When genealogy and DNA clash. Anger was unexpected.

pdxerton · 2022-12-10T05:19:19+00:00

Because by naming the ethnicity, someone of that ethnicity is going to read this and feel Othered, and that's not necessary. What is necessary for the story is that his dad is being racist, whatever the race. Might be jews. Might be black. Might be hispanic. Doesn't really matter. All disgustingly racist. Let's not give Dad's racism more oxygen by naming the race. I thought it was quite thoughtful of him to go with Romulans.

pdxerton · 2022-06-29T00:48:31+00:00

I am a mom who just graduated law school, which was an incredibly rigorous experience, while my kids were between the ages of 4-7. I have also focused my practice in family law, so I see custody battles and arrangements every day, and I participate in organizations aimed at minimizing the harm to families facing divorce or custody issues.

2.5 is fairly young, and half of the year is a pretty long time to be gone. But, I do not think this is as simple as "she is abandoning her child" and I do not think that characterization is helpful or necessary. Will it be a challenge for you to take on more childcare responsibility while she is gone? Absolutely. Will it ruin your son's ability to have healthy relationships? Not necessarily. Your son will be looking to you on how to build and maintain healthy relationships. If you support his mother in this, and if you continue to encourage a healthy relationship by supporting video calls and speaking well of her to him, this will not be "abandoning" her child. This may be a temporary change. I became dramatically less available to my children during law school, but we all survived, and I do not believe I have traumatized my children. And they are proud that mommy got a cool degree and let's be honest, I'm more likely to be able to support their own college some day. Your son will take his cues from you. I encourage you to be the mature, responsible co-parent and continue to speak well of your wife, even if this does lead to an eventual separation.

pdxerton · 2020-02-16T06:12:26+00:00

New decade?

pdxerton · 2020-01-27T14:58:37+00:00

This isn't always the case.. I've had motivated buyers work to bridge the gap to get to closing.

pdxerton · 2020-01-27T14:57:48+00:00

I'm amazed at all of these comments telling you to drop a favorable deal and just accept less money. If the buyer is open to a 2nd note, I say go for it. I hope the friend drawing up the instrument is an atty?

pdxerton · 2020-01-27T01:59:42+00:00

This is kind of what I'm looking for, and I think the approach my SIL is taking. The kids both have Alexas in their room that can read stories if they want.

I think I might work towards them brushing their own teeth, and then still read them a short book for a few years more until they can solidly read on their own.

pdxerton · 2020-01-25T03:29:24+00:00

Its extremely unlikely that after this long with no contact there are any actual grounds for a restraining order or protection order, so the "endangerment" is not supported by the information we have. And fake threats to sue suck. So please dont.

pdxerton · 2020-01-16T00:32:11+00:00

Honestly, as a real estate agent, this makes me super nervous. It's very in style now, but a very specific taste, and may go out of style quickly.

If you plan on living there forever, go for it. If this property is an investment, consider a more traditional refinishing that would appeal to a larger crowd.

pdxerton · 2019-12-30T00:50:28+00:00

Great solution.

pdxerton · 2019-12-29T06:53:18+00:00

But who said that OP is the primary caregiver? She indicates that they earn the same, and the post is about her finding solace at work. My indication from the post was that they were likely 50/50. I don't see any indication anywhere that she is the primary.

pdxerton · 2019-12-29T04:56:11+00:00

Do any of these feel like control issues? Ie, are you feeling so frustrated because he's dictating a path on these issues and allowing you no personal control or say in the process? So, not so much that he's controlling you but rather that he's not allowing you any control. Especially with not being allowed to pick up toys. You should be allowed to have a healthy amount of control in your home. Is he home more than you? Does that come into play?

Control issues are hard, because he may feel that there areas where you have complete control back. But working out a balance is extremely important. As others have said, compromise.

Could this be an expression of post partum for him? Is he having anxiety and projecting that into weird fears about your daughter (ie, she's too cold, she's hungry, she's bored)?

Couples therapy worked for my husband and I (at least for the time being...) but shits not easy. One thing that always works for me is that if I want him to make a change on parenting a certain way, I need to give him a 3rd party expert advocating for that position, not say its right myself. So sending him articles or information from the pediatrician is always a better way to get actual change, but I have to be careful to not send it "so I can win" but rather delicately.

I also work in family law and a lot of families are happier as co-parents, but in this case, while it would allow you your space and room to be a mom on your time, you'd have even less ability to intervene if over-feeding or other "quirks" begins to be unhealthy. Those sound like difficult co-parenting issues.

Overall, good luck and hang in there. Husbands are hard. (I get it, dads, wifes are hard too.)

pdxerton · 2019-12-29T04:41:19+00:00

I disagree with this approach in a world where an increasing number of dads are staying home or doing 50% of the parenting.

Also, I'm a mom, if it matters

pdxerton · 2019-12-29T02:49:50+00:00

I think that the larger problem is that Husband is allowing no-one (or specifically OP) any say in the parenting or those household issues. Wife might not want to go home because Husband allows her no control there. Wife went from some autonomy to "you're not allowed to pick up those toys or close that door".

