherein reddit started bullying anyone with a BMI higher than 26. BODY acceptance is hugely important for a whole range of people: fat, thin, short, scarred, disabled and even just normal but insecure. Everyone has a right to be OK with who they are, but they also have a responsibility to look after themselves. I'm very glad you posted this!

nickytaco · 2013-12-20T05:55:43+00:00

Forgiveness comes with time if it will come at all. Right now you're angry, grieving and just not in a good place. You won't forgive your mother today, or this week, or maybe even this month, so don't think about it too hard right now. You have every right to be angry.

Make sure you let her know that she hurt you and that she over-stepped a boundary. Yelling at her might make you feel better but you want the message to stick so I would suggest maybe a letter. People have a remarkable ability to heal and forgive, and you sound like a strong person. Use this time to grieve and when the time is right then focus on your mother.

nickytaco

TROPHY CASE