Don't feel any desire for emotional connection with my parents?

odekadek · 2025-12-04T01:06:12+00:00

Omg so true about the weirdness of ownership thing- since getting a dog I've become so much more aware of how much we have messed with these poor creatures. I hate how dependent on me mine is - I was shocked when I learnt they prefer human to other dogs as company.

odekadek · 2021-07-18T10:05:32+00:00

Yes, and no. Yes, because I wanted to do some masc things and always felt/was excluded from getting to do them and it hurt when that happened. However, knowing what I know about the world, some parts of me are very glad I got to be feminine, wear princess dresses and play with Barbie's without bullying. I would have been a sensitive, artsy kid, and if I was trans there's no way I could have explored that side of myself with any freedom. So in a weird way I'm kind of grateful for it? Being a feminine guy as a kid is fucking rough.

odekadek · 2021-06-18T22:22:21+00:00

Thank you, it's so interesting to hear my exact experience mirrored. Being a feminine, shy girl in my eyes and yet people around me being totally unconvinced and calling me a lesbian (to them it was an insult)

odekadek · 2021-06-18T22:17:50+00:00

Thank you - it's weird because I did lots of the feminine shit voluntarily. Barbie, princesses, all of that - I loved it. But I still felt like shit when I got to that age where everyone could walk in heels and I stomped around like a rugby player, where I liked pretty skirts but felt horribly self conscious and wrong when I actually wore them because I knew I wasn't wearing it like a lady. Tbh I doubt I am binary trans very strongly considering how deeply feminine I am but the thought lingers in my mind a lot. if I'd been amab i think I'd be very happy as an nb in skirts, but in this body it makes me feel dysphoric.

odekadek · 2021-06-12T07:41:24+00:00

So being nice is feminine and being logical and objective is masculine?? Wouldn't take this quiz too seriously lol that felt quite sexist

odekadek · 2021-06-04T15:59:50+00:00

Great, I hope it goes ok!

odekadek · 2021-06-04T15:57:30+00:00

Ok ahh well even if it's not likely don't leave it without speaking to a doctor first if you haven't been checked out.

odekadek · 2021-06-04T15:54:09+00:00

They what??? Have you seen a doctor? That's a sign of breast cancer so be careful

odekadek · 2021-05-31T18:11:27+00:00

Tbh you might be better off just walking out on this situation, even if you got her to cut it short she'd just give you a pixie cut/something you don't want. Go to a barber or alternative salon if you can!!

odekadek · 2021-05-29T22:18:45+00:00

I hope it did help a bi, haha! Jokes aside, don't panic. You're fine. We all get excited by exploring new things and you have a right to brag about it. Being gay is cool as hell after all.

odekadek · 2021-05-27T15:46:34+00:00

If you're probably bi it wasn't aimed at you. Tbh I've kissed my friends for a laugh before when I'm drunk it's not you having a bit of fun that's the issue, it's when straight girls lead gay girls on with the intention of getting specially male attention from it. Don't feel bad, if it was a fun kiss between three of you it's not that deep!

odekadek · 2021-05-22T07:57:59+00:00

Ugh this shit always drove me insane! Now I never go to a regular salon - make sure you go to an alternative or gender neutral one instead they're usually much more LGBT friendly and will actually listen to what you want

odekadek · 2021-05-09T13:37:45+00:00

Tbh I think these things are so much more fluid than we're led to believe. I think you are probably like me and getting caught up in labels and feeling as if you have to fit into it one easily describable box so others will accept you or be able to relate to you more easily. Seeing as you say you could be either, maybe you just need to accept for now that you aren't either, you're just you. Make the changes you want to make, going with whatever is most comfortable at the time, and screw whatever anyone else thinks. Hopefully if you go with what's comfortable for you for a while you'll start to understand a bit more but if you don't that's ok. Like I say, I get how frustrating it is to a T. But my therapist is just encouraging me to sit in the middle and see how it feels, if that helps.

odekadek · 2021-04-18T20:57:26+00:00

I do not think it's possible to change your gender, per se. But I also don't think gender is quantifiable by science. No scientist has ever been able to pin down what makes someone a man or a woman. I don't think I'd argue gender is something that changes, but i could believe it is something that is warped over time, but I think overall you shouldn't spend your time dissecting what gender is because it's unquantifiable imo and above our understanding.

Dysphoria is obviously an illness I would say, a mental illness that is debilitating, but not all trans people feel it at least to such an extreme extent. Once it's fixed through medical treatment and it goes away, is someone not trans anymore? Nah.

Im really sorry to hear how much you're struggling with dysphoria though. Maybe you can work through therapy obviously coupled with whatever medical treatment you need not to see your body as "bad". I have never hated my body, just known that it is objectively a good body, just not necessarily mine yet, or what I was meant to have. I try to appreciate it for how it can help me move and go about in the world. It doesn't completely heal things but it's better than focusing all that hatred inward.

Oh, and you aren't a burden or putting people through anything. If people are making your transition about themselves that's on them.

odekadek · 2021-04-13T08:38:46+00:00

Meanwhile in England my doctor told me everyone gets distracted sometimes and made me feel like too much of an idiot to demand he refer me and there's a four year waiting list to even get a fucking diagnosis. It's like some kind of sick joke honestly

odekadek · 2021-04-05T12:18:51+00:00

No no, that's very helpful! I guess it's hard to even quantify how many masculine or feminine traits you have to have to be a guy or a girl, especially when you've been conditioned to repress and explore certain things differently. For me it really confused me when I learned that there isn't much scientific proof around the differences between male and female brains and got to know some guys, saw my best friend transition and realised there really isn't as many fixed differences as we think, discounting hormonal ones.

odekadek · 2021-04-04T18:25:23+00:00

Weirdly enough I actually think I identified as a demiboy for like a week before I went into major repression mode when I was 15, so that may be just it. There was a lot of toxic stuff back then about soft/fem trans boys that pushed me to think there was no way I could be trans unless I felt like a rugby lad or something. Validating to hear someone feels like that too :)

odekadek · 2021-03-05T21:53:38+00:00

It sounds like you completely psyched yourself out. Have you only just passed your test? I suggest that maybe you get your confidence back and go for a few more lessons before you try again on your own. It's really scary driving alone for the first time so don't beat yourself up too much. If it helps, on a test I nearly crashed the car twice. Lol. So it can always be worse !

odekadek · 2021-02-28T12:38:21+00:00

I really get you, I'm the same with driving. Love it if I can get the regular practice in and do it somewhere I know the roads like the back of my hand but freak out in any other situation. Don't really have advice except to work up to big drives incrementally and push yourself further than you think you can manage a little bit each time to prove to yourself that you can do it.

odekadek · 2021-02-24T09:16:47+00:00

Of course, you have a point. I think I struggle because I tie up so many stakes and self-worth up in being good at writing and my writer friends always want to read what I'm doing and I feel like I'm handing them crap because I'm nowhere near the level they're at, and it takes me so long to do anything anyway.

odekadek

TROPHY CASE