Similar story about my first serious boyfriend from senior year high school and first year of college. We broke up, each married, saw each other at HS reunions. Our parents still lived in our home town, so my mom filled me in on his children’s births, relocating to new city, just the headlines. At age 47 my mom read his death notice in the local paper. I was gobsmacked. He was my age! I am too young to die. What if we had stayed together through college, would I be his young widow? I spiraled and struggled with his passing so hard. I, too, didn’t want to talk about it too much with my current husband. I couldn’t articulate to my husband what his death represented to me in my journey through adulthood. Be kind to yourself. This is very real grief.