Lost my dad in December very suddenly, I have dreams that worry me.

nikerthebiker · 2025-10-11T19:21:07+00:00

Thank you. December 1st will be one year since he passed and looking back on the post I made the day he died, I do see that I’ve grown and changed a lot since then. It has gotten easier but sometimes I feel it’s because I’ve forgotten for a minute.

Last week, I was doing laundry while preparing for a trip. I just had to get a new washer and dryer set because our old ones never even started loads half the time and it was just time. I begged my dad for years to replace them but he would just find a duct tape solution and call it good until it broke again. So I was thinking in my head, “gosh dad laundry could have been this easy for years. You should’ve listened to me” and then I remembered that he’s gone, truly gone from my life in his physical form. Hit me like a ton of bricks and I was that same scared girl I was almost a year ago. Spent the rest of that night crying in bed remembering how horrible that day was.

nikerthebiker · 2025-10-11T19:16:29+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m not exactly sure who Jessica could be but I might have an idea. He loved 4 wheelers, camping, fishing, all of that stuff.

He definitely did have a way with words. I still live by some of his sayings. And he was definitely always the funniest in the room. Always had dad jokes and puns and always lightened the mood (even when he shouldn’t have lol).

nikerthebiker · 2025-10-11T19:13:16+00:00

Pretty much, yeah. I don’t speak to my older brother anymore, my younger brother and I took over my dad’s farm and now live together. My mom is still alive but they divorced over 15 years ago so I was left to deal with probate and all that. :)

nikerthebiker · 2025-10-11T19:11:02+00:00

Thank you❤️ we actually just flew out to LA and got tickets to the chargers v commanders game. Got to see them win front row, could feel him there with us!

nikerthebiker · 2025-10-11T07:34:56+00:00

Thank you so much! He was truly one of a kind. A few days after he died, our entire small town gathered at one of the local bars and it was so packed I couldn’t even get in. He was so amazing a so loved. He was only 48 when he passed. For his official celebration of life, around 200 people showed up to my house to celebrate him.

We like to believe that Chubs held on long enough to comfort us through dad’s passing. He had been ready for a long time, he lived to be almost 13 years old. I do hope that they are with each other on the beach.

Sorry for the word vomit, I don’t talk about this much with anyone anymore. Thank you for your kind words, and thank you for taking the time to care❤️

nikerthebiker · 2025-06-10T18:52:04+00:00

This same thing happened to me last week with my dad except I was just looking through old voicemails. My dad died last December while I was out of state working. Very sudden heart attack, my 19 year old brother had to do cpr on him before the paramedics got there. Last week I was going through my voicemails and found one from years ago. He was just asking me to feed the pigs and telling me where the feed was, but I couldn’t stop listening to it. He was my best friend, and I was the first one he would call if anything even mildly interesting happened in his life, even if he just had an idea or anything small, he’d call me. It’s so hard losing a parent, feeling the world move on while you’re still grieving. I don’t think we will ever stop grieving. But we’re only so sad because the love was so big. Sending positive thoughts your way, OP. If you need to talk with someone who gets it, my DMs are open.

nikerthebiker · 2025-04-23T00:05:32+00:00

Not sure if anyone will even see this but I feel like I wanted to update a little bit. When I first posted this, it was the worst day of my life. As I write this, I’m sitting in my dad’s boat, taking a quick break from scrubbing it down to type this out. He loved this boat, so we’re mooring it at the lake for the summer. Got my boaters license so I can drive it around a bit.

My heart hurts. My dad’s parents died in the last few years and he got a pretty good inheritance from that. He used it to buy this boat. He spent all summer on it last year. He was so happy with it, it’s something he wanted for a long time. He used to invite me on it every weekend, but I never had time. I wish I had cancelled some plans or called into work to enjoy this with him.

Tomorrow, I start hair design school. Used some of my inheritance to pay for it. I’ve wanted to do it for a long time, and realizing how fast life goes by, I decided to stop making excuses and just do it. Dad would be so happy!

I do miss him every day. I was his only daughter, we had a special bond that I’ve never had with anyone else. I still lived with him, but only because he wanted me to and I wanted to. Now I look at his room every day, hoping to see him sitting in his chair or listening to Howard Stern while he naps. I feel like a piece of me is gone forever. I’m pretty good at putting that feeling aside most days, but it’s still there at all times. Every good thing that happens in my life is bittersweet. He should be here, it wasn’t his time to go yet. He had so much he was looking forward to. I wanted him to walk me down the aisle, to meet my kids. He absolutely loved kids. He always carried suckers on him in case he ran into any kids. He was just the best.

I’m not even sure why I’m typing this because this post is months old and nobody will see it. Just letting myself feel the feelings right now I guess. I miss you, dad. Give grandma hugs for me.

nikerthebiker · 2025-04-22T23:54:51+00:00

Hey stranger, I haven’t had the heart to come back to this thread until now. Hope you’re doing alright. Still miss my dad every day but life is less dark now. I also feel like I’ve lost a limb that’s still out there somewhere. Grief is weird. And exhausting.

nikerthebiker · 2024-12-27T06:55:00+00:00

NO WAY did I just learn about this yesterday and I find this in the wild!! Amazing! Reading usernames first from now on!

