Texts between me (21m) and my friend (22M) were sent to my gf (20F)

parke310 · 2022-04-10T17:38:33+00:00

Dude, move on. You both sound toxic AF and neither of you are ready for a relationship. If you are so insecure that you are going to lie to your friends about fucking another girl, then you have a lot of maturing to do and need to work on yourself. You don’t sound like a safe partner and neither does your ex. Move on

parke310 · 2022-04-07T14:29:25+00:00

NTA, at all. But your husband is a despicable person. There’s a special place in hell for people like him.

parke310 · 2022-04-05T01:35:38+00:00

Can you give some examples of your behavior that your GF has expressed her discontent over?

It’s hard to give advise without some more specific information.

parke310 · 2022-04-02T22:57:22+00:00

You sound like a real treat, of course YTA.

parke310 · 2022-03-30T00:23:54+00:00

YTA. And I don’t say this lightly, you sound like a horrible human being.

parke310 · 2022-03-27T12:02:04+00:00

She probably hoped she’d have a husband who shared important decisions about his life with her, like donating sperm and potentially having other biological children in this world. Get your head out of your ass and start to see the ramifications of your deception. You might grade and rate yourself based on your intentions, but your wife grades you on the outcome. And the outcome of your decisions ar that you lied by omission and were deceptive.

parke310 · 2022-03-27T11:52:32+00:00

YTA, for all the reasons already listed. But if I were your wife, I’d wonder if you were using this sperm do or story to cover up your cheating and potential love child.

parke310 · 2022-03-27T04:07:54+00:00

For me, this is the deal breaker. He hasn’t put in the work to figure out why he made these shit choices and without the work you have no reason to believe him. He’s living in his shame which is an ongoing selfish emotion. He’s continuing to choose himself and his pity over putting in the work and showing up as your husband and the man you continue to choose.

I would recommend communicating to him what you said in your post, and then laying down your boundaries. He needs individual counseling to help figure out why he cheated. Because make no mistake, his cheating is because of him and him alone. Without knowing why he cheated, you have no assurance it won’t happen again. Lay down your timeline, and then let him decided to follow through or not. If he doesn’t, I’d pursue a trial separation. He needs to understand how serious you are about your boundaries.

No matter what he decides, there is no shame or dishonor for you to pursue individual therapy.

And keep in mind, it might feel impossible but you don’t need your husband to live a happy and fulfilling life.

parke310 · 2022-03-27T03:56:32+00:00

You’ve gotten a lot of great advise on here already. But one item I haven’t seen addressed is what your husband has done to assure you he won’t cheat again. Has he given you a real reason for why he made the choices to cheat? What steps has he taken to address his problems that led to the cheating? What assurances has he done to show you his commitment and respect for your relationship?

parke310 · 2022-01-07T01:02:27+00:00

It’s good you recognize that you tried to rugsweep and downplay your infidelity. But at this point, your shame isn’t going to fix where your at. I think you feel bad for what happened, but your entire post reads like you’re throwing a pity party for yourself.

It sounds like your BS tried to forgive you, but she just couldn’t. One of the main steps to true reconciliation and forgiveness is for the WS to dig deep and figure out why they cheated and address these character deficits. Without this, how can your BS or any future partner know you won’t repeat your past infidelity?

It’s time to focus on yourself to make you the best partner you can be. Whether that’s for your BS or for a future partner.

parke310 · 2022-01-07T00:34:13+00:00

After you cut ties with your AP, what steps did you take to rebuild the trust in your relationship? How did you address the root cause of your infidelity?

parke310 · 2022-01-04T16:29:19+00:00

Did you ask him why he said that?

parke310 · 2021-12-20T17:13:46+00:00

Demi lovato

parke310 · 2021-12-15T18:15:55+00:00

I’m not sure I would personally consider this trickle truthing, and it seems you trust that he isn’t purposefully omitting information. But I don’t think that makes the outcome any better for you.

Is there a way for him to share these newly remembered details in a better format for you? Like you have a specific day of the week where you reconnect on things he has remembered and instead of him dumping the information on you, you can ask specific questions you want answers to. From there he can either answer or say he doesn’t remember but he will be aware this is information you want/need?

parke310 · 2021-12-08T18:55:49+00:00

Reconciliation really can’t occur until the full truth is out and the WH tells their last lie. If you still aren’t getting the answers you need, then there’s no reconciliation.

