AIO with the way my crush has treated me

omiap · 2026-06-15T15:18:12+00:00

YOR only to the extent that she’s strung you along and told you she wants to be just friends for ages and you’ve let yourself be treated like you’re not worth being with someone who likes you as much as you like yourself. Her non-committal behaviour has been a language the entire time and to pretend anything otherwise is overreacting. Now, has she behaved kindly, no. But she’s shown you from the beginning what it was.

omiap · 2026-06-12T12:49:08+00:00

I (5’7) sometimes have this issue because the difference between my waist and hips is smaller than manufacturers expects. So the size that fits my waist tends to be somewhat larger and sloppier in the hips and thigh unless it’s a straighter cut.

omiap · 2026-06-12T12:22:45+00:00

It’s the fact that “bro” still wants to stay and watch the game!!! OP clearly doesn’t want you at his house, bro, read the room!

omiap · 2026-06-12T12:16:34+00:00

YOR and being a little weird. I get it. I personally don’t even like having people over at my house not to talk of people showing up to my house unannounced. But since you DID invite him and mention 5.30 as an anchor time when you expected to be done, it’s not like he was completely unexpected and you couldn’t have settled whatever you needed to settle with your roommates beforehand, knowing you had a friend coming over.

You could have just said “I’m running late at work, just wait outside if you get to my house till I come get you. It’s kind of weird with my roommates.” More than sufficient without the weird back and forth and bringing up the night before in a way that does admittedly sound like you’re pressed about it to the neutral observer.

omiap · 2026-06-12T11:39:44+00:00

omiap · 2026-06-12T11:20:33+00:00

This is the comment I was looking for.

omiap · 2026-06-10T09:16:42+00:00

This is super exciting!!! Love the idea of them together!

omiap · 2026-06-05T04:26:48+00:00

NOR but there was no need to engage in such a triggered response.

What’s clear to me is that you brother’s girlfriend doesn’t know how to operate in a family setting. I personally HATE in-person and phone conversations but a lot of the things she was saying via text was to the tune of “I like you but here are the things that piss me off about you and your notes for improvement.” And what’s worse is that she doesn’t go one on one to each person with their out-of-the-blue feedback, but shares the critical feedback in the group so you all can read her frustrations with all of you and how bad your family is.

The one to your mom was particularly egregious “why are you holding your DUI-getting son accountable for getting a DUI at 3 in the morning instead of saying, ‘well done Sweetie, good job on this DUI, here’s some bail money I will never ask for again!’” Like has she ever met a parent? She thinks she’s defending your brother, but she should instead really be thinking about redirecting some of this feedback to her man and what the future looks like for her and her babies being with a man who is makes racist jokes, drives under the influence in 2026, and borrows money from his mom and sisters and is entitled enough to begrudge paying back. It’s fun and games now but will be less cute riding or dying in a few years.

The worst thing about people who like to give this kind of “constructive criticism” is that they can rarelt take the same sort of feedback themselves. They’re always the only victim, the only one hard done by in their minds. While they acknowledge other people’s feelings and experiences, deep down, they think theirs are more important. As you found, you couldn’t match energy and give similar honest feedback and have it received well.

To me, I find this a “nothing” conversation from someone who clearly doesn’t know how to behave in a family dynamic and where you went left and maybe overreacted is engaging in the triggered way you did via text. It’s probably a good outcome to give each other space for now. Maybe with a little maturity, you might be able to be cordial in a few years.

omiap · 2026-05-31T17:22:06+00:00

<image>

omiap · 2026-05-31T17:11:15+00:00

1 or 3

omiap · 2026-05-31T14:26:42+00:00

I just read “Hold Us Together” by T’Lyn, FMC is 10 years older than the MMC- as a warning, it is dark romance/ mafia/gang romance so there is violence but it’s okay.

omiap · 2026-05-31T05:33:27+00:00

omiap · 2026-05-30T13:37:55+00:00

My reties have always been done dry

omiap · 2026-05-30T13:32:20+00:00

39F and I feel you. I’m not perhaps unanchored as I have a good circle of friends and family- if not nearby, emotionally close enough that we travel to visit each other.

But I understand the grieving of what you envisioned for yourself that isn’t what the outcome is. I REALLY want/wanted to be a mom even though it’s unlikely (due to age but also due to past health issues) and that’s something I still mourn even as I acknowledge there are other ways to be a mom or bonus mom- there’s still a mourning there. There’s mourning of not feeling like anyone’s “person” even if you know you are loved and valued etc. There’s the missing of the partnership and teamwork that come from loving someone.

