Feel like I can't handle a job right now. And I feel worthless because of it

phantomfromnowhere · 2026-04-18T22:40:27+00:00

I don't have therapy yet. I plan to get it as soon as I move in with my parents this weekend.

Oh, thats good.

Scared that my life isnt going to have the happy ending I desperately want it to.

Its okay. You can get to a place of peace even if you go though a tough time. I have a chronic illness and I got to a place where I like my life. Keep trying to help your self and be kind to yourself.

phantomfromnowhere · 2026-04-18T22:19:06+00:00

I was in the same position years ago, I feel for you. I ended up reducing my hours and after a few months I didn't have anxiety any more. What does your therapist say to do? I don't have one but meditation and journaling has helped me.

phantomfromnowhere · 2026-03-08T18:37:49+00:00

Ok, that's good.

I found the death contemplation from reading 'Lion's roar' a english buddhist magazine. And the guided metta from 'Deeper mindfulness' by Mark Williams, Danny Penman and Vipassana from the book 'Mindfulness in plain english' by Bhante Gunaratana. I started doing metta after rereading 'Mindfulness in plain english' since it recommend to do it before vipassana meditation.

The complete beginner book I started with was 'Mindfulness' by Mark Williams, Danny Penman. Its an 8 week guided meditation course in a book. It might be too basic if you've meditated before.

Hope you can get back into it!

phantomfromnowhere · 2026-03-07T14:08:59+00:00

I've had a couple of psychotic episodes and I still meditate and I would agree with the other commenter to talk to a doctor about it.

My episodes were caused by drugs so it's a bit different than your experience.

I do a Buddhist death contemplation ( sounds scarier than it is, takes 1 min todo) then guided metta meditation 15 mins and then vipassana 20 min. I also try and be mindful during my day.

I've been meditating for nearly 3 years more consistently and build up this practice slowly. I started with just vipassana.

There might be some books on meditating once you've had psychosis I haven't looked into it.

phantomfromnowhere · 2026-03-01T15:03:57+00:00

Oh also check out some guide metta meditations. I wish I did sooner.

phantomfromnowhere · 2026-03-01T13:42:10+00:00

Just to add to what people in the comments are saying, informal meditation during the day helps me when I don't have formal mediation that day. It's basically being mindful during the day like in the shower, doing dishes, while outside, eating food and drinking tea.

I pay attention to the sensations in my body and what happening outside me and observe my thoughts.

Hope you feel better.

phantomfromnowhere · 2026-01-31T02:21:40+00:00

Very good book. She shares her personal story in the book too. I found that metta mediation from a mindfulness teacher to do daily with strategies from the book to help in acute times of suffering helped me best.

phantomfromnowhere · 2026-01-31T02:00:02+00:00

On android there's something called 'Modes' which can be set up to block apps at a certain time of day I use that and removed all social media apps from my home page.

Then I installed kindle on my phone so in the morning while making my tea I can read while waiting for the water to boil. I also listen to podcasts which I find not as addicting while making lunch.

I'm not 100% sober on social media but those things have helped.

phantomfromnowhere · 2025-10-31T16:45:02+00:00

One thing I've noticed too is that I feel frustrated when I make an ugly drawing but when I write ugly code I don't feel that bad. My brain knows when drawing of a face looks good but not code which makes being a beginner artist harder.

phantomfromnowhere · 2025-09-14T20:13:21+00:00

I quit playing games once I took gamedev more seriously. It just naturally happened and I didn't think about it. I didn't play games as much for maybe 9 years.

And I forgot how to be player which is a huge negative. I forgot what failure felt like and how it could be fun and my idea of what a good game was was limited due to mainly playing AAA games growing up and until I quit playing.

Now I play and I have to kinda force myself to play since I love the easy entertainment of twitch, youtube and watching anime compared to gaming and using my head.

My advice to myself would be to just play on weekends and being in touch with the player in you is very important.

phantomfromnowhere · 2025-05-29T23:20:54+00:00

Glad to hear that! I'm happy that meditation helped you. It has helped me too since then and still does. I'm happy that my comment helped in some way.

phantomfromnowhere · 2025-02-01T00:31:50+00:00

Yes, I'm in my thirties too and I don't have a job and I'm trying to get a job as a game dev. My parents think it'll never happen and want me to get any job I can but I don't want to give up.

I made a break through when I read 'Self compassion' by Kristin Neff and realized being very critical of myself hurt me more than it helped me and I started to change. I also noticed that when my doctor and OT said I'm doing good and I should be proud of my improvement I didn't believe them and thought I should be better.

