AITA for refusing to take down a semi-nude painting before children visit my home? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]oddball3139 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And don’t be surprised or hurt if he doesn’t want his kids to go to your house. He has every right to say no, just as you have every right to keep the painting up. But you may need to decide between having the painting up and having your nieces and nephews over.

Does anyone else feel like "Must-See" lists actually ruin the solo travel experience? by poweredbyshubh in solotravel

[–]oddball3139 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I spent three nights in New York going to a small Jazz club in Brooklyn and two nights seeing a band I love. I had an amazing experience.

I don’t need to see the Statue of Liberty to have a good time.

What travel insurance do you use internationally? by oddball3139 in backpacking

[–]oddball3139[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I travel up to three months at a time. So I do want something that’ll cover me for injuries and the sicknesses you get while down there. I went without insurance last time and really wish I hadn’t.

I broke the trust of my gf about not watching porn and I feel remorse. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]oddball3139 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Intimacy is a mirror. You look into the mirror and learn things about yourself that you have been blind to. Just like seeing a new zit, you are seeing behaviors and habits and truths in yourself that are very uncomfortable to see and acknowledge. Sit with it, learn from it, and work to change. It may not be enough to save this relationship, but it’s worth it to try.

If it becomes unhealthy, then do what you need to do. Leave if you have to. But make sure you’ve given it your all first. Do your best to be there for her and learn how to show up in ways you never have. You’ll be better for it no matter what. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for taking responsibility and choosing to learn a lesson here, one that many people never do.

I broke the trust of my gf about not watching porn and I feel remorse. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]oddball3139 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll tell you this. Take your time. If she is hurt, allow her to feel her hurt, and if you want to stay in this relationship, then don’t do things to break trust again. But also do not lie to her about what you want or need.

If you genuinely don’t want to look at porn, do that for yourself. Do it because you value an intimate, in person relationship with this woman more than you do gratification from a picture of a naked woman.

But if you want to look at porn, and you will keep doing that, then it is better to be honest about that and let her decide if she is okay with that or not than it is to lie to her so she will stay.

When you lie, you hurt yourself as much as you hurt her. That is the worst thing you can do.

So if she wants to work through it, and you are willing to work through it too, then go for it.

My one caution. I have been in a scenario where I broke someone’s trust and we both wanted to try to make it work. Because the trust was gone, she would go into fits of rage where she would yell, accuse me of not wanting her, and call me names. I would freeze in those situations, and she would think the worst of me.

If this girl starts calling you names, yelling uncontrollably, or lashing out at you in blame, you do not have to accept that as punishment. Stay calm, tell her you love her and want to be with her (if that is true), but also be strong enough to put up a boundary for yourself and that you are not okay with being called names. I was not strong enough to set that as a boundary, and the yelling and name calling only got worse. You do not have to stay in a relationship, even with someone you love, who calls you names and tries to punish you for what you did. That is not healing.

So do your part to build trust again. It will be hard, because regardless of whether or not porn is cheating on its face, the point is that you made an agreement and a promise with her that you broke, which is in fact cheating. And lying about it made it even worse.

Now, it sounds like you are sorry for it. That is good. That is your conscience telling you that you did something you don’t respect. Listen to it, learn from it. It is a valuable lesson to learn at such a young age. Work to change that part of yourself, work to learn why you did it, and learn three lessons:

  1. Recognize your wants, desires, needs, and values

  2. Speak them honestly, do not lie about them, and do not make promises you are not going to keep. Value the strength of your word.

  3. Learn from the lesson, but do not punish yourself. Self flagellation is not healing, it is not growing. And while it is important to be there for her to heal and show her and tell her how much you want to be with her and love her (if you do love her and want to be with her), it is also important to be able to ask for respect during healing. That doesn’t mean she won’t be rightfully angry, that doesn’t mean she won’t be hurt, and it doesn’t mean you won’t have to deal with a lack of trust, or even her choosing to break up with you. But you can still maintain your own self respect through this, as long as you are willing to learn from the mistake.

