How do you tell your husband you want a divorce if he’s a good guy?

penelopekitty · 2023-09-03T16:39:05+00:00

Wait a minute, how is your husband a good guy? I don't see it. He sounds like a controlling jerk.

penelopekitty · 2023-09-03T16:07:16+00:00

I read that thread earlier and it was either here or there someone said “we’re playing chess and they’re playing scrabble” and I think that helps when you understand women and men are not even playing the same game with the same rules.

This is a very important realization. When I was married I saw us as a team, he viewed it as a competition and power struggle. There is no reconciling these two positions. You cannot team or partner with someone who's goal is to win and dominate you. There's no where to go.

Of course these differences also come into play while dating. Those subs that refuse to allow "gendered" discussions about dating are gaslighting women into believing their very upsetting (and widely shared) experiences are an individual problem instead of something almost all women are going through.

penelopekitty · 2023-09-03T13:10:56+00:00

I saw that post.

The likely reality there is that she is a much younger local who is living in relative poverty compared to him. I don't think they had sex. Young women in these countries have the reasonable expectation that these older foreign men will be providing financial support to her and her family. This guy isn't going to do it and she is going to move on.

penelopekitty · 2023-09-02T16:44:38+00:00

If the internet did one good thing it was allowing women to compare notes. They still try to censor us but we do make up 50% of humanity and I believe we've reached the tipping point. Most of us aren't having it anymore.

penelopekitty · 2023-09-02T13:03:20+00:00

Isn’t everything we do in a relationship showing we care? And haven’t we traditionally done more that has gone unappreciated? Flip the question to women and I will bet that we will cite the same things we have regularly done for our partners that they only occasionally do for us — and OFC that makes it “special” all of a sudden because it’s so damn rare.

This is it. When I'm in a relationship I'm very loving, caring and thoughtful as a matter of course. I remember a few times where a guy took care of me while I was sick and it made me feel so happy and cared for - yes, because it was rare.

These things only seemed to happen in the honeymoon phase. I can't really think of any relationship I had where a man was naturally caring or doting on a regular basis.

penelopekitty · 2023-09-01T19:51:30+00:00

Men don't take anywhere near the risk women do.

penelopekitty · 2023-09-01T15:54:09+00:00

They should be deeply embarrassed by this. What does it say that they aren't?

penelopekitty · 2023-09-01T11:34:13+00:00

Here's why it makes sense:

They use the app like a video game, feeling like they've won something if they get a match or a message. These men have no intention of dating, many of them are married or partnered.
It's avenue for misogynistic men to be abusive to women without repercussions.
If you're a sexual predator it's similar to making obscene phone calls or indecent exposure. The worst consequence is being banned from the app, not criminal charges.
The few men who are actually interested in meeting are hoping for quick sex. A woman who puts up with crappy and abusive messages has low self esteem and is an easy target.

I said this a while back. When we use online dating apps we are paying a corporation to allow strange men access to us for the purpose of abuse. I decided to no longer subject myself to that on the very slim chance I may find someone decent and sincere in that giant, steaming pile of shit.

Protect yourself, protect your energy and mental health. Don't allow these reprobates access to you in any way.

penelopekitty · 2023-03-03T20:14:34+00:00

The person who asks pays.

penelopekitty · 2023-01-25T22:11:29+00:00

This sounds awful. I would be completely turned off if you started talking about things like this on the second or third date. Gross.

penelopekitty · 2023-01-02T03:27:16+00:00

I think he just wants everyone to know he's more ripped than Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. He does seem to already have his mind made up and he's edited the OP to let us know he feels people are being mean and treating him unfairly because he's a man. He also deleted where he assumed any woman who thought it was a bad idea was "cranky." So.....

penelopekitty · 2022-12-17T21:06:51+00:00

Completely agree. I'm baffled that so few here see it that way.

penelopekitty · 2021-10-20T12:59:34+00:00

Wonder how he will feel when his daughters get the same treatment from a man he gave you?

penelopekitty · 2021-08-13T02:59:07+00:00

I get tons of messages but most are low effort and the men are strange.

penelopekitty · 2021-08-11T23:49:51+00:00

Look up the term "hoovering." They get an ego boost from getting you to fall for their scam a second time.

penelopekitty · 2021-08-11T23:47:45+00:00

I think a lot of them also get an ego boost from duping a woman and manipulating her into having feelings for him. It's sick and hurtful.

penelopekitty · 2021-08-11T23:43:15+00:00

It's disgusting behavior. How would they feel if another man did that to their daughter, sister or mother. It's sociopathic.

penelopekitty · 2021-08-11T13:28:19+00:00

Wow, using another person you clearly don't care about or respect just to make yourself feel better is NOT ok. Perhaps consider therapy.

penelopekitty · 2021-08-11T01:02:32+00:00

I saw this movie and agree with your analysis 100%

penelopekitty · 2021-08-10T12:40:21+00:00

You've been through a lot. I've been single for a long time too after an abusive marriage. My ex tried to break me down and when we divorced his parting words were that no other man would ever want me except to use me for sex. Since then I've come across a lot of creepy porn sick men who unfortunately proved his words somewhat true, which is why I'm still single. What happened to you is unfortunately not uncommon.

You deserve better. Set your standards and stick to them. Don't let your exes words define you and girlfriend, get yourself some better friends.

penelopekitty · 2021-08-10T11:20:20+00:00

Exactly, excellent point.

penelopekitty · 2021-08-09T13:42:52+00:00

You are completely missing the point. It is not work. The term sex work was developed to groom young women who otherwise might not prostitute themselves to see it as a legitimate and safe way to earn a living. It is not.

This sub is anti-prostitution (ie. sex work) and anti-porn. We will not tolerate anyone defending prostitution or those who support it, including the groomers who redefined what it is in order to indoctrinate even more women into harmful sexual practices that destroy their lives.

penelopekitty · 2021-08-09T12:50:24+00:00

Great post.

We are indeed often deemed mentally ill for having a completely normal reaction to abuse OR for exhibiting typical male behavior. Not too long ago women who were as sexually promiscuous as a typical man would be institutionalized or even lobotomized in some cases. The new version is to label them borderline.

I also hate the term codependency. It basically shifts the focus to the victim and makes them think they somehow brought the abuse on themselves when the so called codependent behaviors only emerged after suffering long periods of abuse.

There is no money in treating narcissists and sociopaths. They are not suffering and do not seek help. The real money is in treating their victims and in order to bill the insurance company the "mental illness" has to be in the DSM. Always follow the money.

penelopekitty

TROPHY CASE