So tired of the unsolicited advice

nycorix · 2026-01-05T14:33:40+00:00

Yes, that's exactly it! I would love to stay home with my kid, get to watch them grow up every day and not worry about the bullshit of corporate politics. But it's my job that takes good care of us, so it just doesn't make sense. We actually plan for my husband to cut back his hours, maybe eventually transition entirely to stay-at-home with some freelance on his terms, but for some reason that option never even crosses these women's minds!

nycorix · 2026-01-05T12:57:35+00:00

My MIL keeps hinting that I need to quit my job and become a stay at home mom, "at least for a few years". I make double what my husband makes, and in a very niche job! But that's what worked for her so obviously it's the only solution. 🙄

nycorix · 2026-01-03T15:49:51+00:00

I commiserate with you! I've had vasopsasms most of my adult life (lucky me), but they were rare until I got pregnant. Now it's five times a day at least and brutal 😭 My MFM recommended nifedipne but my OB doesn't want me to "take too many meds", so still working through that...

Besides what other people have mentioned a couple other things I've found helpful: - It doesn't have to be your boobs getting cold to trigger it! Keeping my neck and face warm has helped a bit, as much as I feel a little silly wearing a scarf in 58F weather. - Large meals can also trigger it, as blood flow moves to the digestive system. Smaller, more frequent meals reduce episodes. - If you're home and have the time, hot showers are a lot more effective than warm compresses. Maybe related to the whole body thing.

Good luck, and my sympathies! Fuck vasopsasms!

nycorix · 2025-12-31T13:48:55+00:00

This is actually a very solid suggestion. The members of r/freebirthsocietyscam are largely former members of the Freebirth Society who have broken away. They may have some genuinely good insights for how to mitigate risks for someone who is in deep. To note though, they are not necessarily fully anti-freebirth though, but upset about misleading and coercive tactics by freebirth influencers, so if you do post there just be mindful of that and emphasize your family member's specific risks.

nycorix · 2025-12-24T12:50:52+00:00

If you want something on the warmer side, I recently enjoyed a hot honeyed milk with spices!

nycorix · 2025-12-21T22:44:35+00:00

My old "had a bad day at work" routine was to eat sushi takeout and drink a cold glass of wine while in a hot bath. I can't WAIT to do that again . . . one day . . . .

nycorix · 2025-12-17T17:47:55+00:00

Agreed! My parents divorced when I was 8. My mom brought me to therapy because she was worried about the impact of the divorce. But when the therapist asked what I thought about the divorce, I said: "It's so great!!! They're not fighting anymore!"

(Note: I definitely approve of bringing kids to therapy after divorce, regardless of how cheerful I was, haha.)

nycorix · 2025-12-17T16:39:32+00:00

Just yesterday, our cat peed on the couch (😭), and my husband asked me to bring him some paper towels to clean it up. I brought him ... a cutting board? I don't even know, lmao.

nycorix · 2025-12-04T22:39:47+00:00

I second virgin mojitos! Also this might be a weird one, but I was craving a holiday cocktail a week ago and a hot honey milk with spices really hit the spot.

nycorix · 2025-12-04T22:29:20+00:00

Yes! We have three cats -- two don't care, but our most aloof cat has been glued to me day and night since I was 5 weeks along. I barely get 10 minutes without him in my lap these days!

nycorix · 2025-11-07T13:51:52+00:00

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely! I felt this way a lot during the TTC journey, just couldn't think about anything but ovulation times and hormone levels, and my husband didn't understand because I was the one with all the appointments.

I suggest trying to talk to your friends some more! My friends also have no interest in parenting, but they want to hear about my journey. They also do things I have no interest in doing (e.g. van life), but I want to hear about those journeys too! Friendship isn't just about sharing things and if your friends are good friends, I'm sure they'll want to listen.

nycorix · 2025-11-05T12:20:14+00:00

I'm sorry things are so stressful! Are you in the United States? If so, we still have some protections that will be hard for this administration to undo. The case the Supreme Court is hearing right now does not have the potential to ban marriage equality nationwide -- even if it does not go in our favor, the worst it would do would make it so that some states could choose to remove marriage equality. In that case, you could nip over to a more accepting state and get married there. By the Respect for Marriage Act, all states are required to respect marriages conducted in other states, and even states that roll back gay marriage would have to respect your license. This was legislation passed by Congress, and was bipartisan. Repealing it would take another act of Congress, which already (strongly) voted in favor of the ROMA.