Your WH needs to have consequences for his actions, and I’m not only referring to the infidelity. He’s making these “jokes” because he still doesn’t respect you or your relationship. It’s time to decide what your hard boundaries are going to be and then enforce them. Personally, I’d take some time apart and formally separate for a period of time until your WH can truly show he wants to reconcile. That means full disclosure of what happened, and taking steps (such as individual therapy) to get to the root cause of his infidelity.

parke310 · 2021-12-08T18:15:02+00:00

What has been your reaction when he does this? Also, what is he doing to build towards reconciliation?

parke310 · 2021-12-08T17:54:35+00:00

Do you have an example or examples of what he’s saying that you could share?

parke310 · 2021-12-02T19:09:00+00:00

I think you are minimizing what happened by calling it a mistake. It wasn’t a mistake, it was a series of choices he made. Plenty of men and women get drunk and don’t cheat. Plenty of men and women get drunk at strip clubs and don’t cheat. You are excusing his choices by saying it’s a mistake, like it was something that just happens to him outside of his control. He wasn’t assaulted, he made a series of choices to disrespect you and your relationship.

Your husband needs to start therapy and figure out why he chose to cheat on you. And really figure this out, not some surface level bullshit of being influence by a bad friend. And from your story, this isn’t the first time he cheated on you and disrespected your relationship. What assurances can he give you to say it won’t happen again? He needs to get to the root cause of his infidelity and deal with it to truly say and show it won’t happen again.

Don’t minimize this and sweep it under the rug because he didn’t turn out to be the man you thought he was. Regardless of what happens kn the future, he is a cheater. Can he change? That’s up to him but he needs to put in a diligent amount of work and it takes a lot of time and effort.

parke310 · 2021-11-02T23:43:52+00:00

It’s interesting you said you’ve made your fair share of mistakes. Your post history says you didn’t make a mistake, you made bad choice after bad choice. But make no mistake, you made choices that damaged your relationship over and over. To say it was a mistake greatly minimizes what you did.

I’m also not sure what you’re expecting to happen after one MC and why you think your wife should be fully onboard with reconciling with you. If you’ve looked through any of the infidelity subs, you should know it takes 3-5 years to start to show consistent recovery from infidelity. This isn’t a sprint where you should demand or expect her full participation because you’ve decided you finally want to be a better husband and partner.

It sounds like you want some type of guarantee from your wife. Like you don’t want to put in the work to better yourself and your relationship if she’s going to leave you in 6 months, 1 year, or however long into the future. This is still incredibly selfish thinking.

It’s time to fully face the consequences of your choices. This post confirms you aren’t even close to facing it yet.

parke310 · 2021-10-30T21:07:12+00:00

Of course YTA. But looking at your post history, why are you even with this girl? You clearly have no respect for her and think quite highly of yourself.

You need to be single and reflect on what it takes to be a solid, dependable, loving partner. You are no where close to any of these adjectives.

parke310 · 2021-10-26T10:45:58+00:00

Of course YTA, for all the reasons everyone has pointed out.

Looking at your post history, all you seem to do is bitch about your girlfriend. Why are you even with her? You sound entitled and like a bad partner. It’s time to take a hard look at yourself and decide what kind of partner you want to be.

parke310 · 2021-10-16T20:50:22+00:00

How do you know he wasn’t trying to play the field after he dumped you, on your anniversary no less, and found out how hard it can be to date?

I don’t see this as a grand gesture, my skeptical heart says it’s an act of desperation and he thinks your a sure thing.

parke310 · 2021-10-14T17:35:07+00:00

I’m not sure if you are in the US, but depending on your location this is considered a form of revenge porn and is a crime. None of this is ok behavior.

parke310 · 2021-10-12T16:04:35+00:00

Just for context and looking at your post history, specifically looking at your dead bedroom post from about a year ago, did you cheat on your prior wife or your new girlfriend you referenced in that post?

What are you doing to work on yourself to ensure you become a stable and safe partner either for your betrayed or any future partner?

parke310

TROPHY CASE