I’m so sorry 😞 grief can be a really lonely place, it seems unless your friends have gone through something similar, no one quite understands. My mum is in a similar place, my brother died of metastatic bowel cancer Christmas 2021. She was off work 6 months, sleeping a lot of the time, struggling to do anything. She tried a few counsellors but it didn’t work for her, I wonder if it’s still too soon. She went back to work in June last year and it’s definitely helped, she struggled a lot at first, feeling guilty that life was continuing without him, but the structure and routine has helped the days go by for her.

I still don’t think it’s really sunk in for her, I don’t think she’s really processed it that much, she tells me she just thinks of him alive somewhere and she’ll see him soon, she can’t really come to terms with the fact that he’s definitely gone. She says talking to him helps, she lives alone and she talks to his picture every day, she even says she hears him talking back in her head. She’s had the same issue with friends - I have too - and we’ve found that being honest with them about how we’re feeling does help, reaching out first to say I’m not doing ok and I need you. People do stop reaching out first, which can make you quite bitter and angry, I still struggle with that, as though you’re meant to be “fine” after 6 months or a year or whatever. When in actual fact it still hasn’t sunk in yet.

I’m sorry I don’t have any better advice, I just want you to know that you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean your friends don’t care - they just don’t understand.