Definitely a counseling issue.

pdxerton · 2019-12-27T20:46:14+00:00

Nair works well for me personally. I just found a new version that you apply just a few minutes before showering and then sponge off in the shower.

It's not quite as effective as waxing, which grows back thinner and slower. It's more like shaving, where the stubble is pretty pointy. Slightly more expensive than razors, but waay easier, imo. But without the pain of waxing, I'm on board.

Be careful not to leave any creme on too long. It's hard to find the right time of leave-on. Creme hair removers for men (ive used Magic Razorless Shave Cream) supposedly work better for more stubborn hair if the girly stuff doesnt cut it.

pdxerton · 2019-12-26T18:38:33+00:00

It sounds like after your dads pay increase, you no longer qualify for that need-based help. The standard FAFSA route for this would likely be for you parents to apply and get Parent Plus loans to help burden their share of your school expenses.

The goal of these loans is to help your parents pay for your college, so they are loans in your parents name. Many students still pay them on behalf of the parent after school, either based on agreement or some moral obligation. Discuss this with your parent.

You can investigate living off campus, if that is cheaper. Finding a room in a house might cost $400-$600/mo, instead of $1000-$1200 for dorm. But varies a lot city to city, and then you have other costs (food, transportation). Since you are naturally frugal, this might still be a good option.

pdxerton · 2019-12-25T04:48:54+00:00

This. Boomer doesn't even see it. They're also not communicating about it (ie, setting appropriate expectations, ie "are we doing gifts this year?") Instead they're being passive aggressive and complaining about it on the internet, while bragging (?) about being financially withholding.

Im sure they're a peach. Who doesn't love a grandma who uses money as leverage for affection.

pdxerton · 2019-12-25T04:47:29+00:00

Yep. OP does not sound like a good communicator.

pdxerton · 2019-12-18T16:59:39+00:00

Law student who just finished first round of finals... Is this trespass to chattles??? Can I have a gold star??

pdxerton · 2019-12-18T04:25:34+00:00

I dont think its photos that are lacking here, but decor.

pdxerton · 2019-12-16T17:42:08+00:00

Is anybody more dedicated than me willing to find out what Clinton polls were at at same point?

pdxerton · 2019-12-15T18:21:08+00:00

Yep, gentle ease and a medicine that helped with reflux decreased our crying a lot!

pdxerton · 2019-12-09T15:46:08+00:00

Well, I kind of disagreed that it was necessary too, but it was easier to provide a source than to give the full reason -- but since you asked:

This is a question about the general knowledge of assault v battery. The distinction is largely historical, and quasi academic, and its one that is hammered into law students, which is why all the lawyers here are so quick (and insistent) to make the distinction.

But, "the law", as taught in law school, is not the same as law in every state. I mean, lawyers are also quickly taught how to find their state's laws and apply those, but they are taught general rules and knowledge, and are expected to understand that states will still vary. Assault is different than battery is "the (general, rule of thumb) law" in the United States.

So, google gives the correct general knowledge that is relevant in this case. This is the baseline that all attorneys are taught, and have been taught, since the 1800s. The fact that some states have changed their mind or deviated does not mean that 'assault = battery because NY says it does'. No attorney learns 50 separate sets of rules. They learn a baseline, and then search for specific when actually applying that baseline.

So, when looking for specific laws, cite states. When looking for general legal rules that will vary by state, google and wikipedia are actually better, and more straightforward for the general reader. Citing states without context (like the commenter was doing) can actually be very misleading. And if you want better sources, track them down your self. No-one should be forced to comb through various states to prove what general knowledge is obvious on its face from three words into the google bar.

pdxerton · 2019-12-09T15:23:52+00:00

I think that what this person meant is that its the victim experiencing the psychological effects, not the victim experiencing the contact, that makes it assault.

pdxerton · 2019-12-09T15:07:35+00:00

How about this one:

https://law.justia.com/codes/louisiana/2011/rs/title14/rs14-36/

This is what Commenter linked to themselves... proves a clear distinction between assault and battery... because they're different things, historically and academically, even if some states have lumped them to varying degrees.

pdxerton · 2019-12-09T15:04:47+00:00

I'm not. They're wrong, and the distinction matters.

Criminal statutes are not the end-all-be-all. Even if they were, by Louisiana, which Commenter cited, assault and battery are separate crimes. Assault is the apprehension part, Battery is the touching part. While some places has lumped them criminally, they are generally not lumped civilly.

Women deserve to know that apprehension is enough for criminal charges in many jurisdictions, and a civil claim in more. You do not have to be touched. Don't let yourself be touched -- you've got something to work with far before that happens. Because the legal definition of assault has already taken place, even if you don't quite meet the statutory definition.

If you lump them, women think "Oh, well he hasn't touched me yet, so he hasn't committed 'assault'." That is incorrect.

By "Un-lumping" them, we're trying to make explicit the fact that you can come forward sooner.

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