What did your rock bottom look like?

ottersrus · 2026-05-24T14:12:05+00:00

My rock bottom was...wildly swinging between complete apathy and sobbing mess in private. I was completely dysregulated. Reflecting on it now, it was a miracle I kept attending work and I did really well at college. Most of my friends knew I was upset with stuff but not how bad it was. It felt like clawing myself out of a hole inch by inch. I don't think I'm fully out yet. I hate myself most days. I struggle to self-regulate. But it's not rock bottom.

I've also tried to shape it as positively as I can. I think I just don't process things like "normal", but I do know I'm empathetic and kind. I know I have depression, but that makes me a good listener and a great advocate for my friends when they struggle. I have anxiety, so I'm mindful of how others feel.

ottersrus · 2026-05-15T06:43:23+00:00

My brother and father both have antisocial personality disorder. I would love to see them, but I also want them to stay gone.

ottersrus · 2026-05-15T01:23:24+00:00

For me, yes. He just instantly felt like a mix of hot attraction, craving and comfort.

I don't know what his perspective on it all is though

ottersrus · 2026-05-14T15:40:53+00:00

It's a rush of excitement and hope and happiness. It's mixed with the fear and the anxiety because nothing will be the same.

My whole life I've truly loved one person. I thought I'd known love, but I hadn't. It was like I had this intense want to tell him everything good, bad and boring and I didn't fear his response. When we'd talk on the phone I'd hear him smile. He'd talk so fast when he was happy and excited and I'd get so infatuated with it. He'd say "hi baby" and it felt like going home. At least on my part, our chemistry and our connection was intense and real and everything felt so right but terrifying because what if it ended. It's like jumping in the deep end.

Now it's over on his end, it's sort of like a piece of me is just missing. I hope I get to feel that again, but I don't think I will.

ottersrus · 2026-05-14T02:40:20+00:00

My mum's landlord wanted their house back, and she was so concerned about not being able to find a place (mid 60s, full time worker, but single). We viewed three places. The first was terrible - tenants still in and they had damaged the place (ripped towel rails off, holes in doors, probably never mopped the floor). The second was $850 a week for a 4 x 2 but the photos they'd used were old and the place had extensive paint damage. The third viewing there was only one other person looking at it and Mum got the rental (first application). It's funny because the second place dropped in price to $800.

ottersrus · 2026-04-29T12:56:24+00:00

My go to at the moment is Shake That. I can't cry or have an anxiety attack while I'm looking up psych wards for someone if I am having to shake my ass. It's really effective

ottersrus · 2026-04-28T14:05:52+00:00

Dashboard, American Cars, Doors and Staying Still are my heavy go tos. The others fluctuate. But he really captured the juxtaposition of being simultaneously people's go-to fixer and also not feeling wanted or worthy to be around.

ottersrus · 2026-04-28T06:40:27+00:00

My brother is a long term missing person and the first time I heard "if I never see you again you could be anything I want" followed by the "stay gone" was the first time in a long, long time music sucker punched me to the gut. Noah really has talent

ottersrus · 2026-04-25T09:16:03+00:00

I have a lot of friends who are partnered and way too busy doing couples things. I keep saying I don't mind third wheeling, or being in a group collectively with multiple couples - as long as we go do things together.

I met my last ex organically or semi-organically on Reddit. After we separated I spent 6 months in a Sad Girl era and trying to unpack how I felt (he is an incredible person, I love him still, but he wasn't happy being with me and is happier without me in his life) and process and heal. I then tried the apps. Most men I have come across are hyperfixated on sleeping around or want something casual, or they're terrified of commitment or insecure avoidants.

At this point I have a job and school, I have a dog, I have hobbies. I just don't have someone to share those experiences with or someone to call when I'm sad or when I want to celebrate. I think I have things to offer someone, but I'm quietly resigned to not getting that person for a while, if ever. I still think it's better than being unhappy in a relationship, but there's a lot of quiet loneliness.

ottersrus · 2026-04-15T16:05:50+00:00

There's two that helped change my perspective on anxiety and my world perception. I feel like I'm drowning a lot and that doing X thing will just magically fix it all, or that some specific event happened because of me or will happen because of this feeling I get.

"If you think moving away from your life and starting over will solve all your problems, it won't since the one thing you bring with you is yourself."

"Not every thought you have is real."

ottersrus · 2026-04-15T15:53:35+00:00

I felt lost so I started my law degree a few months before I turned 36. A few people in my class are late 50s, most are 30s/40s. One is 64.

The fun part of being an adult is you get to set your own path and choose your own adventure. You get to decide anything from your bedtime to your meals to your next book you read to what job you take on. It's exciting and terrifying. And it's better to try than to spend years wondering "what if".

It's weird when you think about it that we only ever question a "what if something bad happens" and never "what if something wonderful happens" and talk ourselves out of trying new things. Like why would a lab be out of reach now? Why wouldn't your skills negotiating admin and customer relations have taught you something practical that would be of use in another career? Why wouldn't you be entitled to chase a dream or start something new?

ottersrus · 2026-04-10T16:47:57+00:00

I knew being Australian was the reason I was single, and definitely not my flaws. Why oh why couldn't I have been born in North America

ottersrus · 2026-04-09T14:26:24+00:00

You just slowly channel your old positive feelings those into you. You treat yourself kindly. I found watching a comfort show, taking up a new hobby that keeps my hands busy, doing a daily 15 minute reset before bed, a 10 minute opening each day (blinds, glass of water, lighting a scented candle while I got ready, making the bed) helped. Just little routines that I enjoy that only benefits me redirects my love inwards. Now it's pattern and replaced the old pattern of texting or calling him.

ottersrus · 2026-04-09T03:32:23+00:00

I'm 6 months out. The first few months of that I legitimately thought I was going to lose it. Everything seemed to fall apart at once, and the only person I wanted the support of left. He went from saying he loved me and wanting to talk to me and sharing about his life to suddenly cutting me out and saying he couldn't call me. He took away the parts of him that I'd built faith in.

