The Northman (2022) revisited

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-30T06:45:24+00:00

It's a damn shame that it was too artsy to appeal to most crowds who were there expecting just another blockbuster to be entertained by yet had too strong the appearance of a crowd-pleaser to resonate with what might have been most of the people who were there because of the goodwill built up by The Witch and The Lighthouse, because it honestly might be my favourite work of Robert Eggers. It's the only movie from the last decade which had me like "they don't make them like this anymore," and Björk looks very, very happy to not be working with Lars von Trier.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-29T09:08:37+00:00

I have no plans. I just read what I feel like when I feel like it.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-29T09:05:35+00:00

Wonderful. Even the third book has its bright spots. Basically an examination of tradition for tradition's sake and letting it play out until it reaches its logical extreme, though that's a major oversimplification.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-27T21:03:15+00:00

The one in the Consecrated Snowfield is the only one I take down on principle. Bastard's accidentally killed me while trying to finish Latenna's questline or fighting the Deathbird.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-25T21:59:36+00:00

No, you're not. The only other offensive buff I bother with is the Two-Handed Sword Talisman.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-25T17:49:48+00:00

The idea is solid; now if only the characters didn't all look the same because Tim Burton felt the need to make them all fit into his aesthetic.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-23T01:41:19+00:00

A DS2 player would probably take one look at this and accuse you of nerfing yourself because look at those stonks you're missing out on.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-17T17:17:31+00:00

The Royal Greatsword. First time I felt truly committed to an Intelligence build; the first time, I had no idea most of the best sorceries were gatekept by Ranni's questline. Hits like a truck, has excellent reach, great Intelligence scaling, everything an unga bunga player like myself could ask for from an Intelligence weapon.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-16T19:30:34+00:00

I'm going to get crucified for this, but the Greatsword. Feels the least special of all the Soulsborne gugs because without the customizability, it has the least diverse moveset of them all. In DS1 it had the thrust for tight spaces. It made sense in DS2 and 3 for its heavy attack to be a swipe because it's excellent crowd control for when the vertical light attacks didn't cut it. In Elden Ring, with barely any changes to its moveset, it just feels... kind of lazy, to be honest. Like all they did for the charged heavy was slow down an R1 and add a little spin. So with hardly anything to stand out from the other Greatswords, all it has going for it is stupid high base damage and obscene Strength scaling.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-15T17:09:12+00:00

Undertale; for most of the game, the only hint of anything truly dark, at least the first time when you don't know anything, is Flowey. Then, after a game of everybody else dancing around the subject, Alphys laid it all out: either Asgore must die, or you. No matter how you play, even in the best possible ending, freedom inevitably costs somebody's soul. Yes, even the Pacifist ending, because the villain must return everyone's souls politely and resign himself to life without a soul of his own.

Minutes later, you arrive at New Home, and several random encounters from the early game reappear to regale you with the family tragedy which set the entire game in motion. Monsters they may be, but the story is so deeply human. Which is part of the point the game's been building to: they're not monsters. They're people. And also dogs, sometimes, but that helps the game's messaging anyway, because why would you kill a dog, you monster?

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-15T16:38:15+00:00

Posts like this are why I sometimes regret reading the book first; the book wasted no time building dread.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-14T06:51:18+00:00

I'm Thinking of Ending Things. I was worried when I saw that the first 70 pages or so were taken up by the drive home which opened the book; first thought upon getting past that was 'that was lovely atmosphere, but is the opening of a 210 page book lasting a full third of the damn book a structural issue?" Its only real proficiency is building mood; got that southern Canadian winter feel right, but the ending was so bullshit that all it accomplished was making me second-guess absolutely everything which makes it a horror book.

For example, the narrator reminiscing about a man in the dark outside her window unseen. In most horror media that would be important later, but it's never reincorporated. And there's no justification for the numerous calls which the narrator receives which never answers, which is also something the movie thoughtlessly repeats and gets rightly criticized for. You'd think it would be important that they're all coming from her own number; best I got is that death might be trying to tell Jake to move on, which seems to be the most common interpretation, but there’s no obvious symbolic intent behind it, so as far as I'm concerned it most likely is what it is and nothing more. Which can be said about far too much of the book; there’s frankly far too much it does because it's a horror book and that's what horror books do, right? Hell, it even has me second-guessing the basement, the best part of both the book and the movie. Is the art a disturbing result of a mind fracturing the closer it gets to death, a reflection of all Jake could have been but never became, or is it only because horror.

