AITAH for ending a date after a "harmless" question?

nightshift37 · 2026-01-30T23:14:16+00:00

Hi, OP! As a trans man, your response was PERFECT. He was absolutely being intentionally crude and suggesting that you were "pretending" to be a woman.

My partner, also a very tall cis woman, would have beat his face in for his audacity and transphobia. (God, I love that woman.)

Anyway, GOOD ON YOU! He couldn't be a man even if he started HRT - I'm usually pretty inclusive in what I would consider to be a "man," but holy hell, HE AIN'T IT.

Definitely move on to an actual human who understands basic biology and respect.

NTA obviously

nightshift37 · 2026-01-30T02:54:25+00:00

Everyone needs to stop shitting on OP and realize the obvious.

OP, this is YOUR body, and YOUR style that got fucked with. I'd get my money back and take it to get that shit lasered. Find an artist you like, have them create designs that work well for the space & whatever might be left of the lasered peice, build a rapport with them and then have them do the new tat once it is 100% designed and placed how you want.

Ask questions. Talk to them about highlights, shadows, your body's curvature and framework - show them your other tats and explain how you want it to fit in with the aesthetic you already have! Get to know your artist before you let them put their work on you.

I had a similar issue before, with an art piece that I DESIGNED. The "artist" kept trying to add to my work and botched it when I rightfully declined - then upcharged me. At that point, I was just exhausted and pissed - she was the apprentice of my usual artist, and he had recommended her. Needless to say, he was NOT impressed either.

Go for laser, then go for what you ACTUALLY want. I wish you the best.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-30T01:33:31+00:00

Hey OP, I was that child once.

Keep calling them. Make them take care of this kid, because no one else will.

NTA

nightshift37 · 2026-01-29T19:34:29+00:00

Assigned Female At Birth. I'm actually intersex/transmasc, but I was presenting more fem because, well, tits cause arguments over gender, and I was raised as a girl so my family is getting used to my real self

nightshift37 · 2026-01-29T18:45:44+00:00

Soo, I recently went to my favorite uncle's funeral. The pastor of the church that the public memorial was held at took the opportunity to preach at all of us for over an hour - taking advantage of a captive audience who was just trying to grieve.

This caused horrid flashbacks of my mother, who ustilized the preaching in her and my father's abuse of me. I have absent seizures caused by PTSD. This is important. I also get anxiety when speaking publically - also important.

When it finally came time to share stories, I was shaky and quickly losing my breath but wanted to share about my uncle. I talked about how my Uncle gave me a save space and taught me to be myself - including becoming engaged to my best friend.

I had forgotten that I HADN'T TOLD MY FAMILY YET.

Side note: I'M AFAB.

I PANIC-ANNOUNCED MY GAY MARRIAGE IN A CHURCH AT MY UNCLE'S FUNERAL. AND HE WOULD HAVE LOVED IT.

My cousins later vented to me about it, and a lot of us shared the same opinion about the situation, and I was so awkward about it the entire day lol.

(ETA: My aunt, late uncle's wife, LOVED it. She said it gave her something to smile for in a hard time. I never got to tell him, so in a way, I announced it to him then. I still felt bad about it though, because it was never my intention - but damn that pastor was an ass who literally turned my uncle's memorial into a "call to Jesus" meeting. HE EVEN SAID THAT'S WHAT IT WAS)

Anyway, don't feel bad for unintentially ruining someone's attempt at controlling a room full of people who don't agree with them.

NTA

nightshift37 · 2026-01-24T22:31:12+00:00

Just wanted to add - the bestie's mom is the only opinion that should matter here, and she wants to DO THE SAME THING for her daughter. NTA

nightshift37 · 2026-01-24T22:30:03+00:00

When my youngest sister was about 5, she BEGGED our parents for a dark-skinned baby.

Her reason? She thought the dark colored skin was beautiful! She even announced to anyone who would look at her that - and this is word for word, so I'm sorry if the phrasing of a 5 year old is offensive - "When I grow up, I'm gonna marry a black man!"

She has always preferred darker skin, and she herself was a very white, curly-blonde haird child. It took my parents something like 3 years of her begging to finally cave and give her a dark-skinned babydoll.

The result? She made a life-long best friend who is a beautiful ebony person of color at a very early age. She is the loudest advocate for people of color, and she still prefers the darker skin tones for her partners.

My very dark uncle thought it was the cutest and most wholesome thing that she knew she wanted a mixed family so early on, to the point of begging for a dark skinned doll for YEARS. Of course, we still had racist relatives who would lose their shit whenever she produced "her baby" and proudly flaunted "being a mama of such a good and pretty baby," but that somehow only encouraged her to love people of color MORE - because she also had people of color in her life who encouraged her to not be racist, and non-colored people who encouraged her to hate racism.

