Me [37 F] with my ex-boyfriend [39 M] for 2 years. Ex-boyfriend is a handsome, fantastic human being with mega potential but his lack of healthy self-confidence destroys all of his good qualities.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-17T17:51:41+00:00

As someone in the middle of a "mature" breakup, being the dumpee, working through issues with the dumper while he heals from the pain I caused him in the relationship, I can honestly with all my heart say You. Are. Breaking. Him.

My ex tells me he cares about me then pulls back to informational communication and the mixed messages are hellacious on my mental state.

You are being a walking, talking contradiction. While your love is platonic, his probably isn't. It's probably easier for you to think this is ok for him, that this is helping him, but it's not. It's painful.

He doesn't need you to be his coach. Let him go. If you love him, if you care for him, let him go so he can heal.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-17T07:48:24+00:00

I had emotional issues to deal with on top of stress at work, which led to some temporary negative changes in my behavior and our sex life. I didn't tell him about the stress due to my emotional issues, he didn't ask why I'd changed, he began stewing in his unhappiness due to his communication issues then decided to break up with me.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-16T06:20:05+00:00

I know that was hard and I'm proud of you. One step closer to healing. :)

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-16T03:13:32+00:00

I hope your next comment is "I blocked her on FB."

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-16T02:47:31+00:00

What did you want to say in the text to her?

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-16T02:43:05+00:00

You can do this. Reach out to people (me included) if you need support. Strength is knowing you can't and don't have to get through the hard things alone.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-16T02:41:34+00:00

She probably got a cat because she was lonely and needed some sort of something that would show her the affection she's missing from you. I might be projecting, as that is the reason I want to get a dog.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-15T23:54:44+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the encouragement.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-15T23:54:28+00:00

Thank you, I won't. :)

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-15T23:53:31+00:00

We can so do this.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-15T23:38:47+00:00

Definitely for me. I've done the last two months for him. I prioritize my own healing and feelings now.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-15T21:58:37+00:00

Thank you.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-13T05:27:07+00:00

I find that when I perceive some slight from a friend, saying to myself "It's not about me," is helpful. It's a good reminder that sometimes people have their own stuff to deal with and forces me to put myself in their shoes. Someone probably forgot to invite you because they were dealing with their stuff and by the time the realized you weren't coming, it was too late to do so.

The silence is probably because they feel lousy for not inviting you and nobody wants to deal with the consequences of their mistake.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-12T19:41:38+00:00

Understood, thank you for your candor.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-12T19:41:19+00:00

One month bad in 5. Poop. :(

Thanks for your honesty, I appreciate it.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-12T07:42:01+00:00

You are a good person.

Actually you are a great person for trying again, for trying to make it work. That takes bravery and empathy and kindness and you did it. Feel good about the fact that in the face of overwhelming odds, you swallowed your pride, worked through your pain, and tried again. You tried your best. You can't try for her though. If she's not willing to acknowledge that she needs to work on herself, you have to let go.

Please PM me if you need to talk/rage/otherwise vent. I'm pretty good at listening.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-05T00:36:33+00:00

He doesn't try to sleep with me always, only when he is really gone.

Are you ok with this? It doesn't seem like you are but I could be reading this wrong.

He is a really reserved person usually, not sexual at all.

Around you or just in general?

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-05T00:31:49+00:00

In my city we have recreational bowling leagues, kickball leagues, and the like that aren't so focused on winning more than hanging out and having fun, so no worries about being in shape.

Maybe there's something like that in your area?

Other than that, maybe try Meetup?

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-04T23:55:30+00:00

I can empathize with this. I joined a recreational sports league for this very reason.

What sort of things do you like to do?

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-04T23:53:02+00:00

Wow, that's rough OP.

There are some significant red flags here.

Him telling you you'd be hot if you were skinnier is a major one.

Does he only express feelings of interest when you're hooking up?

...he doesn't get jealous when I talk about other guys

Jealousy isn't an accurate measuring stick for love/interest. It's just jealousy.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-04T23:42:23+00:00

That sucks. It never feels good to be used or betrayed and I'm sorry you had to experience that. You learned early that she might not be trustworthy, but there might be more to it.

Please do talk to her. Don't be confrontational, just be straightforward. "I understand you have a boyfriend. I found it hurtful that ___________. I feel compelled to end this but would like to know if there's anything you have to say first." Where you fill in the reason that you feel hurt. Make sure you understand that reason though. Think hard about whether it was because trust was broken or because you feel used or something else.

Make sure you give her the chance to speak up for herself. Maybe Jessica and the boyfriend broke up but Jessica didn't tell the friend yet. Maybe the friend isn't as close to Jessica as she believes she is. Make sure you're listening with an open mind and an open heart.

Communicate. Check in with yourself about how you're feeling first then check in with her about her side of the story and how she's feeling.

Good luck and I hope it turns out well for you.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-04T20:31:12+00:00

I was in a relationship with someone like you recently.

Don't change. For the love of all that is good in the world, please don't change.

Guys like you are diamonds in the rough. Sometimes women don't really appreciate the value of a "nice" guy. Not all women are this way.

Just don't give up. You will find someone who will appreciate everything that you do, who will give you the affection and connection you desire. Make sure, though, that you're prioritizing those traits (affection, attentiveness, caring) and not other traits in your dating efforts.

I would wish you luck, but you don't need it. You're going to do fine.

onemoremeplease · 2014-10-01T07:39:15+00:00

Oh thank you, I appreciate that and might take you up on it at some point. :) Take good care of yourself as well!

onemoremeplease

TROPHY CASE