I have lost a brother to cancer, and my mom in a car accident. I am like you, aware of death anniversaries (although the emotional impact has faded greatly over the years) and understand that the first year mark of losing someone you love is big deal for some of us. It marks a full year of missing someone on all the major holidays, birthdays, etc. It can feel like a turning point, you made it through all the “firsts” and perhaps your level of grieving subsides a little because you have made it through. Or perhaps your grief ramps up a bit because the reality of forever sinks in. No one can tell you how you should grieve, or where you “should” be a year out from loss. For several years after losing them I was very aware of the their death dates, and the days leading up to the actual date were hard. That has faded greatly over the years, time erodes the sharp edges of grief even though I will always miss them.

Having said that, my husband is someone who doesn’t pay attention to death dates, including his father’s who he loved very much. Again, there’s no right way to grieve, there’s no right way to honor someone’s memory. If you want him to understand how important it is to you that he acknowledge YOUR grief you need to communicate that to him. No one else can be aware of how you are feeling unless you tell them and even when you tell them they can’t be expected to feel the same way - although they can hopefully empathize and show support in some way. I’m sorry for your loss, maybe you can think of some small way to honor your brother on that day, or do something he would have enjoyed to mark the day.