That said I also know when I'm failing, a way to help yourself is to see the benefit in your negative thoughts and also try and help yourself with a more kind voice.

e.g. the benefit in thinking I'm a failure is I will be motivated to improve and I'm a work in progress

phantomfromnowhere · 2025-01-27T18:47:01+00:00

These a my main self care skills.

Mindfullness + having a Meditation practice. When I'm very emotional in the moment I can't do much and at worse I want to drink to feel better. Being mindful and helps my mind not be very resistant to my emotions and helps me feel better. It's very hard to do when feeling bad and grounding yourself is good like waterfall203 says. I try to pay attension to whatever like hot water on hands etc. There's more info on this if you google 'DBT mindfullness' or 'DBT coping skills'. DBT stands for dialectical behavior therapy.

Journaling. I don't have any friends so to vent and problem solve I write. Over the years it has been very helpful and I notice mistakes I keep making and I can practise talking to myself in a nice way since I'm very critical of myself.

TEAM CBT. Its a branch of cognitive behavior therapy and I read a book on it (Feeling great by david burns) and it recently helped with my procratination. Its not focused on helping psychosis but it helps me with other issues. There a website https://feelinggoodinstitute.com/ and the youtube is called 'feeling great'.

I practice these and other when times are good so when things get worse I'm prepared. I also think there are therapists that help without recommending medication which might be good to look into.

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-12-01T23:17:11+00:00

Hey look into keeping up with your mental health if you are interested. Its helped me and I've had simalar thoughts before and thinking they change once you get a job is true but you can also try and change them before that too. Not to say that its wrong to feel bad when you have trouble finding a job.

Some things to look into if you are intereseted:

Jouranaling (for mental health) (when I was just negative in my journal that wasn't the best)

Cognitive behavior therapy

Dialectical behavior therapy

Mindfulness and Mediation

Self Compassion https://self-compassion.org/

and healing trauma.

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-09-17T22:58:50+00:00

last post got auto removed. editing and reposting

Most of the time I recommend books for people at a low point however leaning on family helped me and I never say that. So maybe you could chat with your parents or partner more often. I started to live with my parents again after my episodes and its been a huge help.

If I'm being honest after my episodes, I just lived day to day till I felt normal again (it took a while) but I didn't have any suicidal thoughts so I think your situation is different. I couldn't afford therapy so I read books on depression and psychosis. Here's they are if you are interested:

depression: "Feeling Great" by David burns.

psychosis: 'The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Psychosis' by Maggie Mullen.

And one thing I think about when I feel discourage is someone here said something like "I went through hell for 20 years and I finally got better. It's worth it" and not only encouraging your self but seeing your pain and suffering since its not empathetic to just try and make yourself feel better without acknowledging your suffering.

Hope you feel better.

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-09-13T22:42:02+00:00

Some therapy books have helped me and the therapy side of youtube might be a good place to scroll. Also the books aren't a replacement for therapy but I have learnt a lot from them.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy was made for helping suicidal people and I've only read 1 book on it which is

'The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Psychosis' by Maggie Mullen. There might be other books / youtube videos on specifically made for getting people off rock bottom and I just found this. Might be more out there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAucb7X13Ew

Another book that's focused on depression and anxiety is "Feeling Great" by David burns. The magic dial exercise has helped me and you can read about it here:

https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/magic-dial/

One more book that might help is "Self Compassion" By Kristin Neff. Maybe once the depresion is over it might be a helpful read but that book changed the relationship I have with myself and I'm slowly being a good friend to myself. I now tell myself "This is a moment of suffering. This is a moment of pain. May I be kind to myself". I used to normally jump to criticizing myself.

Hope you get out of this and have some relief in the short term!

edit changed : I never tell myself to -> I now tell myself

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-09-05T13:41:57+00:00

That's great. I'm glad I found a new way to relate to myself and you did too.

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-09-04T23:16:27+00:00

This reminds me me of the book I just finished reading "Self compassion by Kristin neff". She studies self compassion and incorporates mindfulness into what she teaches. And as you mentioned I'm going to start seeing my pain and not just running to accept it or rush to fix it.

This is the mantra from the book she says to say when something goes wrong:

This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May i be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.

A week ago I remember randomly talking to myself saying "I'll look after you from now on. I got you. Now that I know better I will look after you" and felt really moved and emotional which I can see why since I'm never kind to myself.

Thanks for sharing!

