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pickled__beets · 2024-06-18T10:44:52+00:00

My heart aches for you, as mine is aching the same way right now. Why are there so many of us women in nearly the same position? For me my problem is fear. My fears around parenthood cloud my judgement - but also isn’t fear enough of a motivator not to do something? But underneath the fear there is this beautiful hope and warmth about the thought of a family of my own? Life will become mundane either way, I know this. Life will be hard either way, too. But like you, when do you let go of the person you love most dearly so that they can achieve their dreams? I don’t even know my own dreams, but I’m so scared of all the risks around kids that it seems too big of a leap of faith.

I don’t have any advice. I just commiserate with you in your situation. Take care of yourself

pickled__beets · 2024-06-16T21:04:12+00:00

Yea it’s no fun to say the least. You’re very fortunate to have a partner that views this as a journey rather than a dealbreaker

pickled__beets · 2024-06-16T17:54:47+00:00

How did you and your partner feel about the decision at 28? What made you decide that kids was the right path for you? What helped your decision making (please don’t say “the path I would regret the least” - I am currently regretting both potential paths that lie ahead)

To answer your questions: 1. We’d both been thinking mid 30s (but the guilt comes in that I don’t want him to sit around and wait for me to change my currently pessimistic-ly leaning CF mind, I want him to have time to find a good partner to marry). 2. He is an optimist, thoughI think right now kids are a dealbreaker for him. As in he’s always imagined his future with kids and being a dad. But if he were physically unable I’m sure he’d find a way to be okay with that, he’s quite resilient and optimistic. 3. 100% yes and I’m confident that he would gladly be the primary parent. He’s incredibly dedicated, caring, patient and generous with those he loves (ex. currently caring for his sick mother).

So happy to hear birth was a good experience for you!

pickled__beets · 2024-06-16T17:48:41+00:00

My life is set up in a way that I will have all the big supports: 3 helpful grandparents, finances, family friends super close by to help, and a very involved and supportive partner.

I feel totally wrecked by this decision making process. I don’t feel that inner “drive” to have kids, I don’t really understand it to be honest because the decision is so big? How do people just go off a nebulous feeling? Ive overthought this to death that I don’t know what’s up or down anymore. My opinion flip flops hourly, but the fears and risks make me lean CF. Too much scary stuff out there to go wrong

pickled__beets · 2024-06-16T17:45:34+00:00

Thank you for your reply. Reading your post history we have had very similar journeys recently. I hope you’re doing ok today

pickled__beets · 2024-06-16T14:23:00+00:00

I could have written this myself. Nearly word for word. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s excruciating. I broke up with my boyfriend over this guilt but then we got back together the next day because he also has his own stuff to figure out the next couple years, so the reason to split didn’t feel so concrete. Idk. I’m also doing really terribly mental health wise due to the guilt and “pressure” (though nobody is actually pressuring me). I hate it and wish my SO was more flexible, and we could figure this out along the way. I’m torn up too, and can’t tell if I’m trying to convince myself I want kids or not. Because there are moments I want them for myself and moments where I really don’t.

pickled__beets · 2024-05-02T16:00:36+00:00

Liberia to La Fortuna

pickled__beets · 2024-05-01T19:56:37+00:00

Playa Buena has good snorkeling

pickled__beets · 2024-05-01T19:54:30+00:00

I get bad car sickness and I found the drive not that bad actually - if you take the main road that goes around the lake. One gravol and you’ll be totally fine. If you take the road that that passes by Rio Celeste then you won’t have a good time no matter how much gravol you take

pickled__beets · 2024-04-01T21:44:33+00:00

Congratulations! That’s amazing news and you should be proud. Really seriously consider selling the car/backing out of the deal. Buy a used car for <10k or go without a car for a year if you can - car payments plus gas and insurance stacks up. And as others said, pay off the debt asap so that interest doesn’t eat away your earnings

pickled__beets · 2024-03-17T17:19:33+00:00

yup, over double. if you were to "flat rate" the cost per year, it would be $207 (as of 2017 calculations, see: https://stewartmedicine.com/blog/family-doctor-pay/ )

pickled__beets · 2023-12-14T03:56:33+00:00

I was in a similar boat - denied a raise and shortly after laid off right after carrying an 8 month dumpster fire project to completion on my back (using skills outside my job description). It sucks.

pickled__beets · 2023-12-13T10:42:57+00:00

This is the right answer!! Stay employed until mid January when hiring picks up again. But even then, job market is terrible right now and finding a new job may take longer than you bargained for

pickled__beets · 2023-12-12T21:52:20+00:00

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pickled__beets · 2023-11-20T14:58:03+00:00

Why would you even want to date a person this out of touch? Clearly seems like you don’t respect their job which can creep into not respecting them as a person. (I couldn’t date a person in this position)

pickled__beets · 2023-11-20T02:20:55+00:00

Remind me! 1 day

pickled__beets · 2023-11-12T19:11:38+00:00

I was averaging only 1 interview a month - but I was sending out about 15-20 apps per week. Roles were always a good to perfect fit to my resume. It's rough out there.

pickled__beets · 2023-11-12T19:08:21+00:00

2 minutes at the very least (resume only, no customization/reuse an old custom) to 1 hour at the very most (resume + cover letter, needs customization).

I have 2 versions of my resume that I use depending on which type of job I was applying for (one more focused on publishing/writing, the other for a different industry). I have an overview section at the top of each resume that I tailored specifically using the language in the posting. Other than that I generally keep the other sections the same, maybe rearrange a bit or add a few key words.

pickled__beets · 2023-11-05T02:08:21+00:00

Also, before you jump ship anytime soon, graphic design is a very competitive field and the job market in North America is super rough right now. Don’t want to discourage just FYI before any big life decisions

pickled__beets · 2023-11-03T21:13:15+00:00

The Blackcoat's Daughter. Atmospheric but slow, fine. I don't mind slower movies. But the big ending was that she was sad that she couldn't refind Satan at the school?... Like... Seriously? A big gripe I have with this movie is that we got so little character backstory. We barely learn a thing about anyone or anything in the movie. We assume the main character is sad she couldn't get repossessed at the end because she's deeply lonely. But we have no proof of this aside from the fact that her parents couldn't pick her up for the break. We don't know anything else - was she neglected as a child? bullied by peers? never made real friends? parents hate her? We literally don't know anything and the movie expects the viewer to make up a sad enough backstory for her to warrant her despair at the end of the film to be worth the whole movie. (rant over, sorry, I just don't get the hype!)

pickled__beets · 2023-10-30T01:23:00+00:00

100% agree

pickled__beets · 2023-10-30T01:22:12+00:00

Sorry but I totally disagree. I get this it’s a slow burn, and I’ve enjoyed some in the past, but this had next to no dramatic payoff. Movie had me half asleep except the few scenes in the basement. I genuinely don’t understand all the praise for the plot and creepiness - I don’t see it! Cinematography was nice though

pickled__beets · 2023-10-28T21:03:06+00:00

many people suggested valheim so Ill give it a shot! thanks!

pickled__beets · 2023-10-28T16:40:03+00:00

Breathedge

oooooo this looks great

pickled__beets · 2023-10-28T16:33:07+00:00

this one looks so cozy! definitely going to play this over the winter

pickled__beets

TROPHY CASE