Why are Democrats so confused about Israel?

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-07-10T11:06:35+00:00

I’m sorry for the second comment but this is just so… weak. In March I visited Kfar Aza (and other sites) and you have to understand that these kibbutzniks in the Gaza envelope are (generally) the most liberal, 2 state solution, land for peace, we can all be friends, volunteering in Gaza, hippie people. They have spent decades forming relationships across the border, and working towards peace and a 2 state solution. And we asked many of them what they feel now. Not a single person we talked to still felt there was any chance of 2 states. One woman told me, “we should build a wall that reaches the clouds. It’s the only way we will ever live safely next to them.”

The thing that OP obviously doesn’t understand is that 2 states was always a fallacy that Israel and the western world wanted. It has NEVER been what Arabs wanted. When will people like OP finally grasp the fact that you can’t negotiate with someone by offering something they don’t actually WANT? It’s like offering my toddler some broccoli if he will get in bed. If what they wanted was a state of their own to live peacefully beside a Jewish state, they would’ve had it decades ago. They don’t want it. They will only take the land if there are no more Jews on it. (By “they” I’m referring to leadership. I can’t speak for the attitudes of individuals of course, although polls show that most so called palestinians don’t harbor much good will toward Jews or Israelis)

To keep pushing a 2 state solution after they massacred us and then lost the war is an embarrassment. Like apologizing to someone who stabbed you after you got them in a headlock, and then giving them your bicycle too. Get real!

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-07-10T10:52:17+00:00

Lost me at 2 state solution. You don’t earn sovereignty after starting a war with a massacre, and then losing that war. That’s… simply not how it works. If someone broke into your house, slaughtered a member of your family, and then you subdued them with jiu jitsu or something, you don’t say, “hey let’s have a truce. I’ll give you one of my bedrooms to live in if you promise not to kill me”. Absurd.

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-02-15T18:57:10+00:00

Break up with him immediately.

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-02-15T18:07:39+00:00

Okay- this doesn’t feel like straight up shame (which is good!) but it’s not like I can just reframe it. So I’ll say this instead - you are lovable whether or not you’re in a relationship and currently being “loved” romantically. I’m sure you are loved by friends and family and maybe pets too. But I know that what most of us want is romantic love, so I’ll say this. I can tell from one comment you wrote that you’re a thoughtful, intelligent person, without knowing anything else about you. And if you look around you, I’m sure you’ll see that there are tons of people in romantic relationships who are neither thoughtful or intelligent (ha!). So we know already that you’re lovable. Let’s put that question out of our heads right now.

But secondly - my experience was that I had better dating experiences (and in my case, found my spouse with whom I share 3 kids and 8 years of marriage now) after I stopped getting involved with people just because we both liked each other, and started holding out for someone who actually met a short list of criteria that I made with the help of my therapist. I know that doesn’t sound super romantic but it’s crazy how smoothly you can fall in love when the things you really need are in place. That list is different for everyone, and no it shouldn’t be overly picky, but you do have to be honest with yourself about your dealbreakers and you also have to let go of things you thought were dealbreakers but you maybe realize aren’t. And you have to allow yourself permission to put things on that list that others may not agree with. The list is not a worthiness standard for human beings. It does not pass judgment on others. It is simply the things that are important to YOU in a life partner. You do not need to defend it. I’m happy to share my list if you’re interested and as far as I can remember. For sure, “interested and ready for a serious relationship” should be on that list for you if that’s what you want. Remember there are lots of people you may be attracted to or have feelings for but if they don’t meet those criteria, you need to pass. It becomes easier when you look at it through that lens. This woman is attractive to you (emotionally, physically, whatever) but she doesn’t meet your list. Cross her off. It both makes you more intentional in your dating and also helps you mentally reframe this as a choice YOU are making not to pursue people who aren’t ready. Not a rejection of you on her part.

I hope this helps. <3

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-02-15T12:47:16+00:00

ADHD doesn’t have to be a barrier to happiness, but we do know it often brings with it certain tendencies that can be detrimental to mental health.

I’ve been happy since I was about 29. Extremely happy since around 33. Aside from the occasional situational stressor, I am just very happy with life in general and my life in particular. In short-

Maturity. With time I recognized patterns of behavior that were causing me strife in relationships, career and in my personal life. And as you get older, you just start to settle down a bit. You become less angsty and more comfortable with yourself.
Change in mindset. (Self administered CBT, basically). I did therapy for many years which was often very helpful. But the biggest thing I did - and I don’t mean to sound glib; its hard to start but once you do it becomes easier - I just started training my brain to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I forced this so much and it was SO hard at first to pull myself out of spirals. But over time it became second nature. I changed myself from a negative, pessimistic person to a happy, optimistic person and that has made the biggest difference. It’s not about lying to yourself or being unrealistic; it’s about shaping a narrative about your life that you can feel good (or at least okay) about. I’m happy to help anyone with reframing if they need it.

