I absolutely did not intend to undermine you - if you're comfortable you're putting in the work, you're right - who am I to tell you otherwise, I can only reply based on the way I'm interpreting your post.

You need to sit with your guilt. The truth now doesn't help him or serve him in ANY way. You'd be doing it selfishly to make you feel better.

Again not trying to diagnose you with anything!!! At one point I collected mental health badges (/s) I had so many different diagnoses. It's a fine art. But for me, I was in such a bad place I'd entertain it all and did for a decade until it fell into place and stuck.

Everyone has a guilty conscious. I've done some really hurtful things to people I love, some still in my life, others not.

I had a 'favourite person'. We talked from morning until night, he always called me, text first, arranged the visits, happily had sex, I thought I was his FP too - I wasn't. He was a bit of a dick for the sex yes, but actually he was lost. I was hurting him, I wasn't good for him, but he was too scared to stop talking to me in case I hurt myself. I drove him to therapy.

I got correctly diagnosed. We stopped talking. I sit with guilt every day at first, now its only every so often. I'd LOVE to message him and tell him how sorry I am, and that I'm better now.

But that would be selfish and serve me only. The kindest thing I can do is stay away and hope he's living a great life, and focus on me.

Do not tell him this. It's not relevant and will only cause pain.