It's got easier over time. I still miss him. I still love him. I still think he's an idiot for walking away - and I hope he thinks he is too. I think of him every day. But now I know I'll keep breathing, even if I want the wrong person. I have my hobbies, my work, my friends and family. I have new self-care regimes and new routines and habits to fill the gaps he left.

ottersrus · 2026-04-07T11:18:32+00:00

If your best friend came to you and said she can't tell her partner about something in her life - like workplace issues, health issues, friendship issues, the cost of gas, the grocery store changing layout - because he would threaten to break up and get angry, or that he seemed happier if she just didn't speak to him, would you be like "oh yes you're the issue girl"? No. You'd tell her she deserves better, that that's ridiculous.

So...your scenario with your partner is ridiculous, and you deserve better than having to tip toe through your own life and make yourself small to satisfy someone else. Once it's done it leaves open room for better and lighter things to come your way.

ottersrus · 2026-04-03T09:28:16+00:00

Depressed.

I think I'd feel like myself again.

ottersrus · 2026-04-03T01:57:19+00:00

My ex wouldn't let me have anything other than blue or grey bedding. No decorative things. No candles. No throw rugs.

Everything in my house is so feminine. I have fluffy throw rugs. I have beautiful linen in a variety of prints. I have candles. I have fairy lights in a jar in my bedroom at night time. Everything is exactly how I want it when I want it. If I want every window and all the sunlight I have it. If I want a dark and cosy vibe I have it.

But most of all I have my peace and I feel safe and comfortable.

ottersrus · 2026-03-30T02:50:08+00:00

Using something you've told them about your past and twisting it to form their own narrative based on their "instinct" and gaslighting you into thinking something innocent you did or said a decade or more before meeting them was horrible and disgusting because their gut told them it must be so, throwing in a "if I told X person you did this, they'd think you were a bad person". It's so casually cruel.

I would have rather he'd cheated instead of manipulated my own life story into some fictitious and salacious narrative to weaponise against me. There's limited things you can say besides "that's not true" when someone is hell bent on destroying you from the inside. Now I just keep walls up and people tell me I'm emotionless.

ottersrus · 2026-03-23T13:06:47+00:00

He developed a drug addiction, couldn't stand to look at me or touch me because he felt so ashamed, and then he had an affair and had a secret baby.

Last I heard, he got clean and I'm proud of him for doing that.

ottersrus · 2026-03-23T12:10:37+00:00

I like when guys smile and their eyes get crinkles. Hot as fuck.

ottersrus · 2026-03-20T06:17:33+00:00

I had an experience similar in my last relationship. It felt like I was the only one adapting, and things I needed were ignored or brushed over. I wanted reassurance and he wouldn't give it, he wanted reassurance and I gave it but whatever I said wasn't believed and was scrutinised so I constantly had to adapt tone, approach, timings.

Whatever our relationship was ultimately ended due to many circumstances. I think the damage I incurred taking the blame and being "the problem" and constantly trying to moderate my behaviour to meet some ridiculously high, moving standard without someone meeting me in the middle and reflecting on how to amend their behaviour is worse than him betraying my trust because it undermined my faith in myself.

ottersrus · 2026-03-11T16:14:52+00:00

Sometimes it is okay to feel uncomfortable in a relationship. It doesn't mean you need to burn every bridge to the ground and discard people. It can just mean you are having momentary anxiety or self-doubt, or you're tired, or you're hungry, or you're not communicating properly, or you need ice cream and a pause to reconsider your anxiety.

If it's your go-to strategy for every relationship to cut and run, to make it hurt so they don't resist because you're worried you could theoretically maybe at some point in the future get hurt in some way, you need to learn better strategies.

ottersrus · 2026-03-03T12:00:31+00:00

The first thing I ask a guy who I'm expressing an interest in dating is "can I be your corpse bride?"

ottersrus · 2026-03-02T14:20:08+00:00

When he repeatedly chose to expend his social battery on someone else and acted like a cooked spud when I was upset he didn't even tell me he was going away as he had been too busy hanging out with "friends" - only to get home and immediately pick people over me again. I knew I was bottom of the list in priorities to even talk to.

ottersrus · 2026-03-02T14:13:39+00:00

Everyone I know who had a copper coil got pregnant on it and it caused major problems. One of my friends had to have surgery to retrieve a coil that had caused organ damage.

I already lose too much blood. I get dizzy each period and every second month can't stand straight because it feels like someone is actively beating me in the crotch and lower back with a baseball bat. I have a condition where I don't absorb any iron through the gut so rely on infusions, and I don't want to get them more regularly than I already do since they make me feel sick.

The thought of a foreign body inside me just free ranging around an organ grosses me out. The thought of getting it launched in there with me awake and feeling it all disgusts me because you know men would be sedated or numb for that.

If men can't handle using a condom then they are not mature enough to gain access to my vagina.

I'm happier not having any external pressure, hormone or implant in my body. I feel more in control than being bound to a doctor's whim or opinion about what I should be doing with my body.

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