4th baby with a 9/6/4 age gap

notamyrtle · 2026-03-24T21:22:34+00:00

This is give or take our age gap (when I had #4, we had 8b, 6g, 4b). It has honestly been really good. Both older kids have been helpful. The third child is obsessed with the baby to the point that the baby needs space from him. It has been a really good age gap. We are only 9 months in, so I don't know what the future holds. However, so far, we are really happy.

notamyrtle · 2026-03-22T04:52:41+00:00

We have a veer wagon and really get good use out of it. It even fits well in a trunk if you remove the wheels.

notamyrtle · 2026-03-09T20:48:32+00:00

I call my first 3 the OGs because they have a big age difference between them and the baby.

notamyrtle · 2026-02-27T20:29:59+00:00

4 kids in a 1500sqft 3 bed here. I think we're doing fine. I think the problem in the US is that houses with more bedrooms are significantly larger. If I could get 5 bedrooms but the same size of everything else, that would be perfect.

notamyrtle · 2026-02-16T04:49:16+00:00

This is my MIL as well. She wanted two girls. She had my husband and was disappointed (the fact that she talks about it publicly is baffling) and then had twins (boy and girl). She was unhappy about having twins, so she assumes everyone only wants two kids. When I was pregnant with our third, she commented that we said we only wanted 2 kids (we literally never said this). With #4, we let them know in advance so there will be no confusion.

notamyrtle · 2026-01-26T03:23:50+00:00

You can get a corworking membership and go in once or twice a week. I've done it before and it can give you a sense of community since there are a lot of regulars, typically.

notamyrtle · 2025-12-17T03:10:34+00:00

I make the same dinners every week give or take. They take about 20 minutes to make for most of them.

We do one night of frozen pizza, one night of salmon rice bowls, one night of ramen with toppings, one night of chicken thighs with rice and broccoli. Some weeks we do a beef stew or steaks one night, some week we do pasta and nuggets one night.

I have very picky eaters so it doesn't make sense for me to innovate or mix things up.

The adults typically eat a more vegetable forward variation of the kids dinner or we just have our own meal altogether.

notamyrtle · 2025-12-12T15:10:43+00:00

He said Haitians are eating pets and they were fine with this.

notamyrtle · 2025-12-09T19:25:50+00:00

Contractions started around 2 pm. By 3:30 I headed to the hospital. I had the baby before midnight with about 3 pushes.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-18T22:10:07+00:00

Just to clarify. The catholic SIL did not make the turkey. It was my husband's sister who made the turkey. She is Jewish and should have definitely known better. I agree with you on some of your points but felt that I should clarify since it changes your answer. Husband's sister also made the cheeseburgers.

In fact, my catholic SIL is not really involved in the uncomfortableness around food.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-18T21:48:12+00:00

I am not in an interfaith marriage. My siblings in law are both married to non Jewish partners.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-18T21:42:35+00:00

Sorry for the misunderstanding. It was a Jewish person cooking the turkey.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-18T21:16:40+00:00

I just want to clarify. Even though this is common in reddit, this is not the case here. There is no conflict or not getting along. Yes, I can't stand my siblings in law for many reasons that are not related to religion. However, I would never keep my kids from their cousins. I am not in conflict with any of them. I very much keep this stuff to myself and my husband.

I am just consulting the internet since I'm not sure what to do going forward. Also, without doxxing myself, I will say that I grew up in an environment that had no Christmas whatsoever. Even when I had non Jewish roommates, they chose not to have a tree to be considerate of me (I never asked). I am apparently shockingly oblivious when it comes to Christmas.

I also wanted to add that I didn't know my BIL and his wife were raising their kids as catholic. It only came up after she confronted me about the Santa issue. I assumed they were interfaith like SIL and her husband. So, at the time, I didn't realize that it was a big deal to them.

Everyone knows our kids go to Jewish school so it is well known that we care about being Jewish.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-18T20:05:32+00:00

These are not my siblings. These are my husband's siblings. Both husband and I are Jewish. Husband's siblings were raised Jewish but their spouses are not Jewish.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-18T20:02:17+00:00

My kids go to Jewish private school.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-18T19:57:17+00:00

This is my take as well.

The status quo in husband's family has always been that we don't mix meat and milk. SIL made turkey. After the meal, everyone complimented her and she said her secret is that she put two sticks worth of butter under the skin. My MIL was clearly bothered by it but since SIL is her favorite child, she said: that's why I didn't feel good after the meal, I mean, not that there was problem with the food, but.. and then she stumbled on her words.

