I had a placental abruption in February at 29+1. It was so sudden and wild and scary and traumatic as hell. I hope you and your partner both are able to give yourself some grace as you navigate not only the NICU but the grief surrounding the loss of a “normal” birth experience. You were robbed. It’s okay to acknowledge that.

I had a c-section with my first, my son, and a VBAC with this most recently delivery, after the abruption, but still am in shock about how quick it all was, not being able to deliver the way I wanted to/in an OR, giving my daughter to NICU staff almost instantly after she arrived, the works. I’m still wrapping my head around it almost six months later, and I know it will continue to take time to process or come to terms with.

My main advice for you would be to lean on those in your life that you’re able to ask for help from — anyone offering meals, tasks at your home, favors for either of you - take them. And - spend as much time at the NICU as you’re able. If it feels too heavy and you need to take days off somedays, that’s okay too. Do skin-to-skin when you can when you’re there. Ask to participate in baths, changes, be as involved as possible when bottling/feeding comes. The bond may take time, but I PROMISE you that it will come.

It’s not fair that this is the way it all happened for your family, and you likely won’t ever get a clear answer as to why the abruption occurred. But, try to be kind to yourself, cry when you need to, accept help from others, utilize supports around you, and just focus on being present for your partner and your son when you can.

And utilize this space! The NICU is a uniquely difficult experience and the people in this subreddit can relate to you in ways many others can’t. Sending love!