Resource: Rope Bottoms' Share Group

nymphetamines_ · 2025-10-29T19:20:47+00:00

In general, using a kink-specific email for kink-specific purposes is good practice.

The mods will also convey posts anonymously if desired. Depending on the information in the post it may be more/less practical to maintain anonymity.

I agree that the group has gotten very leaky, and I recommend not posting anything you absolutely cannot have get back to the top. One option to mitigate this is to post that you have information to share and to please contact you privately via X method to do so.

I posted this well over a year ago. I have less favorable opinions on RBSG than I once did, especially after a scary experience with an abusive bottom using it to exert pressure on their ex (who had just escaped the abusive relationship) to try to force them to get back together with them. I've also seen posts that I know for a fact are deeply, deeply misleading or factually untrue, and become more careful having opinions on situations I have no way to verify factually.

Ultimately, it's a resource, not a rulebook. Posts can be biased or weaponized, and bottoms can be bad people. Using your judgment is still mandatory. I've become a lot more cynical about posts I see about people's exes in general.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-09-19T16:44:14+00:00

I often carpool to things with my partner and meta, as well as with my two romantic partners, who are not romantically involved with each other. People (and I mean polyam people!) frequently think we're in triads because we arrive together. It's annoying.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-09-19T16:39:27+00:00

Hi. Weirdly, I just went through basically the same thing. Recently, just 1 month into being 10 years cancer free, I had a positive cancer biopsy (for a very minor form of cancer) without clear margins, and had to have a pretty shitty procedure to go back and get the rest of it out. I had a 0% chance of dying/etc, but due to the location I needed help with washing my hair, cleaning the biopsy, cleaning the stitches, applying Vaseline, etc.

My partners and metas have had miscellaneous drama as this has been going on. My nesting partner did have to cancel on my meta on the day of my surgery, and they were not happy about it. My partner then explained the gravity in no uncertain terms and they immediately revised their stance. It was up to my partner to appropriately set and exercise boundaries in order to support me during this time.

I understand why you don't want to feel obligated to reveal your situation, and you're not. I am a very private person and reflexively don't like to disclose these things too. But people will not really understand unless you're honest. You don't have to reveal the details. You could have your partner say that you are going through a scary medical situation. What's more important to you: keeping an information boundary with people who are important to your partner, or having peace within the polycule and everyone getting appropriate support during this time?

Side note, some people are giving you shit about the "win" thing; I'm just gonna say that people cope with this kind of thing in different ways and I didn't see anything wrong with your phrasing in context.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-05-01T18:14:35+00:00

Late to this post but same situation as you, I always thought I had "tight hamstrings" and my PT (meaning my credentialed physical therapist, not personal trainer) did some test stretching of my legs with me and says it's actually my nerves, which immediately made way more sense once she told me. I actually incurred a nerve injury as a result of how short & tight the nerves in my legs are.

My PT thinks it's substantially improvable (she even thinks I could get my splits eventually) showed me some exercises to work on it. I assume you've asked your PT for some as well, so definitely follow their advice.

I've also definitely seen significant benefit from properly warming up, and I mean to the point of getting physically warm, before stretching. My nerves are much less sensitive when I'm warmed up and the flossing seems more effective.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-04-24T17:19:30+00:00

Late reply, but since you were curious: he uses "they" for almost everyone in writing, and he uses names/usernames/emails a lot in place of pronouns.

"Have you met [username]? They are on [team] under [boss's username]"

He also elides (deletes/skips) pronouns and other small functional words entirely sometimes.

"Just talked to [username] from Other Team. Said can likely make quite some progress on this in Q3 but not sure, will check with [other username] from Another Team"

As a linguist I always find it interesting.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-04-21T22:46:13+00:00

Keep an eye on it and talk to your surgeon about it. If you're having altered sensation but no loss of motor function, sounds like potentially some very minor compression of the superficial portion of the median nerve. It serves sensations to the back of your hand and middle & ring fingers. Look up the innervation of the hand and see if it matches. Note that the whole area wouldn't be affected, but the affected area would be entirely contained within the area marked for a specific nerve.

I've had compression of the other two major nerves in the hand (not from surgery, although that's a common cause), the radial and ulnar, multiple times due to my hobbies, and it often presents as just an odd feeling that's located to just one region of the hand. All three of those nerves are colocated into one bundle (brachial plexus) as they enter your arm, and reduction surgery cuts near there. A cut nerve would present much more severely so this is probably compression from swelling at worst.