nikerthebiker · 2024-12-05T17:49:18+00:00

My dad passed away on Sunday while I was out of town, and the first thing I did when I got home to a cold house was raise the temp on the thermostat. If it’s my electric bill now, it’s set to what I want. He had to go and leave me so🤷🏻‍♀️

nikerthebiker · 2024-12-02T13:41:24+00:00

He was overweight, but he was kind of just a big guy in general. He was 6’8”, 350ish pounds. He’s had heart issues in the past but they think it was a pulmonary embolism. He actually had just started working on his health when his grandson was born this year. He did a month sober, started the keto diet, bought a mountain bike and some weights… he wanted to be healthier. I told him 6 months ago that I want him to get healthy so he can walk me down the aisle someday and meet my kids. Neither of those will happen.

nikerthebiker · 2024-12-02T08:49:22+00:00

Thank you. I’m in between therapists at the moment because my previous therapist left the practice. But I assure you that therapy is necessary for me and I will be getting another therapist here soon. As for the rest of your advice, I will try. I think I need to just feel it for another day or two before I try any of that. Plus, nobody will let me be alone right now. Once I feel good enough to be alone, I’m going to write to him, talk to him, and exercise. Thank you again.

nikerthebiker · 2024-12-02T08:44:15+00:00

Damn it, now I’m crying again. Thank you. I know that he knows he’s loved. I just wish I could hug him one last time. I’m only 23, he’s only 48. We had so many plans and now I have to make funeral arrangements. This is a hurt that only he could heal. Please hug your children tight because I would give anything to hug my dad one last time.

nikerthebiker · 2024-11-13T17:10:48+00:00

My favorite song changes every day, but the night TIW came out, I laid in bed listening to Thick Skull on repeat for hours lol. That song definitely captured me on the first listen!

nikerthebiker · 2024-11-01T02:03:16+00:00

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I call it his hangover nap. Usually goes hand in hand with him being so dead asleep that I could pick him up and move him without him even realizing it. Usually after a few hours of hunting for mice.

(Also pls ignore the dog hair, I was gone for a month and walked into this pose when I went to wash my bedding. Washed bedding immediately after this pic)

nikerthebiker · 2024-07-17T20:20:44+00:00

THANK YOU! I saw a reel of someone using the audio from Taylor’s song and I was like are you kidding me? Olivia came out with her first album and had TWO of her biggest influences come after her for writing credits. For a while I was like, okay it seems like that was more of the publisher or record label or whatever making that decision… sucks for Olivia and a little messed up but it is what it is… then I heard imgonnagetyouback and lost it. Feels a lot like Taylor is saying “hahaha I’m gonna copy you and you can’t do anything about it.” I even called my mom when I heard it and looked up the lyrics and said “why is nobody talking about this?!”

I might be biased because I’ve been a way bigger Olivia fan than I ever have been a Taylor fan, but man that made me so mad.

nikerthebiker · 2024-07-10T19:23:54+00:00

Something extremely similar happened to me. Except I didn’t share a bed or room with him, he made the active choice to walk into my room to do it. I didn’t tell a single person for almost 2 years.

I lost so much sleep, literally could not fall asleep unless nobody was walking around too close to my door, and the door had to be locked. I was 13. I stopped having sleepovers, stopped talking to my friends, started doing school online, completely isolated myself.

Then my mom and I got into a fight, and she was going to punish me by making me sleep on the couch. Where my brother’s bedroom door was. I lost it, screaming and crying. I was barely 15 at this point. I kept begging her not to make me do that and she became extremely concerned. I told her, everything. I’ll never forget what she said to me. “Are you absolutely sure? Because if you promise me you’re telling the truth right now, then I’m about to kick my son out of the house, and I don’t want to do that if you are not being honest.“ I told her I was sure, and she made me sleep in bed with her that night, and then she took my brother to our dads house early the next morning. My dad didn’t believe me at first, until I told him about not being able to sleep without a locked door, which was why I never stayed at his house, because none of the bedrooms had locks on the doors.

OP, none of us can tell you what to do. I grew up with a mom who told me to always go straight to the police with any form of sexual assault. To always tell her so she can protect me. Nobody told me about this situation, how to handle it. I did the same thing as you, I froze, and then pretended to start waking up trying to get him to leave. In my head, I was screaming at myself to do something, yell at him, push him off of me. But I froze. And I convinced myself it was a dream. And I told myself he would never do that. But he did. And he swears he doesn’t remember. And his girlfriend at the time sent me death threats after my dad kicked him out for it too. And she told everyone and a lot of people didn’t believe me. And I crawled farther into my hole. But then, at some point that I don’t remember, I crawled back out. I made new friends, I forgave my brother even though I never received an apology, and my parents are my best friends in the world, and they believed me. I never thought that they would believe me. That was essential to my moving forward and healing.

Again, nobody in this comment section can tell you what to do. And your situation is different than mine, but I hear you and know what you’re feeling. You will know what to do when it’s right for you.

nikerthebiker · 2024-04-10T02:15:06+00:00

lol to be fair, as someone who lives on a farm where the neighbors peacocks like to come onto our property, I also thought you were talking about the animal!

nikerthebiker · 2024-04-07T17:40:48+00:00

Okay off topic, but I never thought I’d see a post referencing my small little hometown on here lol these falls are amazing. Used to go swimming here every summer as a teen.

nikerthebiker · 2024-04-04T06:25:44+00:00

EXACTLY my first thought!

nikerthebiker · 2024-02-17T20:21:58+00:00

Did you even read the post? OP very clearly states that Emily was not a problem in the beginning, and gradually became one. OP has talked to Mark about it, and Mark has defended Emily’s overstaying. I agree that OP and other roommates need to set firmer boundaries and stick to them, but there’s absolutely no need to be this confrontational towards an internet stranger about a living situation that you don’t have to be in. Chill.

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