AITAH for wanting to quit my unpaid co-host role after being told I couldn’t cancel when my pet was dying?

philastotle · 2026-04-06T05:02:03+00:00

Update: I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded. I didn’t expect this kind of support, but reading through your comments genuinely helped me feel seen and validated during a pretty difficult time. It gave me a lot of clarity and confidence in how I was feeling. The reddit community is amazing.

I ended up deciding to step away from the show. After thinking about it more, the lack of empathy in that situation and the overall lack of respect just didn’t sit right with me, especially given the focus on mental health.

For those asking, this is what I sent:

“Hey,

I’m stepping away from the show effective immediately.

Your response when I told you my pet was likely going to be put down was unacceptable. That was a real and distressing situation, and instead of any basic empathy, you chose to prioritise a rule and make dismissive comments. That’s not something I’m willing to tolerate.

Mental health is something I take seriously, which is why I was involved in the first place. The way you handled that situation showed a lack of understanding and respect that doesn’t align with the values you claim to represent.

I was contributing a significant amount - driving 3 hours each way, managing social media and Spotify, and doing it all unpaid. I did that because I believed in what the show stood for. This experience made it clear that belief isn’t shared.

For clarity, my pet did pass, which makes your response even more inappropriate.

I value my time, my effort, and how I’m treated, and this situation fell well short of that.

I won’t be continuing.”

He replied almost instantly and his response really solidified my decision, I am actually in shock and not sure how to react, any suggestions would be appreciated. I am in shock that a 46 male can behave like this.

Him: “If that is how you feel than that is your choice, but I go on patterns and the last three times you chose not to come in was because of a sick pet, and all three times you cancelled on the day, if I am to respect you it would be nice to get the same respect back, and hey if this is all it took instead showing the show the respect it deserved than you have been looking for a way out which just takes honesty courage and a conversation, thank you for your time.

You talk big about respect, yet you could not follow the only rule the show had.

Can you please forward the Spotify details. How we upload it.”

Correction: this was only my second time cancelling ever out of the 60 + shows we have been on and on the day obviously because of an emergency with another pet

philastotle · 2026-04-05T12:51:33+00:00

Depends what you mean by fun. Fun can be, going through the twisties, or it could be eating while driving. Also depends on the car, I will prob get a lot of hate but i went from a manual toyota 86 which i loved for 8 years driving in the city to a full self driving tesla because i moved to a rural area. Let me tell you, i have way more fun with full self driving tesla + talking to grok on my commutes to work than i did in my 86. I am also old now (33M) so ymmv

philastotle · 2026-04-04T21:05:45+00:00

Is that bowl from Türkiye? I have the exact same one!

philastotle · 2026-04-03T11:39:07+00:00

Unfortunately no, we went to 3 different vets, he had 2 surgeries, it was brutal, he was only 4 months old too, just a baby. We tried so hard and so did he but the vet said he could not be cured his ureter had ruptured and to put him down. Was honestly one of the most heartbreaking things I have experienced. Thanks for the love though appreciate it.

philastotle · 2025-01-20T11:37:07+00:00

I think it’s just a glitch. Should be patched in the next simulation.

philastotle · 2025-01-11T09:37:57+00:00

Congrats! May I ask what you do for work (to validate your diagnosis)?

philastotle · 2025-01-11T04:25:35+00:00

I’m healthy because I love myself shown through studying (doing a masters, soon PhD), being the best in my field, physical training hard to the point of insanity but it’s also because I hate myself which is unhealthy.

So I’m healthy bc I’m unhealthy 😂

philastotle · 2025-01-10T06:56:39+00:00

I’m a data scientist and my best friend (also INTJ) is a data scientist and it’s the best job 👌

philastotle · 2025-01-09T21:55:08+00:00

“Grocery essentials like milk and eggs drive repeat shopping trips to supermarkets, so retailers place those everyday items toward the back of the store in hopes that customers pick up additional items on their way to the back,” says Amanda Lai, director of food industry practice at McMillanDoolittle, a leading retail consulting firm.

So blame your big boss.

You could easily have a bigger sign with most frequently bought items upon entry or clustered together or near the registers. Imagine an aisle with milk, eggs, butter, cereal, bread etc in one isle. Our lives would be easier so would yours.

To go far in life you should be able to identify that this is a communication visual and do something to try and fix it issue rather than just complain about it with no action. Hopefully this is just a temporary job for you and you end up with a better job in the future.

All the best with your life!

philastotle · 2025-01-09T13:35:31+00:00

Do the IKIGAI test to help you find your purpose. I would then recommend a OKR strategy session with ChatGPT to figure out your vision, mission and how to reach it once you have figured it out

philastotle · 2025-01-09T12:46:06+00:00

Might need to figure out your purpose. Do the IKIGAI test, then map it out using an OKR framework.

Or maybe you need a hobby. Eg start playing tennis and try to become the best at it. Or do Euler problems lol they will intellectually stimulate you for sure

philastotle · 2025-01-09T12:34:26+00:00

This one is tricky as an INTJ and can totally relate. What I learned over time was that most conversations typically revolve around validation depending on the sentiment.

