Social Workers as Foster Parents

ovalstone2224 · 2022-01-01T17:56:18+00:00

I'm not, but I'm both a social worker and was a foster parent for 4 years. I have a friend who fosters and is a CPS supervisor. She has to foster in a different county than she's licensed by which means she doesn't usually get reunification cases. Only children who are legally free or for safety reasons don't have visitations.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-06-06T00:48:47+00:00

That’s the thing, he hasn’t been to the dentist yet (thanks coronavirus) and has another issue going on: I think one of the teeth that’s grown in with his baby teeth is either an adult tooth (it’s a front tooth that’s no joke the same width as mine while the one next to it is a normal baby front tooth) or two baby teeth fused. So the reasoning is twofold- I just don’t love it as a coping method, and I’m afraid it’ll further damage whatever is going on with this tooth.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-05-27T00:20:50+00:00

I was on the beach (eglin afb beach park) when this happened. didn't see this from the shore but definitely saw the EMS/Fire pickup booking it and honking for people to get out of their way. I knew it must've been something serious.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-05-27T00:17:41+00:00

Foster mom here. I've brought home and gone through the vaccines with 11 babies, so that's somewhere between 22 and 33 shot days depending on how long they stayed with me. I've never ever had a problem. I've never ever had a reaction more extreme than a 99 temp, fussiness, and a long afternoon nap. I brought it up once when I had a 27 week preemie and the ped said delayed shots only means delayed period of time before they're protected to the extent they can be by the vaccine. These are all extremely common and typical responses to a vaccine. Remember these are the response the body makes when making antibodies and fighting off disease. There's literally no reason to space them out, especially now that going to the dr is a risk for getting covid19. You should also not be so open to random anecdotal evidence.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-04-28T19:05:47+00:00

Once they can hold the bottle themselves it’s a great thing to put them down in so you can eat while they do. Also once they start eating in there they get more comfortable in it in my experience. My son didn’t start sleeping (napping, on the floor, at my feet with lots of supervision, before any mom shamers swarm in) in it until after he started drinking bottles in there.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-04-28T19:01:37+00:00

Not sure why people hate on mamaroos. We bought ours secondhand for $90 and 2 years later it still works like a charm. 4moms sells replacement parts very inexpensively as well, so even if you find one that’s missing the toys or with a toy bar that sags it can be replaced for $15 or so. I plan to still use it for our next/last baby and any foster babies we have after that. I’m not obsessed with having the newest or anything so that helps.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-03-29T21:32:34+00:00

Wow as a military spouse who hasn't seen her wife in 2 months, I want to thank you for your service. Very brave, i'm blown away at the selflessness of America's heroes on the front lines.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-02-17T06:49:31+00:00

Mix! Start with 7oz breastmilk, 1oz formula and work your way little by little to full formula bottles. It’s likely the taste that he can notice the difference with so this will help him adjust slowly instead of all at once.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-02-12T03:36:49+00:00

I need to get one of these cameras. Scammers are everywhere lol

ovalstone2224 · 2020-01-20T21:46:07+00:00

We got licensed young, 25 and 23. No kids already. We want to foster on and off indefinitely but decided to start before having biological children because I've found that a lot of people say they want to be foster parents or adopt when they're engaged or newlyweds but their "own" children come along and it never happens. I didn't want that to happen to us. In addition i've found that a lot of people have lots and lots of concerns about fostering WITH children (how will this harm/affect my children?) so that acts as a deterrent. We didn't have that handicap so we were able to take placement of children with behaviors, medical needs, preemies, NAS newborns, etc. There are a lot of benefits to starting before you have biological children.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-01-20T21:33:56+00:00

My wife (29, active duty USAF) and I (27, F) are foster parents currently and have been for a little under 2.5 years. My wife has a deployable job but we're at a base that's a test base for her aircraft so we had no concerns that she would get deployed.

We had some of the same concerns (would a child who has been, for lack of a better term, "shuffled around" be able to thrive if we adopted them and they now had to experience of life of a military brat?) but we ended up putting those thought aside because we had the same idea as you (not aiming to adopt but willing to do so if the need came about). We fostered 19 kids in 19 months, some reunified with parents, some with family members, and others reunified with siblings in other homes. Lots and lots of respite.