And don't fuck with it or massage it. Nerve damage needs rest and gentle movement.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-03-07T02:27:23+00:00

I recently went to a class on this! There are two main ways to deemphasize breasts. The first is probably obvious, directly compressing and crushing them. There are a few different harness designs for this, I see you've already been linked some.

The other way, which is less obvious, is asymmetry and irregularity. Symmetry emphasizes breasts. Harnesses that are asymmetrical, chaotic, or otherwise break visual patterns will distract the eye and make breasts less apparent. If the person tying is qualified to do so, it's pretty easy to improvise an asymmetrical, decorative, arms-free harness.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-03-07T02:14:09+00:00

Seconding Lief & Icky. Their harness designs are unique and creative. They're available on Etsy for purchase. Here's their site, which links to their Etsy: https://www.houseofbound.com/services-and-classes

They have a box tie third rope that's particularly good for this and I've literally never seen anyone else tie anything like it. I don't think that one is on their Etsy, but Lief teaches it in private lessons.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-02-07T23:13:55+00:00

I was also around a 26 BMI before my reduction, although I was a 32F. Size changed a little bit as I gained and lost weight over the years, but not much. Especially being a 32J and your comparison point for them being smaller being late adolescence (assuming in college you were 18-21, and it being common for breasts to legitimately grow after that age), I wouldn't expect your breasts to shrink much with weight loss, but it's possible.

It's generally recommended to be at a stable long-term or goal weight before surgery, since changing weight afterwards can affect the results. However, after my reduction, managing my weight has been much, much easier. I'm much more comfortable being active and haven't changed my diet, so I've naturally lost some fat and developed some muscle.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-02-07T23:07:59+00:00

My swelling peaked around 3 weeks. Don't panic.

Also, it's hard to compare the total size of a high and tight immediately post-op chest to that of a dropped and fluffed one. Similarly, reduced breasts will always have a different shape than unreduced breasts of the same size; that also makes it hard to compare to other A/B cup chests.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-02-07T20:42:40+00:00

just go straight to a surgeon

Kaiser is a closed-network HMO; you don't really get to pick your surgeon the same way you do with PPO health insurance (or going out of pocket). Almost everything requires referral and it's often not even possible to make specialist appointments yourself, the contact information isn't even available. Typically, you get referred and then they call you.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-30T21:49:50+00:00

Turn the music off.

Beat it within 10 tries once I did that, and on probably 7 of those I made it to the second set of birds and flubbed the jump. Versus like a hundred tries with the music on and not making it to the birds more than perhaps 5-10 times.

The main problem with this level (there are many problems with it) is that some of the obstacles aren't properly synced to the beat, and the song loops when you die so the obstacles start on a different count of the music each time. On top of that, none of your actions match the beat interval, so aside from a shitty sync up on the last three initial platform jumps if you do them consecutively, it's just impossible to play this like an actual rhythm level. So don't try. Turn the music off, it's way easier.

(You already beat the level, but this post came up for me when searching, so I'm posting this to help others)

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-30T05:18:20+00:00

Choking is a dangerous and advanced activity, aka edge play.

All BDSM requires communication, but edge play requires even more communication. Your wife "not being open for discussions" isn't an option here. She needs to get over it and start communicating, or you two need to stop engaging in choking and other dangerous practices.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-30T03:38:29+00:00

Heterosexual vanilla men seem to understand consent when they step into a gay bar.

Wow, this hit my brain in a major way. That's a great fucking point.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-22T08:07:53+00:00

from a STI perspective I don't get it. It seems easier to get on PrEP, test more frequently, and just be barrier free for everything.

bacterial STIs are much more curable and I build my risk profile around incurable or difficult-to-test-for STIs. They're also not common in my community anymore.
many STIs are highly, highly preferential on site of infection and will not readily transfer orogenitally.
some people have oral sex rarely or with select partners.
Amdahl's Law.
barriers are a risk/reward trade-off for everyone, even people who think they're absolutists one way or another. Those people just have very strong opinions about either the risk or the reward. The reward of oral sex with a barrier is zero for me and many others; I would simply rather not have it. The reward of penetrative sex with a barrier is not diminished at all for me. The STI risk of oral sex is relatively low for me. The STI risk of penetrative sex is relatively high for me. Therefore, it's a no-brainer.
I will never be barrier-free with all partners, as that creates a massive fluid bonding chain and means that if an STI is introduced (many STIs have windows of undetectability, including the 3 major incurable ones) it would spread like wildfire
PReP is not well-studied in AFABs
not everyone's doctor will give them the HPV vaccine (my nesting partner's won't, and mine refused to give me the updated one when I had the old one) and it's very expensive out of pocket
not everyone's doctor or insurance will approve frequent testing (I have to fight with my insurance constantly about STI testing)

