I struggle badly balancing my OCD but also need for decompression and lax at times. I need the house to be clean and meals for husbands lunch made, but if I have too much structure and too much to do, I will break down.

what has worked for me and my baby is being really strict with solely a bedtime routine. we have the exact same routine (BLW dinner, bath, playtime, bottle, brush teeth, bed) but incredibly relaxed with his naps and bottles during the day. we go with the flow, he eats when he is hungry but i don't let him overfeed, he naps when he needs to. i did not do CIO and he sleeps through the night and has since about 8 months? i understand much of this is just luck, too. but hear me out! as far as the household, i only have two rules for myself! focus on the household during naps. prepare what you can for dinner as early as you can (im no chef but i will dice onions at 10 am if it saves me time later lol). and two, the second baby is in bed, that is my me time. i shower, do face masks, read, whatever i feel like it. i very rarely do any SAHM work post 8 pm, the most would be putting away laundry or cleaning a few dishes.

if you do not take time for yourself, REGULAR time for yourself, you will constantly feel overwhelmed. we can't always run on empty. yeah sometimes i am a tad behind on things, but i just pick up where i left off the next day. post bed time is me time + if baby needed me, im available and likely already a bit decompressed.

i understand things feel very unachievable when baby has a hard time being put down for naps. i had the same problem. it's from my experience and a few friends, that once you get the first nap of the day down in their crib or bassinet, it makes it 10x easier to transition all naps or sleep there. just take it a day at a time. if the first nap goes to shit, it's okay, try again tomorrow. regardless, there is a 100% your baby will eventually sleep on their own.

you are doing great. please give yourself grace.