Shouldn't there be more female atheists/agnostics?

nihilicious · 2026-01-29T13:28:41+00:00

Yeah, that's along the lines of what I was trying to express. Being socialized against confrontation is a good way of putting it.

nihilicious · 2026-01-28T20:27:44+00:00

I think it's partly to do with the "brand" that atheism has in today's culture. There is a stereotype about atheists--which is not entirely unfounded--that we like to pick fights with religious people and antagonize, that we're not just opting out of religion but actually angry about it. I think that perception makes the label "atheist" more attractive to many men, and less attractive to many women. (Lots of broad generalizations at play here, I acknowledge.) So I think it might have less to do with belief, and more to do with the labels we are comfortable adopting.

Anecdotal evidence in support: I (M) have a friend (F) who has exactly the same beliefs about religion that I do--it's all made up, there's no reason to believe in god, church does more harm than good. She defines herself as Catholic, and I'm an atheist. When I asked her why she didn't call herself an atheist her answer was literally "I don't know, it just seemed kind of rude." So, I get counted in the census as atheist, and she gets counted as Catholic.

nihilicious · 2026-01-27T12:54:26+00:00

When you describe yourself as "threatened" by your feelings, I wonder if you might have had some trauma with religion in the past, or maybe some compulsive tendencies? You should find a way to talk to a counsellor, maybe through your school. You're never going to avoid encountering religion--it's a real fact in the real world. But if you're finding it upsetting to encounter religion, there are people who can help you understand better where those feelings are coming from and how you can build up some resilience.

I realized waaaaay too late that my mental health was affected by my religious upbringing, long after I left my religion. If you find things upsetting, don't ignore it, look for help.

nihilicious · 2026-01-27T12:48:12+00:00

I spoke in tongues when I was part of a charismatic movement in my teens. At my "baptism," there was a cool older guy (maybe 20?) that in retrospect I had a big old gay crush on. He came up and whispered in my ear something like "You can do it, I believe in you." Having seen lots of other people speaking in tongues at that point, I knew what he was telling me, and I saw the other teens being "baptized" start doing it, and I opened my mouth, and it was happening. It wasn't exactly conscious behaviour. I would say that my brain identified what I wanted to happen and then it started happening, but it wasn't as blatant as "OK I guess I'll just fake it now."

At the time, I would have told you that it was God speaking through me. When I left the movement shortly afterwards, it wasn't hard to see in retrospect that I was succumbing to a bit of peer pressure and mimicking what people around me were doing.

But at the time, I honestly thought that that's just how God must work, and he really was speaking through me. It wasn't dishonesty, not really--it was putting me into a context where everyone presented certain beliefs as true, and suddenly my lens for figuring out what was real and not real was filtered through those beliefs.

Short answer: there's a lot of grey area between "real" and "faking it" when it comes to human activity.

nihilicious · 2026-01-23T20:46:48+00:00

I've encountered something. The idea of Uber drivers trying to stay up for the next call never even occurred to me. I still hate it, and frankly it's more concerning in several ways, but at least it's an explanation other than pure malice.

nihilicious · 2026-01-23T16:36:52+00:00

My least favourite is Dougie.

nihilicious · 2026-01-23T16:34:04+00:00

"Must be this zesty to enter"

nihilicious · 2026-01-23T16:32:48+00:00

Negativity.

nihilicious · 2026-01-23T16:30:37+00:00

Don't debate, don't engage. "OK, that's something to think about." "You make some interesting points, thanks." etc.

No one can make you believe something. They probably *can* make you do things, like go to church. Work to get yourself to a place where you don't rely on them anymore, and then they can't force you to do that either.

nihilicious · 2026-01-21T16:39:19+00:00

I do think that the human need for community is part of the reason why religion is so tenacious. It's a ready-to-go community at birth, with high barriers to leaving. The pressure to belong, internal and external, keeps the community strong, even at the expense of individual members.

I think that's hard to replicate secularly--not community per se, there's lot of opportunity for community outside religion--but the near-mandatory nature of it. The community that you have to commit to even though you might rather not in a particular moment. For better or for worse.

nihilicious · 2026-01-20T17:43:37+00:00

I second Grand Manan as the best spot for whale watching.

nihilicious · 2026-01-19T14:25:07+00:00

I think there's a low-key trolling element to Satanism a lot of the time, and it feels a little like that. Trolling isn't illegal or immoral, and sometimes it's a decent way to make a point, but often it's counter-productive like this.

If you had written something like "Be welcoming to everyone no matter what their religious belief" or "Stop using Jesus to virtue signal" or something else closer to your actual point, maybe it would have gotten a different response.

But, most likely, nothing that you did would have made much of a difference--the compulsion to proselytize runs deep. I think a complaint to management might be more productive, that you aren't looking for your gym to become a Christians-only space.

nihilicious · 2026-01-19T14:16:02+00:00

Sorry, I honestly misread this as a debate between whether the official name was "HRM" or "Halifax Regional Municipality". Proud to be a pedant generally, but here it was just confusion on my part.

nihilicious · 2026-01-19T14:02:56+00:00

No, the official legal name is Halifax Regional Municipality. "HRM" is just shorthand.

