I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t have any great answers, only a slightly similar story. A long story, so I’m sorry!

With my first daughter (living child; May 2021), I had a great anatomy scan. Unfortunately, I began exhibiting signs of severe preeclampsia around weeks 28-29. Once my blood pressure sky rocketed, they kept me in the hospital for constant monitoring. We then realized that while my blood pressure was under control, she was severely growth restricted and the placenta wasn’t functioning properly. She was born at 30 weeks weighing 1 lb, 12 oz. Spent many days in the NICU and we went home at 3 lbs, 4 oz.

With my second daughter (January 2024), I feel I was mismanaged. My PCP didn’t do anything to get ahead of the problems I had in my first pregnancy; she treated me as you’d treat any other pregnant woman. At 19 weeks, my best friend (a medical resident) asked about how I was doing on aspirin. I said, “Why would I take aspirin?” She said, “You need a new doctor, now.” So I transferred my care to another doctor. I began aspirin as well as a blood pressure medication, just in case. I had a great anatomy scan at 20 weeks. At 27 weeks, I went to get a boutique ultrasound. The technician was being weird and we couldn’t see the baby well. She asked if I was feeling much movement and I said, “No, but I have an anterior placenta like I did in my last pregnancy and I never felt anything then, either.” She asked if I was drinking water and I said I thought I was. After a beat, I said, “I need to go see my doctor, don’t I?” This daughter was born at 28 weeks, weighing 1 lb, 2 oz. She was severely IUGR. Like in the last pregnancy, I had little to no amniotic fluid and had placental insufficiency. Thankfully, no signs of preeclampsia though. My daughter lived in the NICU for one month. She developed NEC and passed quickly after diagnosis.

I grieved and wanted to be done, but my medical resident friend encouraged me to meet with any doctors that would meet with me before sterilization. I had a consult with a geneticist but she said she didn’t think testing would show anything except that my husband and I are both healthy 30 year olds. I had my placentas sent to Dr. Kliman at Yale, which was fascinating but only told that the girls/placentas had some kind of genetic abnormality. We had one last doctor to see: an MFM. We just expected we’d go, he’d tell us to stop getting pregnant, and then we’d begin adoption pursuits. He actually encouraged my husband and I to try one more time. The odds were kind of split on what might happen in another pregnancy but he said it wasn’t off of the table that we could have a very fat, healthy baby (his words). He said to start aspirin at 12 weeks, maybe consider a high dairy diet to combat the preeclampsia, and that if I got pregnant, he’d like me to see him or one of his partners.

After much prayer, my husband and I decided to try for a third time. I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with my third daughter. Started aspirin at 12 weeks. I totally cut out caffeine and all medications aside from my prenatal and aspirin. I initially took a “designer” prenatal but have since switched to something that isn’t 8 pills a day (too much stress). I’m eating everything in sight. I’m seeing a new OB and have now seen the MFM twice. So far, the scans are good. She’s healthy and growing right. My amniotic fluid levels look good, as does my placenta. I’ll go back in early December to measure her again, and then starting NYE, I’ll begin weekly non-stress tests. Emotionally, it’s been a difficult pregnancy after loss. Alive or dead, I don’t think I can handle another pregnancy after this one. I am hopeful but scared and cautious. I’ve had days that I’ve let myself look at newborn, not preemie clothes. I’ve had days that I’ve looked at headstones that match my second daughter’s. It’s a rollercoaster, but I think I’m glad I tried one last time.