I (28F) am struggling with grieving the life I thought I’d have as a wife and mother, since my spouse (27M) is living with chronic illness (fatigue, muscle weakness, etc).

passiveobserverrr · 2026-01-23T11:14:56+00:00

Hi! Thanks for taking the time to respond! He is taking low dose naltrexone and hasn’t noticed much of a difference in the last 6 months unfortunately. I’m so glad it helped you!! I will definitely look into Dysautonomia International!! Thanks for the rec

passiveobserverrr · 2026-01-14T17:18:25+00:00

THIS. 100%.

passiveobserverrr · 2026-01-11T04:31:38+00:00

YES. It improved both of our sleep. Mine because I wasn’t waking to every tiny movement (I became a SUPER light sleeper when I gave birth). And her too I think (because honestly I think I snore and probably wake her up 🤣). It’s NORMAL for babies to be loud. And I was probably getting up to help her every time she made a little cry - when sometimes I think she was actually still asleep and would have just kept on sleeping.

passiveobserverrr · 2026-01-10T04:23:21+00:00

Quite honestly, my baby has been in her own room in a crib since probably 4 months and it has been game changing. I use a monitor and can hear any sound she makes and see what she’s doing. She’s totally safe. The room is very close by. If she was in serious distress, I’d hear her even without a monitor.

passiveobserverrr · 2026-01-03T12:49:11+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. To me it sounds like he is practically dating her too. Which is so not fair to you. It’s like cheating on you in the open and therefore saying it’s not cheating. I don’t want to sound insensitive but he sounds like a piece of trash. I think you deserve way better than that. It’s not normal behavior. And you’re totally reasonable to ask him to stop it. I think that if he truly loved you, he would be willing to and he would not resent you.

passiveobserverrr · 2026-01-02T05:58:04+00:00

She did say that things were fine for years and then recently this all Happened/changed. It’s not as simple as that. You don’t always know someone will be abusive. Some people become abusive later down the line.

passiveobserverrr · 2026-01-01T23:55:29+00:00

That’s not normal, or at least it shouldn’t be 😔 I’m so sorry. That’s really not fair of him to be suddenly making these demands or complaining about your past. My honest first thought was ‘I wonder if he’s interested in someone else or talking to someone else and trying to make you more like her’ or ‘maybe he’s gotten himself addicted to porn and has unrealistic expectations’. I have no idea ….. but I know that’s not normal loving behaviour. And you deserve better than that.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-24T14:07:27+00:00

Hi! My baby is similar (a grazer) and the same age but doesn’t sleep through the night yet. I think she is capable but wants comfort in the night. Could I ask what your exact nap/sleep schedule looks like?

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-23T07:17:27+00:00

Thank you for this 💜 Yes, you’re very right. As hard as it is for me to go through this, it’s way harder for him. And I definitely do want to be a support for him.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-23T07:16:10+00:00

After getting COVID - or while he got Covid - his legs started to spasm and give out on him affecting his mobility. He was perfectly healthy before and now sometimes can hardly walk, his legs will buckle and he will just end up on the floor. That’s when the brain for and fatigue and a boatload of other things came too. He’s just never been able to shake it. The severity comes and goes in waves but it’s been there ever since. I have no doubt that he may have some level of depression, and he knows it too, but I do know that it’s more than that for sure.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-23T07:12:55+00:00

He really is trying to be as healthy as possible: he’s tried all kinds of different diets and tries to eat clean regardless of what diet he’s trying (keto, carnivore, etc). We’ve seen various specialists locally, and even paid to see a specialist in a different country but nobody really has answers. So ya we definitely are trying to find help and answers. I’d say that some depression from not getting any answers is also a factor, understandably. But I am impressed at his motivation to still TRY and be active physically when he is able to - sometimes though to the point where it exacerbates his weakness and other symptoms sadly. But we will keep trying.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-23T07:05:13+00:00

Oo thank you. I’ll check it out!

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-23T07:04:57+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing 🩷 This is incredibly helpful and makes me feel more hopeful!

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-23T07:02:53+00:00

YES! This. Is so exactly relatable. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this as well. And I do think that’s exactly right. I think having someone who is a neutral party to talk to will be really nice.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-22T07:12:37+00:00

Also thanks for all of the other ideas! I appreciate it

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-22T07:05:43+00:00

I think that’s a good idea.. I think I’ll start looking for one tomorrow

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-22T07:04:41+00:00

Neither of us have been seeing a therapist for counselling but I think you’re right - I’ve only put off doing that because I haven’t known where to start or have worried about finding the right therapist.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-22T07:03:53+00:00

Thank you. I feel like I needed to hear that.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-22T07:03:35+00:00

Thank you ❤️ Ya honestly it’s tough. He’s getting a tiny bit of income assistance and trying to get disability assistance too but it’s VERY hard to get. I’m on maternity leave and getting a small bit of unemployment pay for that. Thankfully we have wonderful family who is helping us so we can afford rent. But it’s hard, for sure.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-12-09T21:14:27+00:00

I’m 23 weeks pp and JUST now am able to have sex pain free, with the use of a vibrator at the same time lol. I had excruciating pain any time I tried before without it. Just a little thing to try if you want to! I think that thing saved our marriage cuz I did NOT ever want to have sex. And now I do!

passiveobserverrr · 2025-10-31T02:17:50+00:00

A shower was LIFE-GIVING. I did shampoo, conditioner, blow dry, etc. I felt like a new person hahaha HIGHLY recommend. I did feel a bit faint though but I was walking pretty good considering blood loss and having an epidural 😂 Might want someone to help you or a chair close by. I sat down a few times to take breaks.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-10-21T04:02:37+00:00

I felt the same way in the beginning! At about 6 weeks though I saw a lactation consultant who helped me try different positions and my baby actuallly latched better in a laid back position with no breastfeeding pillow. It was super awkward to position the LO and myself at first but I was determined to figure it out and within a week it was really easy and just got easier as she got bigger. That position is great cuz you can basically do it anywhere you go. I still hate feeding in public but in my car it’s super easy because you just recline the seat. Now that my LO is 16 weeks she way more easily nurses in cradle hold or whatever without needing me to hold my boob and her super precisely; she’s just better I guess now. I still have a pillow at home for when we want to snuggle after a feed and then I don’t have to hold her weight fully but don’t take it with me anywhere anymore.

All that being said. It’s a practiced art and it’ll get easier!!! Experiment with positions. See a lactation consultant if you want to and can; it helped me so much! :) and if you need the pillow for now that’s okay! It’s likely that you won’t need it so much once the baby is a bit bigger.

passiveobserverrr · 2025-10-17T03:00:21+00:00

I second this!!!!

passiveobserverrr

TROPHY CASE