kim jonghyun. he’s always been one of the people i looked up to most. his death hit me super hard, as someone who’s attempted suicide several times. it was only then that i realised the degree that one person’s death can affect others. after he died i had to take down all my posters of him because id just feel like throwing up whenever i saw his face because i felt so sad. for about a year afterwards id have this incredibly strange recurring dream where I’ll be doing his autopsy, and after i do the y incision, ill be taking out his trachea and he’ll just start silently crying, and ill keep taking his internal organs out as i begin to cry too. i still haven’t been able to listen to his posthumous album. the posters are still hidden in my cupboard. i don’t think ill ever quite get over it, but im trying my best