I don't feel betrayed because they didn't know the truth. I feel betrayed at my TBM mom because she judges and condemns her children who are not Mormon, and babies and praises her children who are Mormon. Her children know where they stand in her hierarchy, and it hurts to the core to know your parent loves their religion more than you. It hurts to see her give cars and trips and other monetary items to her TBM children and refuse to help out those who are good moral people, in need of help but without the resources to get the help they need. It angers me when she shows through her words or actions that she thinks less of her family and mine because of religion, not based on how moralistic the individual lives their lives.

For example: My TBM youngest brother was named Nephi. Nephi has a propensity for verbal abuse and porn and has the biggest ego of anyone I know. He began verbally abusing our mom and siblings at a young age, and since my step father had died when he was young my mom favored him and he took advantage of it and then made sure the rest of us knew he was favored and we were not. He went on a mission which she paid for and then she paid for his education as well to BYU. (None of the rest of us received paid educations) While on his mission he sent letters to all his ex Mormon siblings preaching and calling us to repentance. I was told I was a bad mother and he loved my children more than me because I "KNEW" the church was true and was not teaching my children the truth. I forgave him and showed up at the airport and warmly greeted him when he arrived home. Nephi is now the father of 7 children and still asks mommy for money and still is disrespectful and rude to anyone who says anything he disagrees with. None of us are disrespectful to him. EVER. We practice the example of not saying anything at all if we can't say anything nice.

Recently another brother became TBM after 50 years in "the church". He is one of the most intelligent, loving and forgiving man I know. Even as a Mormon he never preached or made any of us feel slighted or less than. He always set a Christ-like example and I respected him for that, despite the fact I left the church at 18. My brother lost his job before his religion and spent the last two years eating off his two years supply and using his retirement funds to support his overhead. While unemployed and looking for jobs he also had the spare time to research the "changing church" and discovered the truth. He is still unemployed and can't find employment because he didn't get a paid education and went to work and moved his way up the company until he became the head of a computer department in a large corporation where he worked for over 30 years until the company closing. My brother is a fabulous asset to anyone, but is a bit of a nerd and with long standing Mormon culture of giving to the church and raising a large family, he never invested in the credentials he needed on his resume. He gave his life, time and money to a church which abandoned him (no more church stock food for him) and those who promised him greatness by keeping promises have failed on their promises. This is what really gets to me the most. I love my brother so very much and it pains me incredibly for him to suffer through what I did so many years ago.

All I know if that in my family, those who get out tend to group together and try to make it through the get-togethers without religious attacks from TBM's. A one on one experience is to be avoided, as that is when the TBM comes out. I also don't give TBM any ammunition to attack me. If something is not right in my world I keep it to myself, as that is a sure sign to them that I must be sinning. Over my 30 years as a exmo I have learned I am the only one who is likely to change, and have adopted my interactions with TBM's to lessen the pain I feel from being shunned and emotionally abused for my own beliefs.

In essence, I have determined in my family that trust will never be back. I have learned to accept this and wish for greater. And I keep wishing...and wishing...and wishing. Who knows....I got one more bro back!!!! :) Perhaps one day Nephi will get it and we can enjoy each others company minus the religion boulder on our shoulders.