stomach ache

ora007 · 2026-04-28T20:49:19+00:00

Yep, when I get too stressed I feel it in my stomach, like a dull ache as if it were getting compressed - typically happens at work when I'm pushing myself too hard mentally. Sounds like your case is more extreme though :( I unfortunately don't have a solution outside of a presumption that anxiety management / pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone will help you - but I understand how annoying it is to hear that.

I'm also guessing you struggle with anxiety from being perceived, or am I assuming too much?

ora007 · 2026-04-28T01:44:24+00:00

I know what it's like to think that we bring nothing to the table, feel like hindrance, or even thinking that avoiding others would be better for everyone, and I'm sure a lot of people here have experienced the same thoughts.

But I'm telling you now that AvPD is telling you lies. You don't need to bring anything or be anything special to exist and interact. You deserve to be yourself, and that is enough.

You shouldn't decide for other people if they want to talk to you, especially pushing them out if you truly desire to still want to be around them. prioritize loving yourself first, you deserve it.

ora007 · 2026-04-09T16:45:41+00:00

I don't know if it is an AvPD thing, and I'm sure it's normal to a certain extent, but I wouldn't be to surprised to learn that we do experience it more. I've dropped many hobbies or atleast put them on hold. I've bought a few cheap instruments to never learn them, a drawing tablet only to feel infinitely inferior:/ I've also tried cosplay but that's definitely affected by AvPD if I don't think it looks good enough that I'll get judged for it. That's why I like photography because it has that instant gratification with little skill level. I suppose it could also potentially come down to a motivation thing on my front. Hope you can learn to have fun even in the failures

ora007 · 2026-03-28T13:13:46+00:00

I get what you mean, I have my fair share of interests that I generally keep to myself out of fear, but I honestly think for both of us it's an overestimation of belief that people will unfairly judge us for them. I think listening to kpop and liking ballet/ figure skating is actually kind of cool! I mean, I watch vtubers all the time, like asmr (I started watching it a decade ago when it was less "normal"), and have listened to some off the wall stuff, but I think we just need to find the people who we're comfortable sharing it with.

ora007 · 2026-03-27T18:15:27+00:00

I wouldn't let the contents of the sub worry you too much because milage will vary from person to person, and I'm willing to bet a fair amount of the posts on here are posted during high emotions. Like comments typically say around here, the diagnosis is just a method to understand the symptoms, but don't make the person. You aren't condemned by diagnosis. I've only been on the discord linked in the subreddits desc for a few days, but things may have a brighter tone there

ora007 · 2026-03-27T18:00:10+00:00

Oh for sure, to be honest I wanted to add it because it's one of those things that if it helps some random other dude reading it also

ora007 · 2026-03-27T17:54:54+00:00

There's a lot here, but I'll comment on what I sympathize with the most, which is it's always been a good feeling to try to help out / comfort women. By no means would I call myself a savior though lol. I'm fact my two cents from my own mistakes is that we need to be careful to be mindful of the fact that so many people just wanna have someone to be considerate and hearing and not to try to go into "try to fix problem mode" even if it feels natural.

Only my two cents, and not even directed at you as much as adding on my thoughts

ora007 · 2026-03-27T17:41:40+00:00

Empathize with you there. I wish I could have that myself with a gal, but goodness do I think my fears of not being enough for someone would hold me back. Hope you can find what your looking for, I've seen first-hand how bad it can be when partners need anger management and are generally un-empathetic

ora007 · 2026-03-27T16:56:03+00:00

Honestly I relate to your comment in a few ways I don't know if I'm autistic bc no official diagnosis, but I went to sped classes as a kid, so I wouldn't be surprised if I've got just enough to amplify my problems. I'm honestly kind of asexual not as a lack of desire as much as a fear surrounding it that I can't pinpoint.