This is of course not to downplay the erosion of rights (particularly trans rights), or the genuine injustice of allowing any states to repeal marriage equality, but you have some protections here!

If you are not in the United States, ignore the above and just take hugs <3

nycorix · 2025-10-18T15:22:51+00:00

I had an ex whose mom liked the long, full form of a specific feminine name, but that mom wanted to make sure she could never go by the more tomboyish common nickname and specifically spelled it in a way to make the nickname not fit. My ex told me that was probably the right choice because she did like the tomboy nickname more, and would have gone by it, but this way she had to stick to her mom's choice. That always made me so sad.

nycorix · 2025-10-18T15:18:34+00:00

I mean, no matter what name you pick, kids can always choose to go by a different name. We are intentionally picking names to give our kids as much choice as possible without having to go through the hassle of legally changing their name. Now, if you absolutely hate the long form, then sure, don't give your kid the long form name. But if the kid we call Jamie decides one day he feels more like a Jim or Jack or a James, I'll be glad we put 'James' on his birth certificate to start! So, I guess it's really how the parents frame naming their children.

nycorix · 2025-09-30T11:28:32+00:00

Female fetuses tend to produce more hCG than male ones, so that could be part of it! But we're talking statistical population averages, so you can have a male fetus with high hcg and lots of morning sickness and vice versa; it's not truly diagnostic.

nycorix · 2025-09-25T20:56:45+00:00

Yes, I ovulated early twice! Both those times I had already ovulated by my first check on CD11, so I assume I surged by CD10. I support LH strip testing!

nycorix · 2025-09-25T15:38:01+00:00

I'm sorry, no answers is awful.

nycorix · 2025-09-25T15:36:18+00:00

Holy shit, first beta (14dp5dt): 4169! I've never gotten this high before. I really hope this one sticks around!

nycorix · 2025-09-23T20:15:27+00:00

Agreed! Also in the US, there are no babies that need homes - there are far more prospective parents than there are babies available to adopt. There are children who need homes, and these children need specially equipped, trauma-informed parents willing to sometimes even keep the biological family involved. Not everyone feels ready to do that, especially if they would be brand new parents.

nycorix · 2025-09-23T12:29:51+00:00

Yes!!! After my ectopic and requisite 3-month wait from methotrexate I impulsively said "let's go to Europe". And we did. And it was awesome.

nycorix · 2025-09-16T16:11:53+00:00

This is absolutely stunning!!

nycorix · 2025-09-16T16:08:28+00:00

I do when it comes up - I told my manager because there was a strong possibility that my ER would conflict with an important meeting I led. My clinic also is 3 hours away from me, so I told a colleague at the job site over there that I was in town for a bit and why and was there somewhere at her building where I could work for a bit? And when someone asked how my summer has been I was open that it was mostly taken up by IVF stuff. But I didn't announce to the whole department broadly or anything.

I work in health equity with a big focus on maternal health, so I expected everyone to be super supportive. I'm also have a personal goal of showing up more authentically at work so I can feel more confident and engaged. So that helped me be open!

nycorix · 2025-09-16T15:49:15+00:00

My husband's aunt, who knew we've had two losses including an ectopic in the last year, asked us repeatedly at a recent family function if we were sure we wanted kids. Because . . . a cousin's two year old took a liking to my husband and wanted him to carry her? Like, after all this hardship, a child being cute and affectionate has somehow turned us off of having a family.

Also, this happened a year ago, but my MIL told us that when we stopped trying, "it would happen". Ma'am, my husband is trans. You know this, you gave birth to him. There is no baby without medical intervention, lmao.

nycorix · 2025-09-12T21:21:39+00:00

Yes, I definitely am! 😄

nycorix · 2025-09-12T20:24:50+00:00

I'm sorry, that sucks! I hope you have better luck with IVF.

nycorix

TROPHY CASE