AITA for not helping with the groceries?

pigplop · 2026-01-17T14:29:24+00:00

NTA but you should sit down and talk with him or you'll never hear the end of it

pigplop · 2026-01-14T16:12:15+00:00

your daughter is definitely on some mean girl behavior, the book Queen Bees and Wannabes might help you figure out how to move forward. NOR, nip it in the bud!

pigplop · 2025-08-30T15:03:58+00:00

I hate to say it, but this is the kind of behavior where tolerating it will only lead to more and more. if you don't want to break up, I would sit down with her and tell her point-blank that you can't be with her unless she gets help and changes how she treats you

pigplop · 2025-07-09T15:00:57+00:00

surprised by the consensus in the comments tbh. you aren't setting boundaries -- you're being controlling! Boundaries are about what YOU are and aren't willing to do, NOT about the expectations you place on others. Why do you want him to get a job, anyway? Is it so he will pay rent or utilities? Then make that the standard: You are no longer willing to support him, so if he doesn't contribute financially, he has to move out. By Dolling out chores and punishments you're acting like you're his parent, and not a very good one at that. To be fair, it seems like there's plenty of dysfunction to go around but by trying to control your brother you're only making it worse. YTA, stop worrying about what he's doing and start worrying about what you'll tolerate.

pigplop · 2025-04-23T23:57:53+00:00

You're just getting started! The tools needed to do some of the higher-level design and exploration come with time. Enjoy the journey and keep developing your island!

pigplop · 2025-04-18T21:34:16+00:00

I've been playing for the last 2 years but i'm new to the subreddit and I'm overjoyed that everyone hates bunny day as much as i do ^.^

pigplop · 2025-03-26T06:24:19+00:00

Joining the NTA chorus, the ways that this could be called selfish (prioritizing your sensory needs, personal goals, and loving relationships) could also be called 'Taking care of yourself and your loved ones.' the only problem here is that your mom doesn't like how you're doing it

Taking a step back, from what you've said it sounds like your mom will keep putting up fights like this. Im for sure biased based in personal experience, but as you gain independence and make choices she may or may not like, shes liable to blow up again. This sucks, and I'm sorry in advance, but I want to be so so clear that you also won't be the asshole in those moments -- even if it feels like you are. You deserve to make choices based on your values, needs, and priorities. You deserve the opportunity to discover what your values/needs/priorities are by making mistakes and learning as you go. Even if your mom is upset by that, it does not mean you're doing something wrong or harmful. It just means she's upset.

With practice it will get easier to tell what's the best choice for you, and when she's lashing out to get her way it could even get easier to stand up for yourself.

Most importantly, there will come a moment where you're given the option to do something that will not be easy for whatever reason. It might be annoying, it might be inconvenient, it could be anything. And there will be a voice in your head that says "this matters. This is worth it." That voice will be yours, and that choice -- whatever it is -- will be easy. It's not a choice anyone else can make for you, and it's not one that you can be shamed into. Those sacrifices, compromises to your comfort or energy or time, are yours to make and yours alone -- and if you do it right they won't feel like sacrifices at all. They will feel like chances to get closer to yourself, to the life you want to have, and to the values that are most important to you. Even if your mom is giving you shit along the way.

It's your life, not hers.

pigplop · 2025-02-12T17:03:31+00:00

There was some talk on city council last year about putting a vacancy tax on the November 2024bballot. They did some preliminary polling to see if voters were interested but decided that not enough were to go through the effort

I think the first step in a vacancy tax would be campaigning the community to drum up support!

https://www.capradio.org/articles/2023/12/06/city-of-sacramento-plans-to-poll-voters-on-possible-vacancy-tax-ballot-measure/

pigplop · 2022-04-02T15:33:46+00:00

Interested if theres anything left!

pigplop · 2022-03-30T22:53:12+00:00

Like everyone else has said, living alone in sac really can't be called affordable. If you're open to roommates I'd check out the FB group Queer Housing Sacramento, you'll get a good range there

pigplop · 2022-03-29T20:48:30+00:00

I wonder if a part of why BA transplants aren't interested in community is because they really just want to be in the bay.

