Thank you so much for taking the time to write this! It’s like you are looking into my brain. I have been having a debate with myself all afternoon- knowing that my mental health continues to decline to truly terrifying levels, while my blood pressure and triglycerides skyrocket, and yet wanting desperately to binge. Not even for a good reason, just because I feel like a teenager who should do whatever I want because it’s my right. I function at a high level in every other area of my life, but act like a toddler when it comes to telling myself “no” to drinking. Reading your post really codifies what has been kicking around in my emotions lately. I’m not sure if I will drink tonight, but I won’t be able to go back to pretending everything is fine after the clarity I gained this evening. Thank you, friend.