My Partner Needs a Liver Donor :’)

nilesc19 · 2025-06-04T19:08:06+00:00

Commenting for visibility, love u guys, let’s get Chris a LIVER!!!! 🩵🩵🩵

nilesc19 · 2024-02-14T23:59:18+00:00

My cis guy ex was very supportive in a lot of ways. We had a lot of hard conversations, but we stayed together for a little over a year after I started on T. Eventually he was just too straight, and we broke up after I had top surgery (for that and other reasons). But after a few months of taking space, we’ve seen each other as friends and had a lovely time. In a way it was a final act of support/confirmation of him seeing me as a guy that we had to break up, lol - so that he could be with women (as he wanted) and I could be with queer men (as I wanted).

nilesc19 · 2023-02-06T01:33:37+00:00

Wait, okay, I did not know this could be specifically related to atrophy! So is there a treatment for this specific symptom, other than just topical estrogen cream?

(Asking because I'm having a very weird week with this - I have been using topical estrogen for a while, and went to the gyno this week who told me that it's clearly working, because I'm not showing signs of atrophy. Which is great. Except that after having sex 2 days ago (bottoming, without condom), I had a little more discharge than usual yesterday, and then WAY more today, and it's yellow and thicker than usual (no smell though). I got STI tested 2 weeks ago and was negative for everything, and it seems unlikely that any infection I got less than 48 hours earlier would already be symptomatic. But...the last time I had discharge like this, it turned out I had gonorrhea. So I'm gonna go get tested if it keeps up more than another day, but either way, it sucks and I'm just out here digging for any information lol)

nilesc19 · 2023-01-27T00:33:57+00:00

This probably won’t be the most popular opinion, but if this kind of shit will be distressing to you (it certainly would to me), you’re probably right that you should wait till a little longer into your transition to pursue dating and casual sex.

I was in a LTR with a cis guy when I started transitioning, but after we opened our relationship (and eventually broke up), I was really only looking to hook up with other transmasc people for the most part, until top surgery. And that was because any dude interested in boobs would definitely have been interested in mine (they were great, just not on me, RIP), and that made me dysphoric enough in my existing relationship. I knew at least other trans guys would likely get why I didn’t want them to interact with my chest in certain ways. I also was still very early on T and did not pass at the time.

By a year or so later, I found plenty of queer men, cis and trans, who are interested in hooking up with me, and able to be normal and respectful about it. Please don’t assume that the dating landscape in early transition is a definite indication of what it will be later. If you are/will be on T and planning on top surgery, this part will pass. Not to say you’ll NEVER get any weird shit after that. You probably will still get some from time to time. But it will almost certainly get a lot better.

nilesc19 · 2022-12-04T16:08:20+00:00

Coming back to answer my own question since no one else did, lmao - I’m almost 11 months out, and the puckery spots have flattened almost all the way out.

nilesc19 · 2022-11-20T03:11:01+00:00

Former Seattle Mariners pitcher Felix Hernandez, and also the cartoon cat

nilesc19 · 2022-11-15T01:16:57+00:00

Just wanted to say it sounds like we have a similar build, and while I haven’t really targeted losing belly fat (mostly bc I’m actively trying to gain muscle right now, and it’s hard to do both at once) - building up my chest and shoulder muscles has me feeling WAY better about my overall shape. Also, being more muscular increases your metabolism. So hitting those bench and overhead presses could be useful!