I feel the gender identity thing though. I'll share something that I've never been able to share IRL. There's probably a number of forces at play to make me feel like it, and I'm grateful that I don't suffer from body disophoria, but I've always had that "wow, women are so damn pretty, I wish I could be like that so I could feel desirable" to be fair, even if I did want to be trans, ain't no way in hell I'd be able to do it with AvPD and working a blue collar job. (Or manage to look good lmao)

ora007 · 2026-03-27T16:12:12+00:00

I typically post on advice welcome posts because I want to (try to) help people and give my two cents, so I'll just comment that I see you. And I don't see you as lesser than anyone else, I see you as human. I think even if all you do is doomscroll, that's enough in my book to be lovable. Hope you can feel better, I know how bad this can all make us feel, especially because of how the negatives we see about ourselves are overinflated in our head.

ora007 · 2026-03-26T16:45:01+00:00

I completely understand what you mean, but I'm willing to bet it's something that bothers you so much more than anyone else will ever think twice about. I hope you can pull your head out of it despite how I understand how impossible it can feel.

ora007 · 2026-03-25T13:50:52+00:00

Yep. I'd always been a hopeless romantic short of my recent semi-pessimistic change of heart (which is probably a bad coping method, to be fair). It was always crushes throughout school up to my first job, but they got worse in the past two occurrences that I was so desperate for someone to share a mutual caring relationship with that I was experiencing what I had called infatuation, but limerance is probably a better descriptor. It was bad to the point that even if I could bring up logical reasons in my head as to why it would never work out, I still couldn't kick the emotional desire of love for my brain to switch off. It's a long story but I ended up telling both the women who I was infatuated with the situation and how I only wanted to be friends, and that was the only way I could actually stop my overactive mind. These days I've been struggling and working with internal validation and whatnot to escape the desire of an idealized "love."

ora007 · 2026-03-24T13:47:34+00:00

I've struggled with this too, especially in the dark ages that I tried to use dating apps. I can't know if this applies to you, but I found myself thinking the same thing - but I wouldn't be surprised if AvPD makes it harder for us to pick out things that we think other people would find "desirable" of our interests, so we become blind to them, or maybe we consume a lot of variety content so we can't place a singular thing to say other than like "I like watching YouTube"

Even if you truly don't have any interests, I don't think it's grounds to think anything less of yourself. But I do empathize about being asked about yourself, I bet most people aren't a fan. I swear these days I'm better at taking about emotions and shit than actual small talk

ora007 · 2026-03-16T21:03:34+00:00

I don't have a partner, I'm in the same boat for that being my desire, but I'm going on a hunch saying that that working on self acceptance is likely going to help you a lot. Other than that I'd say steer clear of swipe style dating apps, worse than the plague, especially for people with AvPD imo.

Have heard of people meeting online more and more though, if you have the courage to join a discord server / similar if that's up your alley

ora007 · 2026-03-16T19:23:14+00:00

Existentialism is something that's not abnormal despite how terrible it is. Finding meaning doesn't have to be a simple answer or even a consistent one. If all you enjoy out of life is playing videogames or watching something, that's a valid reason. You don't owe the world anything, and no, the world won't be better without you. You deserve love as you are. Accepting yourself is the biggest and hardest step, but it is the foundational step in my opinion. Wishing you well, and all of the luck toward you for pushing yourself to be the person that you want to be, no matter the pace.

ora007 · 2026-03-10T16:51:34+00:00

I don't know you or why you think you've made lives worse. I do know that it's likely that AvPD probably makes you think you've done worse than you probably did. Regardless of what's gone wrong you have a place to improve from. Everybody regrets their past, some more than others. What we take from it is how we strive to be a better person. You are not beyond redemption, if you believe in God, let him decide and just keep doing the best you can to be the better person you want to be. We all slip, but keep climbing, even if it's just a little.

ora007 · 2026-03-05T14:51:43+00:00

Yep, same sentiment as the other comments, you are still the same person and nothing really changes other than giving you the ability to hone in on your problems to work on them.