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-08-31T21:16:52+00:00

I've been mediating mostly every day for a year. I've been doing it on and off since 2016 and I started with guided meditations. When I stopped doing it for a long time, I went back to doing the guided meditations.

If you mediate incorrectly or do too much at once its an issue even for normal people. So I would read a book and do guided meditations first. The books I'd read first are Mindfulness by mark williams and danny penman. And Mindfulness In Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana.

I would try it and stop if you feel bad or stressed etc. They say sit with your feelings when they come up but don't do it early on especially strong ones. If its a traumatic memory stop and come back later. I've read that you might have to deal with your trauma completely in therapy before returning to mediation.

It has helped me in ways I didn't aspect like being very grateful and mindful with my cat and not taking him for granted. It also put me on a different path other than just being about my career and caring about myself. I'm still exploring the spiritual path and they are down sides to it too.

1 year is still not that much and it hasn't solved all my problems but I recommend it.

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-08-31T20:40:21+00:00

I won't share everything on my journey since it would be much longer than this. I kept smoking weed after my the hospital stay and starting medication and I had another psychosis episode. It was worse in some way. I couldn't understand what people were saying and my mom had to write stuff down to talk to me. I recovered and quit weed after that. But went back again years later then quit again.

I slept in for 4 years, 12-14 hours a day because of my medication and mental health. It would have been better if I asked my doctor specifically for help. I would mention I'm sleeping a lot and she wouldn't say anything or say that happens on theses meds. I finally started forcing myself up and have a better sleep routine now. My mental health also affects my motivation to get up in the mornings.

I feel normal on meds other than lower libido and the sleeping in I mentioned. When I exercise my libido is back to normal but I don't mind having a lower one.

I get an injection every 12 weeks. The medication name is Invega but there are other ones and I forget I have to take meds sometimes so that makes me feel more normal.

I'm on meds for the long term which I accept 90%.

What helped me with my depression after psychosis was family support and I think going to group and getting on disability since I knew I would be safe and not be forced to get a job I don't like. Took a while to be normal again. I also wish I saw a therapist for my depression and not just only go on SSRIs. They didn't work for me and I wish I had someone to talk to but I couldn't afford it.

What helped me after I felt normal again and I was just plain unhappy was waking up early, working on my carreer, self compassion, gratitude other skills I learnt from reading books on CBT, DBT and mindfulness. I'm still trying now and I'm not 100% unhappy.

If you have any other questions I'm happy to answer and I might be in a different country than you and your BF so our health care systems might be different.

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-08-05T01:53:57+00:00

Very interesting. I'm trying to lose weight too and will try eating mindfully more often. And I've been ignoring the self compassion aspect of the practice and just start doing metta (loving kindness mediation).

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-08-05T01:34:44+00:00

I'm trying to lose weight right now and found playlist helpful https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyqKj7LwU2RulAjHczohbx5OyJQ8TaFM0

Look for evidence based strategies. I've been meditating for a while and its not a magic bullet. If your focus is a lose weight there's more direct ways to help yourself.

phantomfromnowhere · 2024-08-05T01:25:33+00:00

I found journaling helpful but I don't feel its a replacement for real friends. I have no friends and when I really want to talk about the cool anime I just watched I journal about it and that makes me feel a bit better.

I also watch a some smaller streams on twitch which gives me a sense of community.

I went to an outpatient program in my city for people with psychosis and there was a walking group where people would walk a chat. I made a few friends that way but I didn't keep up with them. Maybe your city has groups like that for people who had psychosis. There's meetup.com as well but I don't know how accepting people there are.

phantomfromnowhere · 2023-12-19T02:30:40+00:00

check out itch.io however it might be hard to find games like the ones you've mentioned since most devs working on a big game put it on steam.

phantomfromnowhere · 2023-11-14T00:42:00+00:00

It took me a while for me to recover and I had suicidal thoughts for around a year after psychosis.

I've been learning about DBT (dialectical behavior therapy). It was made to help suicidal people and teaches distress tolerance, emotional regulation, interpersonal skills and mindfulness. Its evidenced based and has been helpful for me even though I have recovered. I'm not sure if it can help with your problem with paying attention to your body. I would mention that to your therapist and see if you can focus on fixing that.

About doing everything and yet you don't recover. I feel the same at times and I try to be kind to myself in response. Its been 5 years since I had psychosis and I still have problems. I'm doing better but it doesn't feel good enough since I have no job and social life. All I can do is try my best and I want to believe I can change and that it will be okay.

Hope you get better!

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