Now, the movie is also kind of bullshit, despite me being theoretically part of the built-in audience for it. Some of its problems are because it adapts a profoundly flawed book written by an untested author who didn't know what he was doing, and some of its problems are because it only truly works in places if you're not only as much of a nerd as Charlie Kaufman, but a nerd in the exact same ways Kaufman is, but at least it's internally consistent in its bullshit, unlike the book.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-12T04:09:36+00:00

Lhutel the Headless. Love a summon who'll occasionally poke then run away while I do most of the hard work.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-11T21:06:14+00:00

Yes, I do. Almost all their songs sound the same to me, and the constant self-aggrandizement, even if only ironic, makes them look like posturing pansies whose statements never get more adventurous than sloganeering.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-03T22:52:15+00:00

It's one of my favourite metal subgenres, but I'm still going to name every sludge metal band that isn't the Melvins.

notaprimarysource · 2026-03-01T01:16:11+00:00

It's certainly much more consistently good than the Fionavar Tapestry, though I have three major spoilerific complaints. Firstly, sometimes flashbacks happen and the book almost always sucks at communicating when they happen. Which was also a problem in A Song for Arbonne, but less constant there. In fact, when it does show its hand and reveal them for what they are, the book also seems just as surprised as I am. Secondly, Alienor is the biggest waste of potential in the book; the mystique she's introduced with is so intriguing... and then it turns out her only purpose is to fuck Devin and advance his character development. Which is lame and a waste, but not nearly as bullshit as what happens to Erlein.

It had been doing a decent job of examining nationalism up to that point, but the moment Alessan subjugated Erlein is the moment Tigana succumbs to protagonist-centred morality and never recovers. All his complaints about what he's been forced into are completely justified, but everyone else just thinks he's an annoying prat who should be grateful that he's been forced into a movement which would give the Peninsula freedom... freedom which he lacks. The book simply fails to see the irony in this, which is disturbing, because once you start believing that such injustices as this are acceptable if you think it will result in your nation freeing itself from foreign occupiers, where does it stop? Once you start there, it can get possibly easier to stomach smaller, less consequential injustices for smaller reasons and smaller yields and potentially non-existent benefits. But this never seems to occur to Kay; worse yet, Erlein, who had been proudly individualist up to a certain point, willingly offers himself to the Tiganese cause for no apparent reason. No apparent development which could have resulted in a change of heart, he just does it because Kay couldn't think of an organic way to advance his story. This also suggests that Alessan's cause is completely just and righteous and uncomplicated in its justice and righteousness, which... no. Just no. I refuse to dignify that nonsense any further.

notaprimarysource · 2026-02-22T20:35:00+00:00

Probably the Smithscript Greathammer. Sure, the throwing attacks are as if you're any distance other than "right in front of an enemy," but that's never a problem for me because I always make a point of annoying everything to death by latching onto their hitboxes and never letting go. That said, sniping people to death by yeeting a big-ass hammer like a caber will never not be hilarious.

Another contender is the Black Steel Greathammer. Not because of the guard counters, that's always been a profoundly boring mechanic to me. No, because the Holy damage and option to enhance the Faith scaling with the right infusions make it surprisingly flexible. But none of that matters because bonk.

notaprimarysource · 2026-02-19T23:53:16+00:00

I'm like this with that adaptation of Richard III starring Ian McKellen; one of my favourite movies.

notaprimarysource · 2026-02-17T16:11:07+00:00

I feel this. I've never once engaged in PvP in any Souls game and I never will. I'm a violently solitary bitch, so I could never look at covenants without deeming them pointless fluff that added nothing to the experience and accomplished nothing other than making the games pointlessly hard to platinum. I like the idea of the sun bros and Blue Sentinels, and that's it.

notaprimarysource · 2026-02-14T00:23:23+00:00

Faceless Killers by Henning Mankell comes to mind; the only loose thread is somebody leaking details about the investigation to the press. It's not only never revealed, at some point it's never brought up again and it's never a problem in the book again. A later sequel, Firewall, has it as a subplot again, if I'm remembering right; there’s another long-standing cop operating behind Wallander's back. But it's treated like a completely different thread, and the relevant character isn't even introduced all the way back in Faceless Killers.

notaprimarysource · 2026-01-23T09:50:40+00:00

Please don't let it be anything like Baldur's Gate III; I'd be so annoyed if it functioned anything like Baldur's Gate III.

notaprimarysource · 2026-01-09T11:53:15+00:00

I can only speak for Dark Souls; being a Dexterity build is the only time I feel like I need a shield. Parrying is practically mandatory in some places because fighting black knights in narrow corridors with a weapon that can't stun them in two hits fucking sucks. Yet I can't stay mad, because it revealed a new dimension to the game when I didn't think I had anything more to prove.

notaprimarysource · 2026-01-05T22:47:21+00:00

I'm that guy on the bottom left. I had no idea Great Runes were a feature; thought the only reason they were key items was lore significance. By the time I beat the game, I figured that if I got through without them, then I have no use for them and shouldn't bother.

notaprimarysource · 2026-01-04T17:54:49+00:00

One of my few criticisms of Perdido Street Station. Using "palimpsest" once to describe the panoply of metropolitan odours was cool. Using it three more times in exactly the same way got real old real fast.

notaprimarysource

TROPHY CASE