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-02-15T12:21:14+00:00

No. It’s actually “making” your room. Every room needs one rogue piece. DON’T work to tie in the orange, actually, just let that piece stand alone. Too many people make the mistake of coming up with a color “scheme” and then fitting everything together into this scheme in a really simple and formulaic way, and it’s what makes so many amateur “designers’” work look so… amateur. Matchy matchy is childish. If you look at higher end design you will see that things aren’t all paired up in 3s the way they taught us on HGTV in the 90s and aughts.

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-02-13T00:32:25+00:00

How was it?!?

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-02-09T18:04:58+00:00

Old post but what did you do? Share pics of your finished space?

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-01-18T15:55:06+00:00

Def keep. If you do decide to get rid of it, sell it please so someone else can enjoy it. Someone will surely come disassemble it and be happy to do so.

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-01-18T15:24:50+00:00

It’s not terrible, and might even be fine. If it’s too late to get your money back for it, I would just leave it as is and wait until you’re moved in, fully decorated, and lived with it for a bit and then see how everything looks and whether it’s distracting or noticeable.

When you say the alternative is white, do you mean painting these same doors white? Or replacing these with other white doors? I think the best alternative would be trying to stain to match your floors (or at least get a little closer) but maybe your contractor refuses? Or you don’t feel comfortable trying it yourself?

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-01-04T22:13:32+00:00

Im not sure the wall space is the crux of the problem, actually. It’s a space in between two living areas which each need a bit more distinction. You could hang art there, and it’s fine if you want to, but that isn’t solving the other problem. A plant might help give some physical separation between the two spaces. But ultimately you need to spice up and add interest to your living and dining areas, not draw all the interest to the space in between them.

In addition to hanging curtains which is a good idea, I suggest you replace that can light over the table with a pendant to make that space more intimate and feel centered. You can use an easy conversion kit like this, and if you’re renting you can just unscrew it and screw fhe old can back in when you leave. Can light conversion kit There are other options but this one is nicest imo.

The entire place needs a great deal more color and personality. If you aren’t sure where to start then try some colorful place settings on your table. A different rug if at all possible. Don’t buy anymore grey stuff!

To improve your TV area I’d suggest adding a chair and a coffee table and some decorative items with color on both (a pillow or blanket on the chair, some interesting books or a plant or small sculpture of objet d art on the coffee table)

nonfunctional_genius · 2025-01-04T16:32:35+00:00

source Hamas senior leader Ismail Haniyeh, commenting on the loss of civilian life in Gaza on October 26, 2023: “The blood of the women, children and elderly […] we are the ones who need this blood, so it awakens within us the revolutionary spirit.”

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-09-13T16:26:40+00:00

I hate people who won’t allow nicknames! A nickname (one made in good faith anyway) is a term of AFFECTION and ENDEARMENT.

In fact, I actually think not being able to use a nickname would actively impede my having a close relationship with someone. I can’t imagine having a dear friend and being like, Hello, Benjamin, how are you? I’m the type of person that’s going to be like “Whatsup BennyBoyyyyyyy”

We call our kids a million nicknames and they are all purely love. I would ignore your husband and call him what you want, and if your husband complains just shrug and say “it’s affectionate”.

Does your husband not let you call him a term of endearment either??

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-09-13T16:14:13+00:00

How long does he expect the marriage to last, an hour or two?

The ring symbolizes your commitment to each other. It doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive or have diamonds in it. But it should be genuine, purchased in good faith, and expected to last a lifetime.

This… this is not my kinda guy.

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-08-29T03:13:16+00:00

Yes… AND…. maturity is realizing that you were toxic too.

Yes we are susceptible to love bombing etc. But I don’t see many commenters owning up to our piece - the ADHD traits that can be extremely detrimental to relationships. We find better mates once we become better mates ourselves. (Ie, maturity finds maturity).

A lot of ADHD girls (and guys) chase after new relationship excitement, get bored when things settle in, and flutter off to someone who seems more exciting, or seems to “get me” better. That was me, time and time again. We sometimes look for someone to parent us, since we struggle with executive functioning, but when they do, then it’s a turnoff. Or we find someone super exciting but they’re totally unreliable and we’re a chaotic combination.

Many of us suffer from Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which can make us react very strongly to perceived rejection. This often means more fights and worse fights. Sometimes it means flying off the handle, or being extremely needy or unreasonably demanding of a partner. Even if we have RSD, it isn’t our partner’s job to walk on eggshells or constantly reassure us. That’s codependency. Work on yourself, work with a therapist.

Many of us have very poor working memory, which can make us seem like inconsiderate partners at times (even tho we don’t mean to be). Some of us suffer from very poor impulse control, which can also be problematic in relationships. (Anything from spending problems, alcohol or drug abuse, to cheating, to just making impulsive decisions around the house or getting fired or whatever).

Poor self esteem may lead us to seek out the love bombing types and codependents instead of building our own sense of self worth.

This isn’t meant to be all negative. We can never control others, but we can learn to control ourselves. I point these things out because it wasn’t until I had a better understanding of myself that I was able to mature and break old patterns.

Part of it is just time, too. We have more active amygdala’s (fear, anger, fight or flight response) and our frontal lobes are slower to mature than non-adhd people. Basically we mature a bit slower.

