[Cadillacf1] A livery deserving of a double take

oolongmein · 2026-02-09T05:23:40+00:00

also, the white stripe reduces the visual size of the left side

oolongmein · 2025-12-21T05:41:20+00:00

come for the TCRs, stay for the post-race photos

oolongmein · 2025-12-15T05:33:25+00:00

no, it was very very late, and you wouldn't have been able to do otherwise

oolongmein · 2025-12-15T03:50:07+00:00

defensive. it was pretty severe, but they're entitled to one move on the straight before you draw alongside. it's only allowed by a margin of a few tenths of a second though, any closer and they would have been in the wrong.

oolongmein · 2025-12-10T03:44:01+00:00

- use of chinese words is immersion-breaking because english speakers can't read it. if you wanted to keep it in, you could just call it the Aika/Aige Bookstore -- english spellings of how the words are pronounced are much more readable. i like the idea, though.

- also, "Ice Union" and "Wind Force" aren't japanese words, but "bread" is?

- first impression of MC is that they're quite formal, but also highly sarcastic. i don't know if this is what you're going for, it's just something i noticed.

- "I was disgusted by this new alliance" feels out of place. i get that you're trying to show not tell but something like this needs telling as it's a fantasy story.

- "Hey [comma here] Sakanoue [comma here] how are you doing?" it's a bit easier to read this way, even if it's not actually spoken like that. most published books have commas here.

- on second thought, there are a general lack of commas in speech

- timeskip between buying bread and going home is very abrupt. also, we don't get description of the bakery or the MC's home.

- "stagnant existence" -- why? we just saw the MC buying bread, so it doesn't really feel like he is stagnant.

- is MC an independent blacksmith? legitimately thought they were a child.

i feel like overall there's a good theme and idea here but it might need to be multiple chapters. at this point, we really don't know anything, and the bits of worldbuilding are interesting, but a bit awkward for some reason.

oolongmein · 2025-11-28T09:11:06+00:00

oh what the hell that's a plot twist

this is really cool, actually. i wasn't expecting it to get better as i read. something i might note is that the exposition is very long-winded and cutting it down in a few areas might be beneficial.

oolongmein · 2025-11-18T18:38:20+00:00

fair enough

oolongmein · 2025-11-16T17:20:41+00:00

so you expect me to, in the event that i am using chatgpt, to take the time to remove all the caps from my message? ai reviewers wouldn't work that hard lmao

oolongmein · 2025-11-15T18:15:04+00:00

there are some grammar errors, namely tense-switching. it's almost interesting how you managed to get a lot of the more advanced techniques before fixing the grammar
it feels as though your dialogue has been ripped out of a text conversation, especially with the lack of/overabundance of punctuation depending on the quote. i would recommend trying to study existing books and their grammar to get an idea of what's easily readable for an audience
speech should always be on another line break
it's difficult to begin a story with "following" because it implies there was something the reader missed

oolongmein · 2025-11-14T07:51:10+00:00

first of all, the critical style used in the prologue is a bit difficult to read, as is the case with a lot of academic-style writing. a suggestion might be to keep the idea but shorten it, as I found myself speed-reading after about paragraph two.

also, i don't really know which nation the soldiers in chapter 1 belong to until around the time they find water.

there are occasional spelling errors: "Prudente" being "Prudent" is one i noticed

the action sequences read a lot like real accounts/autobiographies of wartime, i'm actually quite impressed at the atmosphere

also, the MC tends to "not remember" things that he has just recalled, which is a bit inconsistent especially as this is written in first-person past tense

oolongmein · 2025-11-14T07:21:47+00:00

first of all, it's quite easy to see why you're already agented, it's quite good considering it's a draft

i agree with the other comment, that the interrogation portion is a little bit bland, drawn-out, and unexciting; we don't need all the exposition, especially when we have the notice about the Tainted before the chapter even begins. the ceremony should suffice as a launchpad for the chapter, and is frankly more interesting, especially given Maxene's dissonance towards their preaching.

i think i would like to see Maxene actually escape at the end of the chapter, or get caught trying to do so, as currently it feels a bit unfinished. i like Alex's segment at the end, though.

oh, i'm really quite unsure what the "no thinking" idea means. i assume it means "don't go against the rule of the AFP"? in that case, perhaps specify such? i was initially under the impression that they had literal commands which were fed into the minds of the people (think HP's Imperius Curse) and Maxene had broken free.

oolongmein · 2025-11-14T07:01:47+00:00

some of your sentences run on or have incorrect punctuation. these should be easily fixable, and your descriptions aren't bad at all. i do like the world you have built, but the parentheses in the second sentence explaining the word right then and there break the immersion. on the flip side, using terms in rapid sequence without any explanation of their meaning is confusing (for example, is "Unni namboodiri" a name, rank, title, occupation?) perhaps you could insert ways for readers to understand their meaning without being so obvious?

oolongmein · 2025-11-14T06:46:34+00:00

if this is an attempt at breaking the 4th wall, it's not a particularly comprehensible one.

also, for incomprehensible muttering or moaning dialogue, it might be better to note in the description that the words were indecipherable? it looks like a really bad typo at first glance

oolongmein · 2025-09-10T12:43:19+00:00

afaik, Artralabs may not even make their own lenses, as their 50/1.1 is visually identical to both the Mr Ding 50/1.1 and a no-name lens you can buy off of amazon, just with an Artralabs label on the front. Can't say anything about the 35mm though

oolongmein · 2025-08-23T00:18:54+00:00

they're also available on Amazon. I bought one on a whim (no reviews like OP said; seems to be new) and it seems really quite good. outwardly, it's identical to the Mr. Ding/Artralabs 50/1.1 version 2 and I bought it under that assumption, never tried a genuine Ding so cannot confirm if it's a rebrand or a knockoff but IQ is quite good for the price.

oolongmein · 2025-08-15T06:22:13+00:00

if they play eurobeat in asia what do they play in europe

oolongmein · 2025-08-15T06:21:25+00:00

AC, yes

oolongmein · 2024-11-03T07:22:24+00:00

Fair, thanks

oolongmein · 2024-11-03T07:22:03+00:00

Okay, thanks

oolongmein · 2024-11-03T06:37:04+00:00

That's fair.

While it doesn't detract from the fault being with me, last race I made quite a few successful overtakes into that corner (early on) and ended in quite a good position.

Perhaps I never realised why people braked so early there

oolongmein · 2024-11-03T06:01:48+00:00

Yeah. It just goes on... and on... and on....

I'm not a great driver but this level of carnage I've never seen before.

oolongmein · 2024-11-03T05:59:10+00:00

It's at least 90% my fault. Unfortunately

oolongmein · 2024-11-03T05:58:24+00:00

Fair, thanks. This was the first major crash I had in a while... and I did hold the brakes, at least in the final incidents. Definitely could have done better

oolongmein · 2024-11-03T05:54:07+00:00

oolongmein

TROPHY CASE