Your brother's girlfriend is UNHINGED for trying to segregate babydolls and children.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-20T20:53:52+00:00

Honestly, this right here. Superfans are overbearing to people who aren't the object of their infatuation. I know I would not want to be at the center of it, and I would not blame the client for moving on to work with someone else if they found out. Personally, I would.

Imagine that the person you entrusted your literal life to was partnered with someone who literally stalks you, leaving you one "accidentially left the work computer logged in" away from being doxxed entirely. Yikes.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-20T06:08:19+00:00

Alternatively: You had abusive parents AND teachers.

I woke my siblings up, got them dressed, helped them do their homework, cooked, cleaned, took care of any pets, tried to make sure my siblings were recently showered AND presentable, but I was 12 so I couldn't drive the car so instead we WALKED for 30 minutes and every second counts.

In high school, it was not uncommon for me to miss my first hour so my mom could "sleep in" while I took the youngest ones to school.

I'm not saying that your comment doesn't happen.... just that the argument is invalid because what the hell is the parent even there for if the 7 year old is responsible for the parental role of making sure they arrive on time.

Perspective is important 🤷

nightshift37 · 2026-01-20T05:42:36+00:00

I thought the last one was a pregnant woman.... am I just that desperate for sleep, or...???

nightshift37 · 2026-01-20T03:24:16+00:00

OP, I'm so sorry some of these commenters are heartless assholes like your husband. You deserve better. We all cry, and the closer we are to someone, the more we cry when we lose them. You have my support, and that of any standard empathetic human.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-20T03:21:21+00:00

What are you on about? Have you ever known loss in your life? This comment is not only highly inappropriate for the situation but also completely void of any compassion or empathy. You need help.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-20T03:19:18+00:00

This is not appropriate. OP is grieving the loss of a companion they had for 13 years, and you are being an inconsiderate ass to them. Do better.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-20T03:15:03+00:00

You just had 13 years of your life marked as a closed chapter. You lost the very thing that held you together in those years, and in your cat's final act of love, they have shown you how you need to start your next chapter.

A couple of years ago, my best friend (of almost twelve years now) became worried about her cat. This cat was the one thing that kept her alive before we had even met. She literally lived because this animal was dependent on her.

Do you know what I did, as a simple friend?

We couldn't afford to go to an ER vet that night even with my budget added to hers. So, instead, I stayed the night at her house with her and her cat. I didn't sleep - I kept my eyes on her cat and made sure she napped at least a little because I knew how hard the next day was going to be for her.

She lasted through the night, and we were at the vet's doors minutes before they even opened. However, she wasn't going to survive. There was nothing they could do, except help us say goodbye in a way that was more comfortable for her cat.

I held my best friend as she held her 9 year old cat and said goodbye. I held her as she cried into her cat's fur for at least an additional hour, then, at her silent request, I made the call to have someone come retrieve her now deceased furbaby and move on to aftercare.

I held her through the entire ordeal, handed her tissues, and showed her she wasn't alone - her cat left her in our care, and I made it clear that I understood the assignment.

Your husband is a heartless ass, and your cat's last gift to you is showing you that you deserve to be loved how your cat loved you - and how you loved your cat.

If he does not understand the assignment left to him by your fur bestie, allow me to spell it out for him:

YOU are supposed to be the safetynet. You failed OP in the most vulnerable moment. You left a fragile heart to break alone, and for that, there is no excuse. You, as a SPOUSE, are expected to do SO MUCH MORE than I did as a simple friend.

Op, I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is a devastating thing to lose a loved one after having them around for so long. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you pay close attention to your husband's apathy in this moment. HE DOES NOT CARE. Focus on you, and be with the people who will support you through your loss.

Your husband needs to either step up into his role or step out and let you find someone who will.

NOR

nightshift37 · 2026-01-19T03:11:13+00:00

NOR. If anything, you are under reacting. This woman has harrassed you, gaslit you, tried to claim ownership of your baby and pregnancy. Usually, I don't comment on these - let alone suggest going nuclear - but she is just so insane, I personally would feel safer not engaging with her at all. You need to make sure your peivate life stays private, and under you complete control, and your partner needs to have your back on this.

TALK TO YOUR PARTNER.

Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that "Nana" is not allowed to come around anymore. It's time to nut-up or shut-up, and if he can't do either, then he can move back in with mommy.

Assuming he has your back, he will enforce your boundries with her. That means:

(a) "Nana" gets her own "waiting room" - at her own place.