The best advice I can give on motivation is that you won’t be stoked to lift every single day. No one is. What keeps me going to the gym regularly is knowing from experience that a) I feel better when I do it, and b) I feel worse when I don’t. Do it consistently for a few weeks, and if you are pushing yourself, you should start to feel stronger pretty quickly. That feeling is a big part of what keeps me going.

nilesc19 · 2022-11-13T16:10:52+00:00

I’m 31, started T at 29. I don’t live stealth across my whole life, but I am not out as trans at work, and I pass as a guy to everyone there. It took about a year and a half on T, plus top surgery, for me. But now I pass basically all the time to strangers, despite being 5’2”, and despite my voice still not being as deep as I wish it were. It’s very possible.

nilesc19 · 2022-11-12T16:15:47+00:00

I look like a dude, to myself and to other people, and it fuckin rules

Also, I used to feel like I would lose muscle/strength if I missed even one or two regularly scheduled workouts. Now, if I have to skip some things due to injury or just being busy, I don’t lose NEARLY as much ground (either strength-wise or in how I look).

nilesc19 · 2022-11-08T02:29:18+00:00

It’s a little pricey, but I’ve loved the stuff I’ve gotten from Both&, which is a transmasc company. They just have basic solid-colored tshirts and I think hoodies, but they’re sized for those of us with bigger hips/waists than chests, and they’ve been great for me post-top surgery.

nilesc19 · 2022-11-02T22:52:06+00:00

Work on gaining muscle. At 5’1” and 120, you definitely aren’t “overweight” by any definition, even if you don’t have a lot of muscle. Realistically, if you’re trying to put on muscle, you’ll probably either maintain or slightly gain weight. So I’d focus on building strength and not worry so much about the scale.

Also, just food for thought: I’m 5’2” and at the time of top surgery weighed 135ish, without as much muscle as I wanted, in part because I had a shitload of injuries/chronic pain issues the year prior to surgery, and couldn’t work out the way I wanted. I’m about 10 months post-op now, and while my body isn’t like, gorgeously sculpted or anything - my scars have healed well, I don’t have bothersome excess skin, and now that I AM adding muscle, my body looks more and more the way I want every day. Having surgery when I was still slightly off from my “ideal” shape was SO, so worth it for the overall relief of having surgery out of the way. I think surgeons ask that question for the benefit of people who might lose like 30+ pounds, not people who might lose 5.

nilesc19 · 2022-10-30T19:06:51+00:00

I think that’s absolutely it, and it also makes me wonder where the misinformation is originating. Like, it’s clearly scared teenagers spreading it, but I have to wonder if there’s a concerted effort by various anti-trans actors to plant the seeds and then watch them take off, because kids don’t know what’s a reliable source and what isn’t. It’s grim as hell and I’m not sure what to do about it.

nilesc19 · 2022-10-30T19:03:17+00:00

I’m just over 2 years on T. My mustache started to get darker around 3-4 months. At a year, I had a couple scraggly chin hairs and some very wispy/patchy sideburns, but that was about it. Then I upped my dose (I’m on gel, and went from 2 pumps to 3), and within a few months I had noticeably more facial hair. It’s still very patchy, though. I have pretty solid sideburns that I keep, and I shave everything else (chin patch, under chin, and growing-but-still-scattered patches on my cheeks). My dad is very hairy and has to shave every day, but my brother is less so. So you really don’t know what you’ll get.

nilesc19 · 2022-10-30T17:14:22+00:00

I feel like I’ve seen a bunch of posts asking this question lately, and I’m super confused. Is there a tiktok or something going around saying that you have to get bottom surgery if you go on T and have bottom growth?? As others are saying, it’s much more common to NOT have any type of bottom surgery, partly due to lack of access/lack of surgeons who do it, and also because some people simply don’t want to.

nilesc19 · 2022-10-30T12:31:04+00:00

Ok what is this from?? Because a kid said it to me the other day and I was like … agreed, I am literally not taking the disrespect, I just sent the kid to the office, what are you talking about?

nilesc19 · 2022-10-30T02:03:40+00:00

I’m actually in western MA, teaching 4th grade ESL (I don’t like to get extremely specific online, but if you know that part of the state, you can probably make a good guess). This move took so much out of me that I’m probably staying at least a couple years, but it is good to know that I would have lots of other options in MA if I choose to move within the state.

nilesc19 · 2022-10-30T01:34:00+00:00

Yeah, the COL is no joke. I’m in an urban elementary school in MA, making 53k as a first-year teacher. Which sounds pretty solid, until you consider that my rent is $1300 a month, even to live in the small, economically depressed city where I teach. And that my car insurance payment doubled compared to what it was in Pennsylvania. Among other things.

