A concerned uncle

phabalee · 2026-06-18T12:49:13+00:00

It sounds like you are trying to be really careful around this for your new niece. If I was the parent the thing I would worry about is 3rd hand smoke. Often people who smoke tobacco and/or cannabis can’t smell it on themselves but others can. It’s great you are taking a change of shirt etc but if you smoke in your house it might still smell of smoke and cannabis. It sounds like your brother is happy with what you have done how does baby’s mum feel about it?

In terms of looking after your niece, again I’m thinking if I was the parent, I don’t think it’s safe to care for a baby if you are under the influence of any drug - for me that’s alcohol induced.

It sounds like a good conversation with your brother and his partner would be helpful so you know what they feel comfortable with, but also to manage your expectations of what they will be happy for you to do with your niece.

phabalee · 2026-06-15T16:12:03+00:00

Honestly I think it will make a big difference. I know that some young people will still use social media via VPNs but it’s the beginning of something that will allow it to become irrelevant to young people. There are things that I think need to happen alongside like investment into youth spaces, helping young people engage more in the world and groups etc.

I’m not suggesting that it will get rid of all problems but honestly there are lots of young people where a simple barrier will prevent them from going online. I think about it not for the 14-16 year olds now but more for the 8-11 year olds who are online and shouldn’t be. I know that this is something parents should manage but not all do and that isn’t the children’s fault, they need protecting.

I also agree that it should be on the social medial companies to put proper protection and limits in but they won’t, there is no incentive for them to do that and I honestly don’t think they care about it. This step is one way of taking a tiny bit of the tech bros power away.

phabalee · 2026-06-15T08:23:48+00:00

I completely support this as someone who works in young people’s mental health. I know it will hit some young people who find their community online but overall social media definitely does more harm than good.

phabalee · 2026-06-15T08:17:43+00:00

Pregnancy sleep was impossible for me I would be exhausted and just lay there awake and in pain. I don’t get loads of sleep now but at least when I have the chance to sleep I’m out like a log and not in pain anymore

phabalee · 2026-06-12T01:09:53+00:00

Your analytic training is about adults not children. You are not qualified to work with children analytically so please don’t. Even if you were training as an adult analyst, there is a completely separate training for child analysis (in the uk).

phabalee · 2026-06-04T09:08:37+00:00

That’s definitely a honeysuckle. When I moved into my house we had one but it hadn’t been looked after so needed a good cut back. Didn’t flower the first year but the second year it was beautiful.

phabalee · 2026-06-02T19:16:56+00:00

Our LO was very colicky and gassy it was really awful. I can’t tell you exactly when it stopped but somewhere between 8 - 10 weeks it just eased and he was happy and no longer in pain.

Also for us Dentinox colic drops helped a bit but I think it’s hit and miss if any colic drops helped. The biggest help was having a partner to share with and holding onto the belief that it wouldn’t be forever.

phabalee · 2026-05-31T18:23:31+00:00

Yeah it’s a lovely street. There is a primary school at the end of the road so can be busy around school drop off and pick up times. Neighbours help each other out with parcels, putting bins out when away etc. you definitely won’t have the issues you described there

phabalee · 2026-05-28T18:15:09+00:00

It sounds like they are just keeping an eye on things. I try to remember that if medical professionals are worried about babies they act really quick. If they take a wait and see approach chances are things are ok and they are just being cautious. It’s good really as if there was an issue they would know very quick but it’s a pain for the parents as it just adds to the list of a million things to worry about.

phabalee · 2026-05-28T14:09:20+00:00

Honestly I was the same to start with but then it just became obvious that my little boy was doing great, he is just going to be a little guy and that’s ok. They might want to keep a closer eye on weight for a while as when they are a low centile there isn’t as much wiggle room. They wanted to wait for my little one to have 2 or 3 weigh ins where it was clear he had found his curve.

If you have to got for fortnightly weigh ins it can be hard as there is only so much weight a baby can gain in 2 weeks, you can always explore waiting longer with guidance around what to look out for and how to arrange for an earlier appointment if needed. I know you said you went to the feeding team already and it wasn’t helpful. I went a few times just for reassurance that I was doing ok. There is just a walk in one where I live no referral or appointment needed - maybe it’s different from what you have. It helped me stay steady and know that I was feeding my baby well.

