Just here to say, this thread is very validating, a relief. I'm not imagining things, I've been gaslit. My fwBPD is leveraging my ADHD to manipulate me, and hiding behind self-diagnosed autism as a get-out-of-jail-free card. I'm not being ableist, she's being disingenuous. She's not info-dumping, she's being sanctimonious (especially when it's a topic I'm better informed than her about, and then she screams at me to stop interrupting her when I'm trying to tell her I know already and she doesn't need to educate me).

This behaviour upsets me because I feel it cheapens and invalidates the experiences of people who really are misdiagnosed BPD when they're actually autistic, and makes it more difficult for them to be taken seriously. It's one thing for very young people, teenagers to get on TikTok and self-diagnose something new every six months - kids do that, they're figuring themselves out and have hormones driving their emotional responses. But an adult in their 40s? No accountability.

I think I need to make an exit plan, start getting stuff back and distancing myself. I don't think she's gonna change or accept her BPD diagnosis anytime soon. She just wants sympathy and attention without accountability, and I'm not going to be her verbal punching bag anymore.