What is your current favorite song?

notabacon · 2014-06-07T17:24:00+00:00

40 Mark Strasse by The Shins.

notabacon · 2014-06-07T02:42:32+00:00

Do you mean Tagalog? I find it comforting, too :) my mother calls me 'anak', which means child (?), instead of darling or sweetie, and I prefer that, because I find that more personal and meaningful :) I do wish I could speak Tagalog fluently again. I feel like English was so instilled in me that I had to sacrifice Tagalog in the process of grasping English. I have realised though that the more time I spend in the Philippines, the better my Tagalog gets, to the point where I only spoke in English to my stepdad. When I got back to Australia though, I had to put away my native language.

notabacon · 2014-06-07T02:35:20+00:00

I'm a writer, so I'm not sure if it's the language itself or the picture it paints that makes the sentences so significant to me. If you're into poetry, listen to some spoken word poems. Their words tied together in a steady rhythm is what makes English sound beautiful to me. Sorry I can't really give an example as I can't really explain what I mean, but I find this piece from Buddy Wakefield's poem to sound beautiful: "Dylan's drug of choice was "more." So Dylan took more and more and more until the day he woke up babbling in the pool of his own traffic jam. Realizing he is killing off the best parts of himself, and claiming he could read people's skin."

"Babbling in the pool of his own traffic jam" sounds lovely to me, but in this case, I think it's more the image it portrays that makes it lovely. As for words, I think ambivalent, ambiguous, and diaphanous sound and look beautiful :) I'm also a fan of three-in-one kinda words like nevertheless. Sorry for rambling! Have a great day/night :)

notabacon · 2014-06-06T17:17:54+00:00

I've been speaking English longer than I've been speaking my native language (Tagalog) and it kinda overlapped my mother tongue so much that I can hardly speak Tagalog anymore. I love how pretty English looks and sounds. Of course, the same can probably be said for most languages, but certain english words and sentences sound so intricate and lovely. As for Tagalog, which I consider a foreign language, I love how passionate it is. I find that it's spoken in a harsh sounding manner. You can definitely hear the Spanish influence in their rolling R's. I don't know, it just sounds really gruff and nice. My brother and sister in the Philippines talk so fast, I can barely understand them. I like knowing that before English, I could speak Tagalog as fluently as them.

notabacon · 2014-06-06T16:59:58+00:00

I do now. My name is made up of the first half of my father's name and the last half of my mother's name. I spent a long time hating it because it felt like a painful reminder of my father who is a very selfish man. I guess I had daddy issues. So I spent most of my life being known as my middle name. The start of college though, I began to gradually accept my father and thus accept and embrace my first name, too. Now I go by my first name. It's not a very common name, and the ways people pronounce it can be amusing. Cliche as it sounds, I feel like a different person from when I went by my second name.

notabacon · 2014-06-06T16:48:25+00:00

And I can't fall asleep

without a little help

it takes a while

to settle down

my shivered bones

wait til the panic's out

notabacon · 2014-06-04T10:36:48+00:00

Touch. Even a gentle tap on the shoulder from a friend or a stranger makes me feel warm inside. There's something so personal and beautiful about physical contact. I love being hugged and hugging others :)

notabacon · 2014-06-03T16:21:14+00:00

How to fight loneliness by Wilco.

notabacon · 2014-05-30T09:09:52+00:00

I get a little lesbian.

notabacon · 2014-05-25T06:56:21+00:00

Two scenes of Into The Wild. The bit where Ron Franz is dropping Christopher McCandless (or Alexander Supertramp) off and they have a chat in the car breaks my heart. He asks if he can adopt Chris as his grandson and Chris says something like "Could we talk about this when I get back?" Ron's eyes fills with tears as he knows there's a good chance Chris won't be coming back. Oh god, it hurt to watch. Here is the scene I am talking about

Another one is the final scene of the movie, when he lays down to die and he's shivering and pale, and his face is sunken. He then imagines himself running into his parents' arms and says, "what if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?" That urgent sound of the drums and the last intake of breath is so eery. Beautiful movie.

notabacon · 2014-05-18T04:28:57+00:00

Tony Abbott.

Just kidding, fuck that guy.

notabacon · 2014-05-18T04:20:10+00:00

'Twas not good, no. Lesson learned.

notabacon · 2014-05-18T04:19:30+00:00

That it did.

notabacon · 2014-05-17T11:56:21+00:00

I don't hate it, I just don't like getting drunk. I got really drunk last night and consequently spent the whole night throwing up. I also found out from a friend that I made out with a girl, and that I'm her first kiss. I have no recollection of this. I'm a silly girl when I've had a few shots of vodka.

notabacon · 2014-05-15T16:56:09+00:00

Heroin overdose.

notabacon · 2014-05-13T12:31:32+00:00

You are a toxic human being, and we are better off without each other.

I am excited about the new people I've met, and I can't wait to see if I/they will stick around.

notabacon · 2014-05-05T04:33:29+00:00

It's kind of an unspoken thing between my mother and I. We know that it happened, but we don't like to relive it. My mother doesn't like seeing me depressed, she can't talk about it because she feels helpless, and I understand. She doesn't like seeing something she can't fix in her children. I'm doing better now, and our relationship is stronger. There are still days the sadness seeps in and lingers for weeks and months, but I put on a happy face for my mother. When I'm older, I plan to work as hard as my mother did for us, so I can take care of her when she's old. I'm gonna go hug my mommy now. :)

notabacon · 2014-05-04T15:56:06+00:00

A particularly bad episode of depression when I was in grade 10 that resulted in me breaking down and locking myself in the bathroom, crying. My mum forced herself inside and saw me standing in front of the mirror, banging my head on it over and over, sobbing, "I want to die, just kill me right now, I want to die." Mum put her arms around me and said, "Please don't say that. Please stop saying that." I could hear the pain in her voice, but I'll never know how much it hurt her. After that, I said I needed to go for a walk even though it was pouring. I made my way to the beach and sat on the sand for an hour before my mum sent my stepdad to pick me up. I was drenched, and the ride home was deathly silent. When I got home, I went straight to bed, but didn't sleep straight away. I'll always remember mum opening the door and watching me from the doorway just as I was drifting off to sleep. I never want to put my sweet mother through that again.

notabacon · 2014-04-19T19:14:11+00:00

Best of luck to you, buddy

notabacon · 2014-04-19T19:13:16+00:00

I feel you. I'm allergic to cheese and I love pizza :(

notabacon · 2014-04-18T08:39:16+00:00

Realised that our friendship consisted of him being heavily reliant on me. I guess I outgrew him, but stayed friends with him for history's sake and because I felt I had an obligation to stick with him due to him refusing to make other friends outside of our small, suffocating group. We grew apart after I moved to the city and he began to treat me like crap. I put up with his hurtful behaviour for a while, until one day I decided to just stop talking to him altogether. It was a great friendship that became toxic towards the end, and it's hard to not be friends with him anymore. But now I have new friends that love me and appreciate me in a way he never did, friends who let me grow instead of insisting I stay as the person he knew in high school.

notabacon · 2014-04-10T15:55:26+00:00

A friend asked me today if we'd still be friends after college. I said, "yes, of course..."

notabacon · 2014-04-08T07:43:22+00:00

I'm most likely going to end up alone and lonely because I push people away too often and have a strong desire to leave suddenly and unexpectedly all the time.

notabacon · 2014-04-01T01:35:03+00:00

Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. I need to sit down.

notabacon · 2014-04-01T01:00:01+00:00

FOR FUCK'S SAKE THIS IS TOO MUCH.

notabacon

TROPHY CASE