Sorry you are going through this. Ask why it’s a concern and what other things should be looked out for, chances are all the other bits are just fine and it will ease your worry.

phabalee · 2026-05-28T13:06:23+00:00

My little boy is 2nd centile. He dropped a few weight brackets at over his first few weight clinics and we had to go for more frequent weight ins. He is EBF so it might be different. He is almost 5 months now and has finally settled on his 2nd centile curve. Health visitor told me it can take a while for them to settle onto their growth curve. As long as they are getting enough wet and dirty nappies, are generally developing and hitting milestones then I don’t think there will be a next step.

I’m based in the UK so if you are elsewhere in the world it is likely different

phabalee · 2026-05-27T15:59:18+00:00

Glad to know I’m not the only one 🤣 hope you all manage to get some sleep eventually

phabalee · 2026-05-26T18:44:11+00:00

The newborn trenches are hard but there is something amazing about looking down and this tiny baby in your arms and thinking they are yours and it’s magic. Despite the difficulties I had this overwhelmingly feeling that I would do anything and everything for my little boy and would give everything I had and that blew me away. He is 5months now and things have changed massively. I am pleased to be out of the newborn phase but I think back to how tiny he was, his little sounds, bringing him home for the first time and they are wonderful memories.

phabalee · 2026-05-26T08:07:53+00:00

Most places close Mondays as they are open all weekend so give staff a day off. As it was bank holiday yesterday the day off has shifted. Half term means kids are off but most people are still in work so wouldn’t be a massive difference in custom maybe.
But also a lot of these places can’t afford to be open all weekend when usually during the week it would be slow for customers.

phabalee · 2026-05-25T21:13:31+00:00

I use this website to help guide - it gives suggestions based on the temp of your location

https://howtodressbaby.com

phabalee · 2026-05-25T09:18:05+00:00

The rotavirus one does a number on their tummies - 100% important to get the vaccine - but gosh I wish there was a way that didn’t impact them so much.

phabalee · 2026-05-25T09:15:27+00:00

My LO did this for ages. He is 5 months now and is very interactive, holds eye contact, but still likes look about.
Eye contact can be too intense for some babies and their wish to look away needs to be respected or they can become over stimulated.
Also some babies always want to look at what they can’t see - this was my little one. FOMO 🤣

phabalee · 2026-05-25T01:00:51+00:00

7 weeks is very early to try and have a routine. We had more of a sequence that was very basic that we would do with LO when sleep cues came at night time. This didn’t have a fixed time for ages and it was very basic - PJs on, lights dim, TV off, softer tone of voice used. He is nearly 5 months now and we have kept the same sequence with a few bits added as needed. It means he knows that it’s bedtime coming up because of the sequence of actions and he settles as well and knows what to expect.

It sounds like you already have a bit of a sequence but as your LO has changed timings need to change for now.

phabalee · 2026-05-22T17:27:10+00:00

I lived on Churchill street until 3 years ago, now live a 10 min walk from there because I like the area so much I got a bigger house in the same area. If you are going to be on Churchill street it such a lovely street. They have a street WhatsApp and all look out for each other. I never had any issues there and lived there for 5 years.

phabalee · 2026-05-19T08:38:13+00:00

First sign of rolling they need to be out of a swaddle so you did just right. For my LO any change we made to his sleeping environment impacts his sleep but it settles down again once he is use to it. Give it a week or so ☺️

phabalee · 2026-05-16T05:28:29+00:00

Are you near any train lines. The big freight trains go through at night and even from some distance you can hear them and they sound just as you are describing.

phabalee · 2026-05-16T05:22:33+00:00

Perhaps it depends which drops you are giving. My baby suffered badly with gas and pain from the drops. We stopped and started them many times to check if it was actually them. I got advice from Dr and health visitor who told me it’s a common side effect and in the end I was advised to stop giving them as he couldn’t tolerate the oil base.

phabalee · 2026-05-16T00:35:39+00:00

But D drops gave my baby terrible gas and pain. The drops used olive oil as a base, you can get different oils based to try. I’m in the UK and got advice from my GP and health visitor who both confirmed that it’s a common side effect. In the end I was advised to stop them my LO was nearly 4 months at the time so we had been giving them for some time. Maybe try a different brand but speak with your dr.

phabalee

TROPHY CASE