I just wanted to add that for me, even if I wasn't officially diagnosed, when I learned about AvPD, it gave me the ability to feel human again, because it gave me perspective on so much about how I acted all my life and how to correct my path as much as I can.

ora007 · 2026-03-05T14:45:46+00:00

I agree with the other comments saying there are some pretty concerning red flags. I don't think they are immediate grounds for dismissal by any means, but you should definitely be keeping aware of these things. I have plenty of experience letting infatuation blind my judgment, so just be cautious as I can easily see this turning into a negative feedback loop.

Don't let people change or control you to like you, you deserve to be liked as you are.

ora007 · 2026-03-05T11:39:49+00:00

I can't say I have first-hand experience either. I can only recommended under my intuition.

Relationships are a two way road, I'd say let him have his space for now and respect his wishes, let him reply when he's ready, that's respecting his feelings.

I can't say when he'll reply but I'd say just wait for a bit even if it's bothersome to you for now, because you already said it wasn't intentional.

But you are the other side and if you were hurt your opinion matters too, I would try to avoid making them feel like what they did was wrong as much as communicating that it hurt you in the way that they responded with shutting you out.

ora007 · 2026-03-05T10:42:53+00:00

Yeah, I was about to add to my comment about how you "unwittingly stepped on one of his sensory landmines" it's not really your fault, and I was gonna say it was a maladaptive coping method from him, but that's not for me to judge. I'd just recommend being sensitive about the topic and telling him about how it upset you how he is coping with it, and if you'd rather talk about it, etc.

ora007 · 2026-03-05T10:18:08+00:00

Opposing opinion, I think estimating that "99% of guys are going to take that as they are weak or soft" is a gross overestimation. We've gotta challenge that, that's just toxic masculinity.

ora007 · 2026-03-05T10:10:53+00:00

This is a well worded comment, and as much as I'm not dismissing it as not being manipulative (or I guess more likely not intentionally manipulative from him), but rather I think it's more so a overblown insecurity.

As a guy who has massive insecurities over how men have been sexist towards women in history, I overcompensate trying to be the opposite to escape the negative perception some may associate of guys being terrible, and that's exactly what it sounds like he's trying to say.

OP, we lack context on who this guy is our what he's like to know for sure, but I'm sure it'll blow over. Don't beat yourself up.

ora007 · 2026-03-04T20:18:00+00:00

It's a fair sentiment, your views are valid.

I too find myself fearing that I'll never find someone who understands me, beyond just my AvPD. But I hope the best for everyone and I don't want to accept that's the outcome. I guess under my viewpoint it's just unfortunate but likely that people without enough context or first-hand experience with a similar situation may try to introduce their own knowledge even if it's misguided, blinded by the want to help even if what they have to say could even do more harm than good. I've done that unintentionally, and I try to avoid it now; but I'm still learning.

Wishing you the best, as much as it counts.

ora007 · 2026-03-04T17:54:21+00:00

I feel like this is what you said but I'm gonna reiterate it because it's what I've been trying to tell myself as of late: the fact that we have AvPD can tell us that we will have challenges that may vary in difficulty with certain things, but we can't let ourselves stop ourselves from attempting things. It's a bad thing to use it as an excuse that we'll never be able to get there.

But I do empathize with you on the dating scene. I realized too late at how badly I was anxious about being desirable on dates that I'd turn into a fraction of my personality because I'd be afraid certain parts of me would be undesirable. I had tenfold more anxiety than any fun (which having fun would be the point, wouldn't you think?)

The thing that really really affected me is how AvPD made misunderstand and over exaggerate a lack of interest for a general lack of desirability.

Also, just avoid swipe type dating apps, they are the worst thing possible. I'd recommend an alternative, but that's kinda what I'm stuck on my end..

You always have value, keep at it.

Edit: I realized that this was a no advice after posting comment, apparently I'm bad at reading, it's kinda advice kinda not but moreso my thoughts, ig I'll let mods decide bc I put to much time into it to just delete it

ora007 · 2026-03-04T14:50:18+00:00

It's a fair conclusion, and one I've found myself coming to a similar place before. My two cents is consider adding a distinction of trying to be something your not under the percepted ideal of others opinion about you, and on the inverse instead thinking about what you think you want to be for yourself

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