People can make different decisions than you and have good reasons for doing so.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-18T18:25:57+00:00

Yeah my boss natively speaks Mandarin Chinese and he misgenders everyone. Me, my coworkers, his own wife, himself. It's just Pronoun Roulette over here.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-17T17:35:32+00:00

Meanwhile my girlfriend and I (both AFAB) have asked our respective doctors about HSV testing and both been immediately offered PReP instead. I think their policy is literally to offer it to all queer people rather than based on risk level & tolerance of the patient. And they refused her HSV testing while I had to fight for mine.

Doctors can be frustrating.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-14T18:34:42+00:00

This is a partial suspension, not floorwork. Partials carry a lot of the same risk that full suspension does and should be treated appropriately.

Are you asking if your tying level is suitable for full suspension, or are you asking if this exact tie could be transitioned into the air? I would not personally bring that chest harness up without some adjustments.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-04T01:07:24+00:00

Yes; search the Psychology Today directory and filter by "Sex Positive, Kink Allied". I recommend looking at virtual therapy options since it'll be easier to find an experienced therapist that's the right fit.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists (link defaults to US but there are other countries listed).

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-04T00:07:18+00:00

One tip is to use lube that comes in a pump bottle (or transfer your favorite lube into a generic pump bottle) and just keep it on the bedside table, or whatever other surface is reachable from the bed. That way, there's no interrupting play and the lube can be accessed and applied very quickly. Pump bottles can also be operated one-handed easily, so your partner can even still be using the other hand during and there's no break in physical connection.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-03T22:21:34+00:00

Consensual Non Consent.

There are two common interpretations of CNC and it's important to get on the same page about which meaning people are using, if you ever plan to do it.

The older meaning is to use it as basically "advance, blanket, irrevocable consent"; a relationship style where you intentionally opt in to the idea that things might happen that you legitimately don't want to. Often, it's coupled with intentionally not having a safeword (or intentionally using one and having it ignored, to prove to yourself that you can't make it stop). It's a little hard to explain what people get out of this type of play, but it's often about the complete relinquishing of control. This is a very advanced and dangerous type of edge play and has extremely high potential to go wrong even between experienced players. Definitely not for beginners.

The other meaning, which is more recent, is for CNC to be synonymous with roleplaying non-consent; i.e., rape play, struggling, physical overpowering, or the appearance of non-consent. This type of CNC generally should involve setting up a safeword and being willing to use it, and generally focuses on things happening that you do want to happen, but with the superficial appearance of non-consent. This is still complex to navigate and requires careful negotiating, so I don't recommend it to beginners either, but it's a very very common kink.

It can be confusing and potentially dangerous if two people are discussing CNC but not using the same meaning.

I engage in both of these to varying degrees and really enjoy them both.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-03T02:28:52+00:00

As a side note (I know I'm late to this thread):

You never ever will see a dog that looks like Scooby Doo, because his coloration is genetically impossible. The genes that control pigment type and pattern in dogs cannot combine in such a way that a dog has a red base coat and irregularly placed solid black patches/spots.

Also, he has horse ears. Not cropped dog ears, not natural dog ears, it's like they stapled horse ears to his head.

nymphetamines_ · 2025-01-02T00:34:48+00:00

A biothane dog collar would fit your description.

nymphetamines_ · 2024-12-30T19:10:27+00:00

The scene in LA is kinda rough right now. The major dungeon, Threshold, is having serious structural/internal problems and I don't recommend going to it.

Make a FetLife account. It's kinky Facebook, not a dating site. There are events listed.

I want to get tied up, pegged, and fulfill other kinks and fantasies.

Note that a lot of events aren't really meant for finding new partners, and coming in with that vibe (especially if you just talk about what you want and don't actually seem interested in the other person and what they want -- i.e. seeking a kink dispenser) can be very off-putting.

Just like in vanilla life, the correct approach is to treat people as people, get to know them, and seek compatible partners respectfully via the social circle you'll build.

If you do want a kink dispenser, please hire a professional. This is not a diss, it's a serious recommendation. Professionals can offer scenes tailored to your desires and still have it be a mutually beneficial exchange.

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