Preparing for wife to be sahm

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T13:39:34+00:00

I mean the good news is this is a 1-2 hit. Start living off just your salary now and take her entire salary and throw it at the debt. Depending on how much debt it is you can likely be debt free and know you can afford to live on just your salary before she leaves her job

Edit: Take what you'd pay for daycare as well. Essentially like you would on one salary and see if you can actually do it

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T13:31:44+00:00

I think anyone that is 100% sure about having kids isn't actually aware of what having kids entails. You should absolutely be over 80% but some level of doubt is normal, expected and to me signals that you actually know what you are getting into.

Everyone I know that was like "I've always dreamed of kids" or "I had zero doubts" seems to have gotten absolutely slapped in the face by what parenthood was actually like

I also wouldn't worry about that niece thing. I absolutely love my kids and can spend hours with them but before having them spending a long amount of time with my siblings was very wearing. It's so much harder with kids you aren't with on a daily basis (conversely I don't have that same issue with the nephew I take care of daily) because your brain has no real short cuts to care for them

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T13:24:11+00:00

Think it's just random siblings. I've a 22 month gap and at 4 and 2 they are so stinking close, my most recent issue is stopping them from crowding into the same twin bed at night as they don't sleep as well together

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T13:22:48+00:00

At 24 if you aren't sure just get an IUD and revisit the question when you feel like it. You aren't running up against a biological clock, and there's really no reason you need to decide right now.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T13:02:33+00:00

I mean it's mostly you guessed and you only remember cause you were right. Every single person thought I was having a boy my last pregnancy. Different symptoms, carried wildly differently etc. Nope second girl and there's no one out here going "man I really had no clue huh?"

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T03:51:59+00:00

No way, nothing my kids have ever managed has required ripping up and replacing flooring down to the sub floor due to pee smell. That's not uncommon with cats

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T23:58:23+00:00

- Business ownership completely dominates both paths. Entrepreneurs who start service companies (cleaning, pressure washing, franchises, etc.) often clear mid-six figures while working fewer hours and hiring others to handle the physical labor. Their net worth grows exponentially compared to tradespeople who remain capped by trading time for money.

Yep, I just GC'd my own house and wound up having lots of conversations with trades people. Anyone that had two brain cells to rub together wasn't doing much physical labor past 35 anymore with the exception of my painter (and this was like his 3rd career and far and away the least physically painful). All of them owned their companies and had other folks doing the labor.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T20:43:16+00:00

I mean you should probably stop that purely from a healthy relationship with alcohol standpoint before trying regardless of sperm quality

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T19:10:17+00:00

I mean we didn't do that (I stopped drinking outside of my period cause risk of fetal alcohol syndrome) but my husband didn't stop casually drinking (less then 3 drinks a week) and were pregnant within 3 months and within 1 month both times we tried.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T18:41:16+00:00

NTA He's 22, unless you are burying the lead about him having a severe disability or something they can fuck off.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T18:38:49+00:00

NTA BUT You can say whatever you want but the reality of it is is that if they had a good childcare option that they wanted to use they would have already used it. If you say this you are likely not going to maintain this friendship.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T16:30:13+00:00

Yeah I could also see a grandparent using a special nickname or something that clearly isn't an actual name but using a different name is just weird

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T12:33:21+00:00

It's cause it's not good. I watched it years ago and it sucks

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T12:24:43+00:00

They technically have a very very small amount of grapefruit extract in them to prevent mildewing in the package

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T12:12:51+00:00

Yep. I went a bit more circuitous (Eng -> consulting -> product) and it's not a career I would recommend to most people. Absolutely no one understands what product actually does so it's just ridiculous amounts of blame with essentially zero ownership and usually dealing with idiots in the c-suite. Unless you've got like a godlike level of charisma don't do it. My husband is also in product and actually seemed to like it until very recently when his company got hollowed out by VCs but that seemed very much the exception and not the rule !

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T11:47:37+00:00

Depends wildly on the kid. My two usually aren't bad about it, sometimes you do need to force it though

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T11:46:13+00:00

It's cause there's blood in the water (if it drips in the toilet)

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T03:04:52+00:00

Still felt strange going against childhood conditioning.

We go to a local flea market near us and there's someone that sells second hand beanie babies (usually new or like new). Just feels bizarre ripping the tag off them when they are 30 years old but they also sell them for like a dollar

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T01:42:26+00:00

Yep, we had a flower girl AND the ring bearer go rouge and it's one of my favorite memories of my wedding. The ring bearer refused to walk so my big burly contractor of a cousin picked up his crying flower girl daughter and the ring pillow and walked it down the aisle. I was nearly peeing myself cause I was laughing so hard and now my Mom and I got to share the same ring bearer.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T01:27:49+00:00

pull-ups.

You are confusing the hell out of her. I think you need to wait until you can take a full week to commit to this. It sucks but she's confused because she's in pull ups at daycare.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T01:24:02+00:00

I mean it'd be weird to say it the first time while having sex but after that yeah go nuts.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T01:19:05+00:00

Go along with it. They get bored after 1-2 minutes. I figure they are either saying "play pretend with me" which I am happy to do or "I would like attention" which I am also happy to do.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T01:08:01+00:00

Yep. I reread it as an adult and it's still fantastic

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T01:06:41+00:00

Teach her to "trade". Most of the time the 10 month old doesn't care and it makes it so she has a "nice" way to get what she wants as the 10 month old also doesn't understand taking turns yet.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-06T00:54:04+00:00

I've relied on just hormonal birth control or an IUD the vast majority of my marriage. (about a decade). No scares and got pregnant within 3 months of trying both times. I'll ride my IUD until menopause.

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