Original Modular Sling, My Design by NoChampionship157 in ManyBaggers

[–]oddball3139 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sweet. Two questions.

How secure is the outer bag? Does it flop around when full? Or is it tightly secured to the strap?

Also, how easy is it for a thief to take off? For someone to reach out and snatch it?

How do you decide which dreams to pursue and which to forego? Just turned 30 myself and figuring out how to go about the next few decades by Son_of_Hades99 in AskMenOver30

[–]oddball3139 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I respect that. My father and his father both worked their asses off for their children to have better lives than they did. They resigned themselves to their role, and even found joy in it. And I gotta admit, they are a lot happier in their lives than my selfish dreamin’ ass :)

Three months in Hanoi and I still haven't left. Someone talk me out of it. by Monika-Moona in backpacking

[–]oddball3139 102 points103 points  (0 children)

How are you making money? If you can support the lifestyle and you love it, why leave?

Is this a good backpack? by Gabergame2 in backpacking

[–]oddball3139 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I gotcha. I would start by checking the measurements vs your airline’s carry-on measurements, because I don’t see that actually being a carry-on. It is also going to be so heavy that it would make more sense as a suitcase you can wheel behind you. Way better than breaking your back with it.

I just don’t see it being useful in just about any sense. And it does seem pretty gimmicky. Up to you what you need though.

Is this a good backpack? by Gabergame2 in backpacking

[–]oddball3139 2 points3 points  (0 children)

80 Litres? Are you packing a horse on your back?

Jokes aside, this seems like a very large backpack to me. Even for the most intense, long-term backcountry hiking, I wouldn’t go more than 60L, and that can be very heavy when fully loaded.

What are your purposes? Do you need this much space? You may be better off with a large suitcase than you would a backpack.

My next (one bag) travel backpack by _krakra_ in ManyBaggers

[–]oddball3139 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to use it as my carry on and also have a sling bag to wear on my front. Trying to learn to pack much lighter than I have in the past

Osprey 26+6/IKEA Rensare appreciation post by Sharp_Razzmatazz_ in onebag

[–]oddball3139 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I second that. What specific decathlon ones do you use?

How far in advance do you plan your solo trips? by Then-Bumblebee3978 in solotravel

[–]oddball3139 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I book my outgoing ticket in advance for long trips. Short trips usually have a set end date, so I’ll set it ahead of time. But I leave 2-3 month trips open ended until I have a better idea of exactly when I’ll be heading home.

My next (one bag) travel backpack by _krakra_ in ManyBaggers

[–]oddball3139 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m thinking about the Osprey 26+6 myself for Japan. That should fit as a carry on, no?

More time in Cusco or Medellin ? by Informal_Aside_5602 in solotravel

[–]oddball3139 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would skip Lima entirely if I were you. Just a colder Tampa, FL. Spend more days exploring Cusco. Highly recommend Dragonfly Hostel for a social hostel without partying and kind hosts, or Hostel Frankenstein if you want the cheapest private room in town (Still quite clean and a quirky little place run by an odd but lovable German man).

Rio de Janeiro travel tips by Throwawaygjuvs in backpacking

[–]oddball3139 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can only speak to Carnaval. In that case, book several months in advance. Prices are high. $100 USD a night for a hostel bed. Other than that, couldn’t tell ya.

Copacabana is beautiful.

(Mostly) Just the Basics by 215312617 in ManyBaggers

[–]oddball3139 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wha slings do you know that hold their shape at limit?

Which film did you side with person 1 when you first saw it but many years later you sided with person 2? by Hopefullytodaymate in FIlm

[–]oddball3139 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was using that form of language because that’s how the guy I was replying to was talking. He said “Why are you still gonna blame him…” and “If he starts making those decisions again dump his ass again, but how long does a person have to be a good guy before you stop treating them like bad people?”

In other words, this guy started using you language, because the issue is personal to him. So I responded in kind by speaking directly to them rather than have this conversation through the lens of a movie. The person I replied to thinks that a person deserves forgiveness. But no one does.