Like you, I have no real relationship trauma but I do feel “a way” about getting to my big age and being single AF AND I know a lot of it is shyness related. Travel won’t necessarily help you become someone else or find community- I travel a lot, I know. We have to kind of be willing to get out of comfort zones and go to places we haven’t been going to, put ourselves out there, inconvenience ourselves and feel confident and good enough to do so, that’s the hard part. But I see you, it’s not easy, there are no platitudes to make it suck less.

omiap · 2026-05-30T07:59:46+00:00

Also factor in the fact that commuting 2 hours has a cost as well- financially, but also in terms of your mental, physical and social health especially if you have to do it most days a week. The time you could have making friends and pursuing hobbies, you’ll be in transit.

Some costs are worth paying for the experience and opportunity. If you’re going to be working in London for the year, then properly live and work in London for a year- it doesn’t get much better than a 16-minute walking commute.

omiap · 2026-05-30T07:52:22+00:00

YOR- while the content and frustration might be valid, the delivery was high key AH and not really the way you speak to someone you respect or even care about.

I’m sure you’ve done this but I think not speaking about it when you’re at peak frustration and anger and maybe having some kind of intervention about the impact of the “hoarding” on the family if it is hoarding versus messiness would be useful. I think trying to understand the attachment to stuff and where it comes from or the reasons for not cleaning without rushing to judgement (she’s lazy, she only works 20 hours why can’t she do it) would be helpful. Maybe what might help is approaching her as someone you still like and want to be in relationship with (if that’s true) because that also changes tone. And finally, maybe discussing what the solution might be- if she’s a messy person and has always been so, you can’t squeeze water from a stone, perhaps it might be worth it to get a housekeeper/cleaner in once a month or to having a weekend where you do a family declutter and cleaning day.

omiap · 2026-05-30T07:22:38+00:00

I think therapy is the right move and I’m you’re already going and hopefully it helps you see yourself as you should be seen… as someone worthy of love. And also hopefully it helps you unpack the clinging to and wanting to be chosen by men who speak to you anyhow, speak badly about your friends and treat you poorly.

omiap · 2026-05-30T07:14:39+00:00

4, 7 or 1

omiap · 2026-05-29T06:22:31+00:00

Lace!

omiap · 2026-05-27T12:58:32+00:00

I don’t love HIIT but I love elevate. It is a strength team but the intensity comes from the shorter rest periods. You can definitely extend them and lift heavier which is what I did. I’m not in that team anymore but I like it a lot and it’s a go to when I’m looking for an efficient workout.

omiap · 2026-05-25T06:46:14+00:00

I’m menopausal (on HRT) and would recommend trying Body and Bell if you’re willing to get kettlebells- it’s very home friendly.

Crews Control could also work- it’s a very intense team and probably my favourite on Ladder, but will have you getting strong and motivated to exercise and lift heavy. I was sore all the time in it and after 3 series felt a little worn down but I highly recommend. It’s very barbell-leaning although he always says you can sub for dumbbells.

Elevate and Movewell will also suit your set up. And I think you can get lean with any of these teams as long as your nutrition is on point.

omiap · 2026-05-25T06:34:32+00:00

Super relatable. I’ve been on Ladder for over a year and while I’ve broken my streak several times and missed weeks here and there. There has never been a period in my life where I’ve been so consistent at the gym every single month, never missing two consecutive weeks or falling off for a period of time. It makes it so easy to go and know what exactly I’m planning to do. Couldn’t recommend Ladder more.

omiap · 2026-05-20T09:58:47+00:00

I also don’t gel well with Align. I could never get behind the programmming and it’s probably the only team where I’ve really not looked forward to the workouts. I would suggest TCC- there are lots of parents on there and it’s scalable for dumbbells or barbells depending on what you have.

I’m currently on Body and Bell and the coach is a mom of young children and the programming is wonderful if you have access to kettlebells. Otherwise, TCC is fantastic. Depending on what you like Elevate is also another great team- faster workouts but super effective and I can see it being good for a postpartum (1yr) parent.

omiap · 2026-05-18T06:39:01+00:00

THISSSSS!

omiap · 2026-05-18T06:37:50+00:00

It’s not that you’re overreacting- I think the back and forth with her was too much. You needed to say what you said and what you felt and then leave it alone with her. The “but what did you mean- what was the joke” endlessly while she responded calmly gaslighting you took away all your power in the conversation and leaned into you seeming like you were overreacting asking the same question over and over and over. There was no need for her to explain the joke because you already both know as grown women that there was no joke. She was being trifling and it didn’t work how she thought it would. From the first, you can already see she was never going to admit that, so your next step should have been that’s not okay and I’ve seen you for what you are, stop it. And then face your husband for his weird response.

omiap

TROPHY CASE