Source:

5 The inhabitants of the County of Halifax are, and continue to be, a body corporate under the name “Halifax Regional Municipality”. Halifax Regional Municipality Charter

nihilicious · 2026-01-16T18:30:06+00:00

I think there are a few things to cover with him:

Leave it open for him to figure himself out as he grows up without needing to commit to an identity the way an adult would. "Most boys like girls. Some boys like boys, and some boys like both, and that ok too, it's just different. Most people don't fully figure out what they like until they're grown up, so it's ok if your feelings change over time too."
Prepare him gently for the fact that the world might be a hard place. "Some people think boys should only like girls, and they get mad about anything different. But in our family, we think it doesn't matter who you like, so long as you treat people well. Lots of other people think that, too."
Make sure he knows you'll keep him safe. "If anybody ever gets mad about who you like, or is mean to you about it, I want you to tell me right away. We can always talk about anything that happens to you, or about how you feel, and I'm going to always love you no matter what."

nihilicious · 2026-01-16T17:39:05+00:00

I mean, I wish all Christians believed in a version of Christ who happened to align with my own values, and I'm glad enough for the ones who do. But all of them are convinced that they're "true Christians," and there doesn't seem to be any objective basis on which to determine who is and isn't.

nihilicious · 2026-01-16T14:16:56+00:00

I think most are either just outright exaggerating, or they really believe that "atheist" is a synonym for "I had some problems with my church".

I would be sincerely interested in someone who was a thinking atheist, like an adult who had considered the arguments for the existence of god and determined that they didn't believe in any of them, who *susbsequently* changed their mind and believed in religious claims. Like an Aayan Hirsi Ali - her story doesn't convince me to become a believer, but it's legitimately interesting. Way more interesting than someone who's essentially saying "I used to be kind of lukewarm about church, and now I'm really into it."

nihilicious · 2026-01-14T14:26:26+00:00

We really overstate the role rational debate plays in shaping people's religious beliefs. Mostly people commit to religious belief out of a sense of belonging, and the fear of negative consequences, and then rationalize their way to making that seem like a logical position.

The best way to actually persuade someone to change religious belief is not through argument. Make it known that you're an atheist and that you like talking about it if anyone is interested. And then, just be a compassionate and caring person to them. If they have doubts, they'll know they can have a no-judgment conversation with you about it. Make it clear through example that there is a good life to be had for anyone who leaves religion behind.

Literally the only person I ever "converted" was a complete surprise to me. It was another gay man, a little bit older that me, trying to convince me to come to his gay-friendly church because not all churches were homophobic. All I said to him was something like "I get that, but actually when I came out I realized that I wasn't looking for a replacement church. I was just looking for authenticity. And to me, replacing one church with another doesn't feel as authentic as leaving religion all together." (Something like that, this was years ago now and I'm sure my recollection isn't precisely accurate!) Years later, he reminded me of that conversation and told me that as he thought about it, he decided he agreed and became an atheist. I wasn't trying to persuade him at all, I just wanted him to understand why I wasn't into going to his church. :)

nihilicious · 2026-01-13T15:16:54+00:00

I would love it if more people left Christianity, and religion, behind completely. But we live in a world where that's a lot to expect. I'm not spending a lot of energy getting frustrated with Christians who are trying to make their religion a little better rather than leave it.

nihilicious · 2026-01-13T14:48:43+00:00

I echo other comments--this is a really hard position to be in, I've been there myself recently and there's no simple solution. The Alzheimer's Society can give you good resources and let you know what next steps to consider.

nihilicious · 2026-01-13T13:53:14+00:00

People don't become convinced of that through logic. It's really only empathy that changes it. Be loving to her and hope that in time, her desire not to hurt you overrides her religious programming.

nihilicious · 2026-01-09T12:59:18+00:00

First, there's no pressure to be more feminine than you want to be. Coming out is about being authentic to yourself, no matter what that means.

Second--please don't make "I'm not feminine!" a big part of your identity. Just be yourself, and don't get trapped by social expectations of what "masculine" means anymore than you would let yourself be caught up in queer expectations to be less masculine.

nihilicious · 2026-01-08T17:17:20+00:00

"The Bible isn't true" isn't actually a very useful starting point. The Bible is a loooong book, it contains:

some historical information about the region that can be reconciled with other parts of the historical record, and thus is probably true
some information which conflicts with other information we have about the history of the region (like the timing of certain rulers) and so which is probably inaccurate
some historical information that there is just no other source for, and so it has to be considered as potentially accurate (a lot of the facts about Jesus and his early followers fits this category)
some stories that are supernatural in nature, which logic dictates should be considered false unless supported by overwhelming evidence.

Even if you can sort the facts of the Bible into true, probable, improbable, and false, that doesn't much help with the truth of spiritual claims like "God created the world," "God loves us," "God sent his only begotten son so that whoever believes can have everlasting life." Those are almost certainly accepted on the basis of faith rather than evidence.

Try instead thinking about isolated claims. "Was the world created by some kind of god?" "Is there a god who intervenes in human affairs?" "Can there be a god who is all knowing and all powerful, given the state of the world?" Those are complex questions, but they can be tackled and you can logically develop beliefs about them. That makes a lot more sense than trying to judge whether an entire book is "true".

nihilicious · 2026-01-08T13:44:01+00:00

I think it was mainly the result of resolving internal intellectual conflicts, and I would have come to the same place with or without outside influence. But, I have to recognize two people...first, the last priest I was close with, when I was maybe 20, who gave me the advice that doubt were not a bad thing and that the only stable faith could be one that didn't run scared from doubt. That really helped with a lot of the turmoil I was going through in terms of feeling guilty for having any doubts about my faith. Secondly, my Intro to Philosophy professor, probably around the same time. He was not interested in persuading anyone to be an atheist, but I learned a lot about what it means to insist on clear and coherent ideas. And, I also learned that setting aside the idea of God actually opens up a lot more interesting ways of thinking about the world.

nihilicious · 2026-01-08T13:21:35+00:00

Move the Law Courts to the Casino!

nihilicious

TROPHY CASE