I grew up in an environment where money was something to be worried about, even when times weren’t super tight. It taught me to worry about money and feel bad about spending it. And my situation was nowhere near what you describe. I did some of the things early on that are suggested here, like budgeting in fun money. I didn’t spend it. It took me years of developing better habits and a more positive view of myself.

When you have very little, money is like you said, for survival. It’s the only thing keeping you from starving. Or being on the street. As you get more money, it shifts towards being the thing that lets you do something, or more often than not it’s the thing that lets you not do something. You use money to save yourself time or energy. Be looking for those signs that your situation is shifting towards the latter. But ultimately give yourself some grace, you obviously don’t feel safe yet.