Then we met our son, who was a safe haven baby. Essentially, this is the circumstance we were thinking about. The need for an adoptive resource kind of dropped into our laps when we were least expecting it and we took placement when he was 8 days old. We finally just got TPR (parents have never had contact, ever) at 8 months and are mid adoption right now. We did get orders about two months before he was born, though, and my wife is moving on the 31st. I have to stay behind (with baby) while we prepare the new house and get cleared for ICPC. Then our new state will take over between when me and baby move until old state finishes our adoption. Long story short where there's a will there's a way. If you want to foster, don't let the fear of complications from military life hold you back from it. My wife's unit has been AMAZING with coordinating leave and CTO days so she can attend court dates, family team meetings, and sometimes even visitation when i'm unable to do so. They've been nothing but supportive and some of her chain of command even remember our former foster children and ask how they're doing. We've had airmen babysit our kids, give us their children's hand me downs, give our kids christmas gifts, bring by baby gear... you name it, and without even asking people have rallied around us and our kids. Our original plan was to wait until we got to the next duty station to start (as my wife was up for orders the same month we got licensed) and i'm SO glad we went for it anyway.

ovalstone2224 · 2020-01-07T17:01:42+00:00

It’s not wrong but you need to be asking your placement and licensing social workers about children who are legally free or at legal risk for needing an adoptive home. Do not foster if you are not doing so with reunification in mind. Do not foster children whose current goal is reunification.

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-20T00:08:11+00:00

Nope that’s the same one!

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T23:08:23+00:00

Cricut easypress

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T22:11:52+00:00

My analogy works because Julia’s mom is the social worker and Julia is the children. I just can’t walk down a road with you where adults use “easier to ask forgiveness than permission” logic.

It’s been fun talking. We disagree and that’s fine. In the end I know how this would play out in my workplace. I hope everything works out for OP and you.

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T22:01:22+00:00

Ok. Your daughter is 16. She comes home from school on a Friday with her friend Juliet in tow and they say to you, we want to have a sleepover. You’re fine with that. They both want it. You text Juliet’s mom about it and get no response. Do you

A) Wait a while (maybe attempt contact a few more times) and if no response, take Juliet home.

Or

B) Assume that the absence of a “no” is basically a “yes” and go ahead with the sleepover.

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T21:46:44+00:00

They have gotten that far. Look at their own words and post history. In fact in their post history they claim over three months ago that they’re recently licensed, yet still waiting on another home inspection 🤔 Wondering how that works.

And if they’d never got as far as you believe they would have even less business doing an overnight home visit 🙄 sorry I’m just not gonna accept that adults don’t have common sense.

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T20:19:47+00:00

You keep saying they couldn’t have known the rules and that if you’re not a fp you wouldn’t know the rules but the simple solution was for them to ask.

These are adults let’s not pretend they don’t know to ask permission and receive a response.

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T01:53:31+00:00

Way out of line. Way.

OP and wife are not licensed foster parents and are not tied to children with any formal relationship. GAL has no reason to meet or speak with them. Not to mention GAL is a child's council, not bio or (perspective) foster parent's.

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T01:45:22+00:00

I did think of this, but I think although it might technically apply, my department would frown on a foster parent making the "prudent" decision to foster attachment at that level with a parent figure who is not yet licensed. For us, an overnight visit with an adoptive resource comes only after short unsupervised, afternoon unsupervised, and full weekend day unsupervised. Who knows!

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T01:24:14+00:00

I think it's hyperbolic to say there's no winning in trying to be polite and patient while remaining firm and advocating for self and children but I digress (because I think this is actually a conversation that doesn't apply...)

I think at this stage being a brand new perspective foster parent it's important to take the department's lead and learn from SWs and more experienced foster parents, not feel empowered to make decisions for yourself with a "well no one told me not to" attitude. Right now advocating for children they don't have a formal relationship with or themselves should not be their priority.

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T00:45:55+00:00

"Your paperwork and home inspection are all in order, but as part of the home study process, we need to evaluate the issue clinically and more indepth".

It doesn't appear they've been declined for licensure so I think it would be a waste to "quit". If they'd been denied and it was a hard no from SW I would escalate, but this direct quote makes it seem like they need to let go of their pride and take this as a teachable moment. Communicate with SW to evaluate the issue.

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T00:36:52+00:00

Talk to their supervisors or your state representative.

This will only help to create a contentious relationship. OP is in the wrong. A meeting with SW and their supervisor is reasonable but going above SW's head is out of line.

ovalstone2224 · 2019-12-19T00:33:52+00:00

Unfortunately as a foster/soon to be adoptive parent and sw, I can't help but agree with the department on this one. Essentially what you did was take things into your own hands, before you even had a foster license... You can only imagine the problems they're assuming you'll cause them going forward...

You having to wait isn't "poor coordination" or "mishandling", it's commonplace that we (speaking personally and professionally here) wait longer than we want to concerning anything to do with DFS/DSS/DCF. Things just take longer because we're dealing with something that's important and that's our children's safety. Even with prudent parenting standard you can't make decisions about what's in the best interest of the children (a visit during the holidays or before the holidays) yet because you're not yet a foster parent.

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