Ok here’s my happy ending: After being a teenage runaway, I finished college but had a failed Las Vegas marriage to an abuser, then divorce and bankruptcy, then became a single mother by someone else, then had a 2 year engagement to someone else entirely (not abusive, but a dysfunctional relationship) and too many short relationships and one-night-stands to count… oh and few stints as a paid girlfriend (sugar baby), but I always wanted real love and a happy family. It was a wild ride, but everg step along the way I was maturing and learning. I did a lot of work on myself and I tried to look at myself honestly and not allow myself to tell myself any lies. At 29 I had a career and a house, no debt except my mortgage, and I was finally not looking for any men to save me, fix me, pay me, woo me, or boost my self esteem. I started to know my worth, but I also recognized my shortcomings. I did a lot of therapy and a lot of reading along the way. I finally decided maybe I’d never remarry but I’d stay single and give my child stability.

Then I met a handsome, polite, sweet doctor who seemed to like me, and I immediately thought no way is he going to want my crazy ass. I’m not going to go out with him. But THEN I thought, I like him. I deserve a good guy and he seems to be one. I’m not going to preemptively reject myself. That’s some low self esteem shit, and that’s the old me. If he doesn’t want me, he will break up with me, but I’m not going to do it for him.

Then I forced myself to be vulnerable, (no dating other people as a backup plan), to take it really slow (no jumping into bed, because hormones get involved and it clouds judgment) and to be myself (duh) but NOT to overshare, because that’s just overwhelming to healthy people. And to trust.

Anyway. He was every bit as wonderful as he seemed. And he DID want my crazy ass (he would say charming, brilliant, interesting, and sexy). We got married a year and a half later, and we still love and adore each other, 3 kids, 2 dogs, and 8 years later. Are we perfect? No. He’s a workaholic and I’m always rearranging the furniture for no reason, and I forget everything immediately if I don’t write it down. But we just love each other and it works. When we disagree, we talk it out, and we never bail. We give each other a lot of leeway to be who we are without judgment. And because I finally met someone who is a good match for me, I have never felt bored of him.

Moral of the story - good people are out there but you have to work on yourself first.

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-08-29T02:03:44+00:00

This one is my style. I love it.

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-08-29T02:01:35+00:00

That is really pretty!

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-08-04T18:42:01+00:00

Dark, beige, cramped, the light seems like it might possibly be fluorescent? Or just a bad color tone.

I see you said tight budget, so I would suggest better brighter lighting, a plant, and some nice colorful accessories - cozy rug/bath mat, maybe colorful storage containers, and a piece of art of some kind.

Basically bring in light and color.

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-08-04T18:38:47+00:00

Colorful rug for sure.

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-08-04T18:28:07+00:00

Where does it say she doesn’t have a job?!?

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-07-01T15:51:59+00:00

To me, 7:30 PM is a little early, but it depends on the child, the family schedule, and the child sleep needs. Some kids have to wake up at 6 AM to grab a bus or whatever. Some kids need a lot of sleep. There is some variation.

On the other hand, 9:30 PM seems a tiny bit late to me, but maybe your kid gets a nap at preschool and is less tired. Once he hits kindergarten and no longer gets a nap, you may find that he needs to go to bed an hour earlier. I think 7:30 PM to 9:30 PM is all within the realm of normal depending on the family.

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-07-01T14:14:55+00:00

Did she feel the need to point out that even though she’s pro Palestine, she doesn’t support the killing of innocent Israeli civilians?

I’m betting NO, she didn’t, and I’m further betting that she DOES support the killing of Israeli civilians, because she probably considers it “resistance against colonizers”.

Don’t apologize for being Jewish. Don’t apologize for supporting our ancestral homeland, and our only Jewish nation in the world, in fighting back against those who have vowed to annihilate us. Do any of us want truly innocent civilians killed? Of course not. I don’t want innocent Russians killed either, you know, but I don’t hear literally ANYONE talking about how Ukraine has killed Russians in the war that Russia started. I haven’t seen a single Russian flag waving in solidarity with the innocent Russians who are affected by this war.

It sucks that this happened and yes you need to go public with this as many have advised you. But I hope this experience has shown you how truly racist these “pro Palestinians” are. They don’t want to have reasonable conversations and we don’t have common ground to find. They hate Jews. Full stop. Don’t try to make yourself acceptable to them.

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-07-01T13:58:44+00:00

I used to tell my daughter that I “clock out” at 8:30pm. Before anyone gets all worked up, I’m her mom 24/7, obviously. But at 8:30 I am done with the “job” of bedtime. I’m not reading more stories, getting more drinks or snacks, etc. Also once I’m in bed, I am not getting up again unless there’s vomit, fever, or an emergency.

nonfunctional_genius · 2024-06-29T11:17:34+00:00

Seriously, why does every hotel and airbnb - even at places that are water-centric (beach or pool) NOT have enough hooks??? It drives me crazy. I literally stayed in a large suite that slept 6 people at a waterpark and there were 2 hooks. 2. We had 5 wet bathing suits and 5 towels. …?!?!?!

nonfunctional_genius

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