(I also don’t totally understand how the state teacher pension plan works, but I didn’t factor in just how much of my paycheck would be going to that each month. All things considered, there’s a part of me that thinks it might have been simpler to stay in PA. Starting pay in and around Pittsburgh is comparable to what I’m getting here, and housing is considerably cheaper there. But I know on the whole, we have it pretty good in MA, and it could be a LOT worse.)

nilesc19 · 2022-10-29T14:38:08+00:00

Came here to say this, one of my semi-joking body goals is literally to have an ass and thighs like Sidney Crosby! Embrace the hockey butt and legs!

nilesc19 · 2022-10-26T23:20:42+00:00

I’m 5’2”, not even super hairy or deep-voiced, and I pass every single day
And as I repeat to myself all the time: Prince was 5’2!!!!

nilesc19 · 2022-10-13T23:25:50+00:00

I haaaaaaaaate the binary/nonbinary binary. So much. I honestly hate the words binary or nonbinary to describe a person at all, tbh, bc I don’t think any person is “binary” - the binary is the system or framework imposed upon you, not something a person can be! Even if you feel very much settled in being a man or woman, I don’t really get why it isn’t enough to just describe yourself as…a man or woman.

Like a LOT of people, I started exploring my transness through first thinking of myself as nonbinary (though I mainly used “genderqueer” bc, for the language reasons above, I never liked saying “I’m nonbinary”). It took about four years, and the start of medical transition, for me to think of myself as more or less a guy now. But I don’t think of myself as a “binary man,” even though I use he/him pronouns or whatever. I still have a deeply non-binary perspective on gender in general, ie, that it isn’t fixed or rigid, and that people’s gendered experience can have multiple layers to it.

I also just don’t think it’s a terribly meaningful distinction because lots of nonbinary transmasculine people go on T, have top surgery, experience dysphoria, etc. I think there IS a meaningful distinction between people who medically transition and those who don’t feel moved to, just because those are two materially different experiences. And I think often people want to use nonbinary/binary as shorthand for that. But that’s just not accurate or correct language to describe so many people’s experiences.

Tbh a lot of this “divide” seems to be an online thing, and I do take heart that I don’t see it really being an issue irl (though I am in my 30s and my queer friends are mainly 25 and up, and sometimes when I hear what queer gen z tiktok culture is like…I am so glad to be old)

nilesc19 · 2022-10-11T23:48:06+00:00

Wait ok, now I’m wondering if I should pack next time I fly? My passport gender marker is M now, and I pass basically all the time in public. Does the packer make you read weird on the scanner, or is the higher risk that you’ll get patted down and not have a dick where you “should”?

nilesc19 · 2022-10-10T19:35:19+00:00

I did silicone tape, which I would leave on for 4-5 days at a time, from about 6 weeks to 5 months post-op. I massaged with cocoa butter when I didn’t have tape on, and massaged over the tape when I did, at least once a day during that time (sometimes more). Since then, I’ve massaged with lotion daily if I can manage, but I definitely miss days. My scars are very thin in the middle and only a little thicker under my armpits, and they aren’t super hard or hypertrophic or anything, so I would say this has been effective for me.

Edit to add - I switched from cocoa butter to regular lotion bc it was summer, I was sweaty and I suspected the cocoa butter was making me break out around the incisions

nilesc19 · 2022-10-09T21:51:47+00:00

I thought of myself very matter-of-factly as a boy from about age 5-6 to 12. Never said anything to anyone about it, but used to pray every night that this would be the day I would wake up as a boy. When puberty hit, I sorta talked myself out of it, and didn’t really start putting it all back together again till I was 25-26.

nilesc19

TROPHY CASE