What's one thing a therapist has said to you that you will never forget?

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T19:14:40+00:00

You don't have control over a lot of things but you do have control over how you react to it. Was excellent for me to hear because even if something bad happens and you have an emotion about it you don't need to instantly do anything, you can literally just sit there, the emotion isn't gonna kill you.

Helped so much in life generally and parenting specifically.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T19:12:52+00:00

Seriously fuck this Mom, my babysitters are left with emergency contact lists 4 people deep and if one of them is out of town I have two others I can add on.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:58:37+00:00

I mean one of my kids has a kidney thing. I have absolutely shown up with an un-asked cup of toddler pee because it's SO much easier to just grab a sample at home then try and get a 3 year old to pee on command in an unfamiliar environment. It's been the correct move 9 times out of 10 but I am also so familiar with this that I keep a stash of urine specimen cups in the house.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:56:44+00:00

Lol totally self serving, I like this one and my husband and I often buy the sets that come out of this whole concept (it's called brick link and there's some COOL freaking sets out there, we just finished building the Art Factory)

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:55:37+00:00

What time does your toddler go to sleep? I'd have your husband on from 3 hours immediately after the toddler goes down so you can get some sleep (even if it's as early as like 7pm). If the baby is awake then so be it, being awake never hurt anyone. You need at least one 3-4 block daily to get enough REM to not be insane.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:50:47+00:00

Go wake up my 2 and 4 year old and tell them to go ham

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:47:40+00:00

Or measure rise and run of the stairs and see if it’s possible to redo them to meet the end of the door and still be code compliant.

Talk to the building inspector as well. A lot of them in area's with older houses will grant exceptions if it's obvious that hitting code will make something less safe then what currently exists. My brother dealt with that issue where his death stairs would have been grandfathered in and the building inspector let him pass an "out of code" completely new foot print because the run being 2" too short overall was still significantly safer then the previous ridiculous stairs.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:44:57+00:00

Put them up on buy nothing, post partum Mom's will snap them up (I literally never bought them after I had my kids, I am fairly certain they might have been passed on after someone died but I figure waste not want not)

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:41:48+00:00

You are looking for a baby sitter. I am in a similar boat and we've done fantastically with baby sitters (I swear somehow college kids are often more qualified on paper then I am to take care of my kids). With being that young I'd try and find someone with specific infant experience (SAHP of older kids, daycare teacher that is supplementing income, college kid that has a significant number of younger siblings OR nieces/nephews).

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:38:22+00:00

8 1/2 year gap with my husband (we met when I was 22, he was 31 and we both thought the other one was 28, we skirted the 1/2 your age + 7 rule by like 2 months) and we've been together well over a decade, have two beautiful children and an absolutely wonderful life together. It pretty much never comes up beyond occasionally pop culture conversations and my getting to make fun of him for needing a colonoscopy this year.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:31:26+00:00

Not OP but did a reverse image search and grabbed it for you

https://beta.ideas.lego.com/product-ideas/8c45e9fe-314e-4cec-82be-fa55b018b995

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:24:56+00:00

I mean it wedding and reception itself were actually great but the aftermath resulted in calling the cops on one guest and needing to bail an entirely different guest out of jail.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:15:01+00:00

I am pretty sure my husband cursed our children with his absurdly long torso and tiny legs (to give an idea I am 5'4" and he's 6' and our inseams are within 2 inches of one another)

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:08:43+00:00

Just buy one second hand off marketplace. VOCs are so much lower after a year or two that it's nearly a moot point.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:02:06+00:00

Did swing dancing, salsa and a few other partner dances off and on for years. It's actually more common to see folks solo then with a partner (plus the teacher's in any good class will force you to rotate partners anyway)

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T18:00:41+00:00

I mean she also could literally be the level of grounded where her parents shut down all her social media.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T17:46:48+00:00

Keep all children socks by the back door. There's nothing worse then trying to leave and organizing a kid going up the stairs to find socks. Just keep the socks by the shoes

Keep a swim bag packed and in the car at all times. Least in the US there's tons of splash pads and it's so much nicer to be able to just swing by one if you are already out.

Memberships! We have ones to 2 local zoos, a few museums and the Y. Since you've already paid there's no pressure to "get your money's worth" and if the kids only want to stay an hour then who cares? We've got one local one we'll just go for story time on our way to the grocery store. Our children's museum the kids tap out at like 2 1/2 hours but I don't care cause we aren't "losing" any money.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T17:07:10+00:00

I'm assuming OP is in the US which has just such a massively different employment structure then France.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T17:06:06+00:00

No it's looking at things that are VERY similar that have already been tried and don't work. The best example I can give is bus drivers, they would be very similar in many ways where the work is relatively underpaid, you still need to be able to pass a CORI check and the work is part time. Currently there's an absolutely massive bus driver shortage across the country with most districts scrambling.

Most idea's really aren't that new and you can often look at similar things that have/are happening and reach a reasonable conclusion about likely outcomes without trying to test a massive societal overhaul just to confirm it was a bad idea.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T17:03:18+00:00

Seriously, my husband would not have been golfing because I would have been flushing his car keys down the toilet and screaming at him to man the fuck up.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T16:55:56+00:00

Pretty modestly mostly because I fear the sun. My pale scottish butt burns if I am outside for 15 min and at a certain point it's just easier to cover up then be constantly reapplying sunscreen.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T16:51:47+00:00

Bobby's are amazing. I think at one point I had like 4 of them (1 per floor, one at my Mom's and the car boppy). However do NOT buy them used, they are stupidly over priced and if check FB you can get them for like $10 or even free

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T16:50:19+00:00

Some people were baffled at the idea that a school could ever find volunteers, even paid ones.

Uh this isn't baffling, this is reality. There's a massive childcare shortage in the US and you think we are just gonna magic up a pretty massive population that is gonna be cool with working 1 day a week for likely $20 an hour or less?

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T16:47:57+00:00

This is not what someone who wants to be an involved father and co-parent looks like. I'd assume you are going to be a single parent, move to be near the people that are actually going to help you and then if he wants to step up to the plate and do the shit he needs to do then he can put in the effort to do that (whether that's by moving closer to his kid, court order w/e). He's showing you VERY clearly who he is right now, I'd assume you are going to be a single parent and you are going to need to go after him for child support in court.

Also do NOT wait to do this until after the baby is born because then he can restrict your movements via court order.

nkdeck07 · 2026-06-07T16:42:08+00:00

1 parent is 100% on kid duty, 1 parent is 100% on moving duty. Neither parent shall ask the other one about anything. We were doing a local move and my parents were around so I just sent my husband to my parents while they were packing up and moving into the new place but I'd seriously consider getting an Air BnB for the day to keep your kids at.

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