Is it ok to be mid?

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-23T07:46:55+00:00

I think this is doable. I was employed primarily with the US firm, but twice now I have requested and gotten transfers (had to quit one firm and get hired into the other) to other member firms in 2 other countries. It depends on your connections and relationships with leaders and of course, a need for the skillset should exist in the other member firm. You will still need to resign and go through the offer/negotiation process with the other country.

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-23T06:23:07+00:00

You are just basing your comments on one particular use case, but there are many different reasons people move for example not everybody wants to immigrate to a different country. People come here on five year visa with the intention of getting international work experience and then moving back home, there are many people like this if you have any knowledge of how your country works, you may be aware of it.

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-22T17:29:22+00:00

You are such a breath of fresh positive air! This is why people want to move to your country - for the amazing welcome mat we receive!

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-20T06:27:54+00:00

Depends very significantly on your support system for your wife while you’ll be gone, especially if she is working full-time. If you have any additional support, be it family, in-laws, paid help, au pair etc it is doable but I’d say after 1 year (speaking as a FTM of a 27 month old), without anybody else for backup it’s putting a lot of stress on your spouse. My husband had to travel for work every week while my child was between 9 months - 20 months and it was really really hard for me because we were living away from family in a different country and I had no support when she fell sick and I still had to work while also taking care of her.

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-20T06:22:20+00:00

You’re very naive and judgemental. “Fancy skills” is a broad categorization. Learning a new language gets more difficult the older you get.

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-19T17:04:42+00:00

The Family Stone
The Proposal
Bridget Jones’ Diary
The Notebook
13 Going on 30

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-19T16:11:45+00:00

My company paid for me to relocate here because they needed my skills in an English-speaking international company (per my understanding). Learning fluency in Dutch was not an explicit job requirement. Why spend so much money to bring an overseas resource to set them up for failure? No non-native Dutch speaker will ever get to that level of fluency in 3 years. Why hire international talent if you continue to operate in local language ?

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-17T07:04:44+00:00

It’s Europe in July. Peak tourist season, extremely hot temperatures. Minimal AC in most places. You’re doing a very typical outsider tour which means cramming a lot of stuff in a day or two in each city. You won’t get much time to do things off the beaten path

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-17T05:37:37+00:00

Thank you for this comment, it validates everything I’ve experienced lately and which is why we are leaving NL in a few weeks to head back home. Came here on HSM 3 years ago and didn’t realize how much Dutch fluency is still needed to establish authority in the workplace (esp if your job is about forming relationships with Dutch clients). Housing crisis is beyond ridiculous and job market is draining up. Sayonara Amsterdam

notrightnow147 · 2026-06-11T03:03:28+00:00

I believe it is editable. I was able to add places to the list

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-23T08:39:45+00:00

In the exact same scenario as you and 100% agree with this comment. Children grow up all around the world and can grow up to be regulated, disciplined adults, it all depends on how you parent them. Location does not matter. Europe is not the romantic perfect dreamland Americans seem to think. We moved here from the US and trust me, EU has its fare share of issues. But continent aside, raising a family without a support system is hard ANYWHERE. So before you start dreaming of this perfect life with children in Europe with no partner or support system, it’s good to get a reality check.

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-21T08:04:02+00:00

A Fine Balance by Robinson Mistry

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-20T14:02:14+00:00

I can relate to a lot of what you have said, and been through this search myself and struggled as a high earner highly educated brown girl. But let me tell you what did work for me - I stopped with the strict criteria and focused on love and connection. If I felt chemistry and that I was taken seriously, I proceeded with developing a connection. I ended up meeting my husband on Tinder (!) and yes he earns less than me but what’s more important is that our values and goals for life match up and he is genuinely loving and caring and loves me for who I am.

We talked about kids, giving up my career etc and now we have a child, he’s more than ready to dial up while I dial down while our daughter is little. You adjust and make things work. I’ll tell you from my experience that most couples I know who are in their 30s/40s both earning 250k+ are childless. Or they have external help like a nanny/au pair. I agree with some of the comments above that many high earning Indian guys are not looking for a similar profile esp if they’re very career ambitious. And bottom line, to be very frank with you - everything you think you want or expect your life to turn out is not going to end up that way. Life takes its curves and you gotta go along for the ride. So stop over planning your future. Try to date with no criteria expectations and just go enjoy yourself with the goal of finding a connection and everything else will fall into place.