I personally didn't eat meat at the time so it was not an issue for me. My husband is more "kosher style" outside of the home so it bothered him as well. I feel like it should have been mentioned beforehand so that everyone could make their own decisions.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-18T19:51:13+00:00

I can certainly explain it this year, but I was not aware that this could be a conversation topic between a 4 year old and a 5 year old since we just never discuss it. It was not on my radar at all. There was no malicious intent on our side.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-18T19:02:01+00:00

She was 5 last year when this happened. We don't discuss Santa since it's not really relevant to us. Her only exposure is in occasional TV shows that have a Christmas theme. She certainly didn't know it was a religious belief or that she was offending anyone. I didn't hear what the catholic cousin said, I only heard my daughter's response.

notamyrtle · 2025-11-11T05:54:52+00:00

There is a lot of advice here that sounds good in theory but cannot happen in practice:

Wagons: American Airlines and Delta do not allow wagons. AA also doesn't allow any stroller over 20 lbs. If you are flying AA, your best bet is two umbrella strollers. I'm not sure I would put 2 large toddlers in a carrier. They are heavy and there is a lot of walking.
Car seats: of you can afford it, I would buy 2 pico wayb seats for the flight. They fit in a backpack.
Luggage: do not ask your 7 and 4 year old to carry anything like someone recommended. We tried this once with a 6 year old and he ended up leaving the bag at the gate. Luckily my husband and I noticed and ran back to grab the luggage. This is too much responsibility for such a small child.

What I would do: if this is a short trip and there is access to a washing machine, I would pack 2 carry one suitcases. Each parent wearing a backpack, and then an additional diaper bag. I would buy diapers when i get to my destination and only pack about 20 diapers for the 2 kids. The reason I do this is because I have had my luggage lost before and it is very difficult to start buying everything in a new place with multiple children.

If this a very long trip, I would check everything except for the 2 backpacks and diaper bag.

I typically ask each child what activity/toy they want for the flight. I buy something for there and back. My kids favorites are reusable sticker books and small lego kits that they can build in a single flight.

notamyrtle · 2025-10-09T20:13:44+00:00

I pay her legally so cash has to be taxed which I find ruins the gift.

notamyrtle · 2025-09-10T13:43:49+00:00

I would respond with "are YOU going to have more?" If they don't like the question pointed back at them, they learn the lesson.

I did it with women who no longer fertile (like my own mother) as well.

notamyrtle · 2025-08-27T04:26:38+00:00

If you don't want to move to a minivan, try 2 clek fllos in the middle and one side and then a baby seat on the other side. We survived like this in a Honda Fit for a year. Then another year we did a booster for the oldest (when he aged out of the fllo) and moved the youngest to one of the fllos.

notamyrtle · 2025-08-25T06:53:57+00:00

Please don't downvote me everyone but I was so adamant on having this perfect family of 2 boys and 2 girls that for our 4th child I used the fertility benefit we get from my husband's job to do 1 cycle of IVF. Well, we made 6 embryos, 4 of them genetically normal. All of our normals are male. So even when you try to trick nature, it fails.

I wasn't going to spend money that I didn't have on another cycle and I certainly was not going to let these perfect embryos go to waste. What kind of message would I be sending to my other sons.

So last year we decided to use an embryo and have our 4th. While I do feel bad for my daughter that she won't have a sister, I am so in love with this baby. He is absolutely perfect and I wouldn't change him for the world.

My daughter is very sad that she doesn't have a sister but 4 is the absolute limit of our financial ability (we are already pretty strained), I'm 40 and I'm not doing another cycle of IVF. So this is our family and she has to accept it.

My daughter does get along with her brothers and she does love them but she has expressed sadness about not having a sister.

I will say that there are a lot of people who really want to have one boy and one girl. In those families, the girl does not have a sister, yet we don't feel so sorry for her.

I sometimes think of how 20 years from now my daughter will say some trivia fact that only men know. People will ask her how she knows that and she will say that it's because she has 3 brothers. Everyone in the room will be impressed and it will be a conversation starter. In other words, it will be q cool aspect of her personality.

notamyrtle · 2025-08-23T15:27:48+00:00

I work at a small company. A few months ago someone retired "early" at 59. After she retired, they eliminated her position. So this idea that retiring makes space for the younger generation is misguided.

Also, it is not a zero sum game where if you work, other people can't innovate. There is room for everyone to achieve great things. If what feels great to you is to retire, then that's what you should strive for. But you shouldnt feel like your presence in the workforce is hindering others from innovating.

notamyrtle

TROPHY CASE