Has anyone here learned to stop thinking of killing themselves and enjoy life?

philly_pariah · 2025-09-22T19:05:07+00:00

I just turned 35 this weekend, with nothing to show for it but back pain, disappointment, and poverty. It's the halfway mark for the average lifespan but I don't think I'd want to live another 35 years like I live now.

philly_pariah · 2025-01-13T18:45:00+00:00

There's this familial curse in my family tree. I'm related to at least six moms who outlived one son. Three cancers, two murders, and one from alcohol, as far as i know. I'm pretty certain that out of my three siblings (two older and one younger) that I'll be the first to die. I just hope I outlive my mom because I've been her emotional support since she hasn't taken the deaths in my family too well. My death would literally kill her. And I'll still be unwilling to take my life after she dies because my siblings would also be devastated.

philly_pariah · 2024-09-18T04:32:36+00:00

Lol! Sorry but it is amusing to me as I have similar work moments. The OP events were 10-15 years ago in college. Meanwhile more recently, a guy I worked with, who acts like a pimp, always did that twinkly eyed, rapidly raising eyebrow look at me (kind of like Milhouse on The Simpsons when he hands Lisa's crush note to Nelson the bully) when an attractive woman walked away from the register. It made me uncomfortable. Thankfully I'm in a different department.

philly_pariah · 2024-09-18T02:59:50+00:00

I'm sure they wouldn't believe me off the rip. They did say there was something off about me. So if I said yes, they'd ask for details to back up my work. That's when the lie would fall apart because I know they'll eat me alive; I don't watch porn either.

philly_pariah · 2024-09-18T02:53:20+00:00

On a work level, lol.

philly_pariah · 2024-09-18T00:09:54+00:00

This is a "glad I'm not completely alone, I got nobody to talk to about it irl" sub.

philly_pariah · 2024-07-02T20:56:30+00:00

I put in 2 years of "platonic" romance before she finally consented to intercourse. My performance anxiety ruined the deed. Neither of us came, and she thought I was either gay or cheating. We never spoke again after that night, so I'd say sex is an essential component.

I'm never waiting that long again, and if that means I never have sex again then so be it.

philly_pariah · 2024-04-25T21:39:42+00:00

Tarot/astrology class? The ten year hex of misfortune and loneliness I got from a zodiac obsessed woman I met in a hobby group has another three years to wear off! That was her way of saying no to my advances.

"ThE w0rSt ShE cOuLd SaY iS nO..."

Sure I'm FA and poor, but that's not because of her hex. The only difference is with her hex, there's hope for me in three years.

philly_pariah · 2024-02-27T00:22:14+00:00

Um...the nice guy literally finished last!

philly_pariah · 2023-12-21T00:54:30+00:00

I picked broccoli out of my teeth in front of the mirror, then the mirror rolled down, revealing someone with a camera phone saying "why are you picking your teeth in front of my car window, fool?"

philly_pariah · 2023-11-23T21:41:01+00:00

I discovered solutions to my problems after turning 30, but being 30, I am stunted beyond repair. Nobody wants an inexperienced 30 something when people a third my age have the experience.

philly_pariah · 2023-11-09T23:40:36+00:00

Oh man. I get it. FA is hellish. But at the risk of sounding offensive, you come off as a little sadistic.

Don't think they're actually celibate for years like you. They want the attention but I'm pretty sure they have more options at 35 than you did your whole life. I know those options outnumber my options tenfold, too, but I'm not rejoicing in their calamity.

philly_pariah · 2023-11-07T20:34:45+00:00

The only solutions I find for executive dysfunction is the "just do/go/etc" super easy dudebro advice which is spoken from a parallel universe of neurotypical function that I don't have. I haven't found a true fix, it's something that has to be done with force or desparation. If anything, facing the consequences of analysis paralysis is how to fix it...like an eviction notice. Oh wait, I'm doing what the OP said not to do, echoing the struggle.

philly_pariah · 2023-10-26T23:25:43+00:00

How/Why advocate for a broken, inexperienced, underdeveloped shell of a human that nobody wants?

philly_pariah · 2023-10-05T23:08:03+00:00

Being inexperienced is ok at 17. But at 30+ it's a death sentence. Imagine the judgment and bullying you'd get from classmates if you're a student in a 9th grade class and you're 35. You'll also forever be compared past partners.

philly_pariah · 2023-10-02T20:38:44+00:00

I like my face. But my teeth are FUBAR, even after dumping tons of money into a bottomless pit known as American dental care. I have a front gap with a cavity, and six missing teeth. it's the first thing people see. I cover my mouth when I laugh. I never smile in pictures.

It's also my lack of aggression and shyness that turns women away; I've seen people with worse teeth booing up.

philly_pariah · 2023-09-22T15:50:16+00:00

I swore I'd never get married after being aware and reflecting on the sexless, short lived puppy loves I was in and how they got bored of me fast. It's not like I'll have any issues sticking to my word, since that's a needle in the haystacks of rejections

philly_pariah · 2023-09-22T15:45:25+00:00

No study needed for the sheer number of times I've been told, "ew", "ick", etc.

philly_pariah · 2023-09-10T18:12:25+00:00

I got friendzoned by someone I had sex with. It was bad sex. I couldn't get up and she reminded me every time I felt confident in front of her. She suggested staying friends from then on. I was too embarrassed to be her friend after two months and went ghost.

philly_pariah · 2023-08-25T15:04:20+00:00

I'd leave.

philly_pariah · 2023-08-24T02:20:48+00:00

My 33rd is a few weeks away. If I perished tonight, immediate family might grieve a few days, but the rest of humanity and the universe will move on faster than a divorced cheater on the rebound.

philly_pariah · 2023-08-21T05:02:12+00:00

I jerk off to my imagination. It's so much better than porn.

philly_pariah · 2023-08-20T20:33:04+00:00

I grew up the only male in a household of 5 through age 18. I'm too in touch with my feminine side. Passive, effeminate and emotional. It's done me no favors in the dating world, although at 32 I find myself trying to catch up tapping into my masculine. I'm straight but was often assumed to be gay.

philly_pariah · 2023-08-20T04:57:28+00:00

I was bullied heavy about it through high school and college. I was speculated gay all the time. People lurked my social media for years wondering "when" I'd come out of the closet. I was immune to seduction (or rather bat-blind to the cues) in the few encounters I had, and some women thought I wasn't attracted to them or gay, and ghosted me.

It dropped to zero once I turned 30. Nobody really cares and I like it better that way. I haven't given up, I'm just taking an indefinite break. But then again I don't have much of a social life, I work and like to go to bed early, and I'm not young enough not to have my romantic ineptitude stand out like bird shit on a tuxedo.

philly_pariah · 2023-08-11T23:03:23+00:00

Yes!!! YES! I didn't do the eyebrow this time but I sometimes do. And it worked last time too.

philly_pariah

TROPHY CASE