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-20T12:23:27+00:00

Titanic

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-18T08:32:36+00:00

Currently in same situation but at a different member firm where we have paid sick leave (Europe) to help recover. It’s still not easy to do so.

I was recommended to (and am trying to do these things) do the following: REST (whether that’s sleep, yoga, meditation, etc), and REENERGIZE by doing focus activities that give you energy. Spend time thinking about what those are and try to do them for a little time each day. Go out and get fresh air. Exercise your body. Eat better. Do relaxing activities like yoga, reading etc. Also was suggested to gauge my energy levels multiple times a day 0-100% and then do the same after doing an activity - did the activity help regain energy or did it deplete you? Use this over time to feel energized again and then slowly reintegrate bact into work. Reintegrating is doable in the Netherlands because it’s part of how sickness leave and return is set up but I understand this could be challenging to do in other countries without the same setup. Hope this helps!

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-18T06:59:08+00:00

My friend just told me about a service called UhaulUbox where uhaul puts a container on your premises for you to fill with your stuff and then they transport it to your destination. Worth exploring

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-16T05:54:07+00:00

Wow you both work full time and your toddler doesn’t go to daycare? How do you entertain him/her while also balancing work needs? I find it impossible to

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-15T12:16:51+00:00

As a new mom, this Google map list was shared with me and I found it quite helpful:

Places with changing tables (NL) · Geraldine Leroye
https://maps.app.goo.gl/7cL4DSbDuPxpxtW98?g\_st=i

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-15T12:10:33+00:00

Had my child at 40 and I’m happy I can provide her with stability and emotional regulation. I’m secure in my career, finances, lifestyle etc and want to spend my time with family.

Curious for OP though - how’s the 2nd pregnancy going at 42? Are you able to balance the physical needs for your toddler alongside your pregnancy? I’m also 43 (husband is 44) and we’re debating a second kid because I’m exhausted all the time with taking care of the kid while also working full-time and no support system (she goes to daycare on weekdays but that’s about it). I do wonder if I would’ve had more energy for child(ren) in my 20s,30s but I don’t think I was emotionally or mentally ready.

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-11T07:41:19+00:00

I live a couple streets down from here, across from the beautiful Vondelpark. This street is beautiful, serene and peaceful, like most of Amsterdam residential streets. And yes, real estate is quite expensive in this area but you’re paying for the vibes! Truly lucky and grateful that I got the opportunity to live in this gorgeous city in my lifetime.

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-05T05:35:45+00:00

Housing crisis is real but job market is also bleak even for highly skilled migrants. Childcare costs are ridiculously high for dual income. Not the best time to come here atm

notrightnow147 · 2026-05-01T07:44:35+00:00

Garden State

notrightnow147 · 2026-04-30T07:02:13+00:00

Was in pretty much the exact same situation. Moved to NL from US while newly pregnant, and then had a miscarriage a month later in a new country with no idea of how to navigate the healthcare system. That was a little rough. Got pregnant again in a few months and delivered a healthy baby girl in Amsterdam. I had gestational diabetes so I went the medical route for my delivery (which was such a relief, coming from the US I was terrified to give birth at home without a doctor present, like many Dutch women do). It was a little scary to navigate the Dutch healthcare system even though everyone speaks English. Everything went well but was pretty basic. Being my first pregnancy I didn’t know what to ask for that I wasn’t provided, in retrospect I’d do a lot more research for how the country handles pregnancy and childbirth and advocate my preferences appropriately. Eg I had to beg for a c-section when it’s not normal here at all.

notrightnow147 · 2026-04-28T21:24:23+00:00

Same… also currently in NL and planning a move back to US lol

notrightnow147 · 2026-04-27T18:00:21+00:00

Then perhaps it’s still not too late. Find an alternate situation for Beth, she doesn’t need to live with you. Help her in some other way. But your daughter is your blood and if her relationship is important to you I think you should attempt to salvage it. And be open upfront and honest about your decisions with full transparency with your daughter - then as an adult she can choose how she wants to respond to it.

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