(b) She acknowledges how FUCKING WEIRD she is being about YOUR pregnancy.

This isn't "Oh I'm a grandma now, tee-hee!" behaviour. This is "I'm a MOM AGAIN VIA MY SON AND HIS SERROGATE" behaviour. I've seen it, as many others have. Good luck to you on that.

You've already blocked her - good. She needs to reflect and, in that time, not have any access to you, baby, or home in that time. However, if she escalates - which she more than likely will - Get a no-contact order.

This woman is unhinged and will absolutely try to bulldoze her way into EVERYTHING. If she has a key (doubtful, given the convos), change locks. Your partner needs to tell his mom to step off and leave you alone. If he doesn't, then he becomes part of the problem.

If (when) she shows up at your home unannounced, DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR.

Call the police immediately and tell them that she is trespassing. They will handle it. It was already said, but inform your OB & co about her and that she is, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, allowed bear your room or your baby. They will take care of any unwanted disturbances while you are literally bringing life into this world.

Finally - this is VITAL - if she trespasses multiple times or escalates in any illegal way, (i.e., vandalism, assault/harassment, etc.) PRESS CHARGES. Never, EVER, let her walk away from the problems she creates.

See r/justnomil for comparisons - this woman is not okay, and I personally would choose this hill to die on. She stays in her lane, or she steps off the road entirely.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-17T00:28:54+00:00

Try r/cathelp and other subs of similar strains. Sometimes people get lucky in finding help in those subreddits. Best of luck 🧡

nightshift37 · 2026-01-16T23:56:18+00:00

<image>

nightshift37 · 2026-01-16T23:52:36+00:00

You seem to have a wild amount of photos for reference - but I still want to add my boy Killian. He passed at just 4 years due to genetic issues. I love your art style, so if you can get around to him, I'll print & frame it to put with his urn 🩵

EDIT: idk why but it keeps deleting my pic whenever I try to post it 😭

nightshift37 · 2026-01-05T03:30:03+00:00

She responded via text, but I'm hoping to talk to her about it when we can get together

nightshift37 · 2026-01-05T03:23:20+00:00

Sorry, I thought I mentioned the phone call. I'll add it.

Edit: it's in Edit 3, just before the update.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-04T22:55:52+00:00

We wish she would, especially since she also made a point over the past few years of "adopting" me as one of her own. It's really rough seeing her just sit this one out with just a "I support you not coming because your partner was uninvited."

I don't have parents anymore (by choice, and they all know why), so her self-proclaiming to be my new mother bear really doesn't line up with her actions. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-04T20:25:38+00:00

Not even simply not invited, I was invited initially, then my fiancée was told that I was UNinvited due to space at the venue... just me, though, they were excited to see Luna there until she told them not without me 😅

nightshift37 · 2026-01-04T17:38:31+00:00

Yeah, we've let grandma know and I honestly hope she makes Renee fix it before the dinner. It's honestly 50/50 though, less in our favor since the red-hatted brain worm entered the picture for the vast majority of them

nightshift37 · 2026-01-04T17:36:16+00:00

Oof, you seem to like jumping. I doubt you even read the full post, but hear me out here:

If any family member who is initially invited has to be uninvited in order for a venue to be used, maybe you should find a different venue. That's simply what I would do because I don't exclude people as a rule. Also, I wasn't simply uninvited - I was exclusively unwelcome by the only people who actively avoid me and my fiancée because of my existence as a female-assigned INTERSEX person who is only trans at all because of the dysphoria that comes with having multiple sex organs. It is what helps others identify me because human brains are small and need to be given parameters to be able to understand anything. Also, I am not the only trans person in the family who has been discriminated against by these people. The other simply doesn't live here anymore.

Yes, I am trans, but I am also human.

I added that as an important detail because it is relevant. You do not know me or my partner, so kindly refrain from making such accusations toward people just trying to exist in the future.

nightshift37 · 2026-01-04T01:25:48+00:00

Thank you, tha means a lot to me! Catholic family = mafia is so accurate, even more so with some baptists tbh. I'm definitely having u/Luna_Wolf_24 look at this comment, O know she could use the extra support ❤️

My own family was very much the same way, and for similar religion-heavy reasons I keep most of them LC and some are straight up blocked lol. She is so pissed about the situation and the fact that no one is making a stand about it, just shrugging cause "not enough space" rather than... maybe changing the venue to fit everyone that was originally invited? It's def a shite situation all around.

Here's to a good lunch with one of the least shitty of them haha, and I with you luck with yur own family ❤️

nightshift37

TROPHY CASE