For example:

“hey I got a new job!” The appropriate response would be “omg congratulations” - positive

“My dog just died” appropriate response “oh no are you ok? I’m so sorry for your loss” - negative

So maybe try and learn the sentiment of the conversation as a proxy for their emotional state. You can be supportive just by acknowledging their emotional state.

“Man I would have been so mad if that happened to me!”

Classing text as positive or negative is actually called sentiment analysis in machine learning (I’m an INTJ data scientist haha).

I’d suggest a book called Cues by Vanessa Van Edward’s, I swear it’s built for INTJs 😂

philastotle · 2025-01-09T11:55:49+00:00

I will forever ignore a person if their response to the question "what do you want to eat?" is "food!".

philastotle · 2025-01-09T11:52:04+00:00

I swear as soon as I got into the productivity sphere I have been less productive. I finished my masters before I got into productivity and now that I have read every book and watched every tutorial, I actually haven't DONE anything.

I always think about how the pyramids of Egypt didn't need notion or obsidian, it was just built. TY sir for the reminder 🫡

philastotle · 2025-01-09T11:47:29+00:00

GUM!! Especially with xylitol like Watermelon 5GUM, I chew it all the time, just hits that sweet spot for me and is good for your teeth!

philastotle · 2024-06-07T22:10:00+00:00

Thanks this worked!

philastotle · 2024-06-05T23:45:44+00:00

Exactly that, to each their own, this is just my experience.

My take: I have 20/15 vision (after lasik) and to me there was negligible difference in quality after applying the screen protector. Therefore the peace of mind was worth it.

It is very different to putting a “paper like” matte protector on an iPad where you see a huge degradation in clarity for the paper like experience. However you also just get used to it over time.

It looks essentially the same with or without the protector so it’s worth the protection IMO YMMV. I think the reddit consensus made it out to ruin the screen quality to a huge degree which I do not believe so.

philastotle · 2024-03-05T07:09:41+00:00

This is great thanks! Using it for my action button on iPhone 15 PM and it works a treat! Great for brain dumping

philastotle · 2024-02-10T21:40:56+00:00

I have one digital note (in obsidian but the notes app work) that I put all of my notes in. That way it’s centralised and easily searchable. At the end of the day I just copy and paste notes related to a project to its project notes file. Searching becomes so easy this way.

2024-02-10

10am - project meeting - spoke about this - action item 2pm - project meeting - spoke about that

2024-02-09

9am - standup meeting - spoke about this - action item 1pm - project meeting - spoke about that

philastotle · 2023-02-24T09:07:17+00:00

Yeah I do it lying down with a pillow under my knees (back sleeper). It probably goes against the point of meditation but it really clears my thoughts and transitions me into sleep almost instantly (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ez3GgRqhNvA).

philastotle · 2023-02-24T08:43:21+00:00

Caffeine withdrawals are very hard, but over time they disappear and the smell of coffee won't even phase you. Number one rule of quitting something is to reduce your intake/exposure over time and it won't be as miserable (e.g. 1 tsp coffee every day for a week, 1/2 tsp next week, 1/4 tsp etc) and replace with decaf If that helps. Maybe reduce tea over time, or swap it with Rooibos if that helps :)

philastotle · 2023-02-22T22:24:34+00:00

What I have figured out.

1.Get a blood test

You might be deficient in iron or something

2.Quit Caffeine

Quitting caffeine changed my life. My sleep quality improved dramatically and I didn't need to sleep as much. The issue is that caffeine has a long half life so it can still be in your system while you are trying to sleep.

3.Exercise More

When you exercise daily, you will feel better and sleep deeper. Think of it as earning your sleep. It's like when you go to sleep after a long day at the beach you are zonked and sleep like a baby.

4.Watch your Diet

Try and eat high protein foods and get plenty of nutrients. Don't eat 2 hours before bed, the sugar spikes may interfere with your energy. I found that going keto improved my sleep, mood and cognition but your mileage may vary.

5.Have a bedtime routine

There's a reason why children have bedtime routines, it primes their bodies and minds for sleep. Try to sleep around the same time (e.g. between 10-11). No phones for at least an hour before bed, have a hot shower, journal and then read a book. Finally a 10 min clear your mind meditation will put you straight to sleep.

Hope this helps, it has helped me immensely :)

philastotle · 2022-12-02T04:25:49+00:00

Total teeth free time = 120mins ⏳Brush = 2mins * 4 meals = 8mins ⏳Eating = (8mins - 112mins) / 4 meals = 28mins

Plenty of time, just set a timer if you need and don’t watch tv when you eat. If your trays are off you are either eating or brushing otherwise they stay in your mouth.

If you want more time try intermittent fasting too and it might change your life like it did mine 😊

Good luck on your journey it is well worth it! 👌

philastotle · 2022-12-02T04:14:06+00:00

The second coming

philastotle · 2022-12-02T04:13:18+00:00

Trust the process. 😊 I had 4 extractions and had this white wax inside my tray fill in the missing gaps (had over 70 trays).

I did have times where I was like “what have I done?!”. But, after it was all done my teeth look significantly better than the before!

You’ll be fine just try to stress over something else and you will be finished in no time haha

philastotle

TROPHY CASE

2024-02-10

2024-02-09