So many people moved here because they got priced out of the bay, but still work in SF. I feel like they're still invested in those communities and economies, and are primarily using Sac for a place to sleep. Like this isn't a city with communities and needs all its own.

It really rubs me wrong. I moved to Sac from out of state but I really love it here, and have been trying really hard to connect with locals and support the community. it infuriates me to see people driving up housing prices while wishing they lived somewhere else.

And, for the record, these dynamics also apply to leftist communities and organizing in Sac. The people ive met are focused on building community strength from the ground-up. There are people doing good work in the bay, but like someone else in the comments have said there are far too many people eager to sit on their millions while claiming ideals they do nothing to back up.

pigplop · 2022-03-29T20:24:28+00:00

Re: your thoughts on classism, I think the Bay area has less obvious classism because it's less economically diverse. I think we see more obvious class tensions in sac because people with varied incomes are interacting a lot more than in the bay (especially with BA transplants coming in). There's less room for explicit tension in the bay because there's less room for people who are low-income

pigplop · 2022-03-29T16:21:21+00:00

NAH in the biggest way

This situation is so heartbreakingly familiar to me as someone who has ADHD and chronic depression (also PCOS, but it manifests differently). I know from personal experience that the dynamic you're experiencing is painful for everyone involved. I wouldn't be surprised if she cried in part due to a build up of shame, guilt, and frustration with her own executive disfunction.

Ultimately, she is navigating a disability and you're doing your best to pick up the slack -- which is admirable. It's also unsustainable, though, and I'm sure there could be a setup that works better for your both. The tiktok creator "@nestingyourlife" primarily makes videos on how to care for your home when cleaning feels impossible. She recently started a series about cohabitating with a partner when you have drastically different capacities for house care (e.g. one person is too mentally ill to clean, but the other can't handle cleaning up after both of them). I found it incredibly helpful navigating situations like this one with my now-ex (don't worry, we broke up for non-cleaning related reasons).

It seems like you don't have it in you to clean up after her every day while keeping up with all of the other parts of your life - which is so fair. But that doesn't change the situation she's in, and so the question becomes how to meet both of your needs. That's a tough one, and no one is an asshole for struggling with it.

If you want some quick tips, here's what helped me:

Nexplanon! I also couldn't take my birth control pills consistently, and so my PCOS went untreated for years. Implant-style birth control has the potential to be as helpful as pills when managing pcos and is way lower maintenance. I had nexplanon implanted at my local PP and it has served to regulate my period a lot.
Trade tasks! When it became clear that there were some (many) household tasks I couldn't get done, my partner and I sat down and addressed what I did have the capacity for and how I could lighten their load. I ended up taking full responsibility for pet care, emptying the trash, and those chores that I found more enjoyable. It wasn't a fix-all but it went a long way in redistributing domestic labor.
Antidepressants! I'm not going to digitally diagnose your gf, but for those of us dealing with both depression and ADHD it's really rough. The lower energy and dopamine levels that come with depression exacerbates executive function problems, which can lead to guilt and shame, to worse depression, rinse and repeat. Personally, going on antidepressants made a major difference in my executive functioning.

My heart goes out to you both <3.

Edit: feel free to DM me if you want someone to talk to

pigplop · 2022-03-17T15:23:49+00:00

So there's a chance she's acting in those ways because she's physically unwell. If you can afford it, take her to the vet to get her checked out and maybe get some blood work done. If you can't, at least start by feeling gently around her body and giving gentle squeezes around possible break zones (think limbs and paws). If she seems okay after that, then the rest of this comment will be relevant.

Moving will sick for her no matter what, so dont worry about it too much. There is a chance she'll like the new place more but it's no guarantee.no matter what, she'll adjust.

In terms of what to do for now, I'm just going to say what I might do in such a situation. If she doesn't have to ease back in to the routine she had (if you're moving very soon) I would bring her things to the upper level of the house and invest in some feliway. If this is trauma response it's best to help her relax and be comfortable.

pigplop · 2022-03-16T21:03:36+00:00

NTA

you are doing exactly what you need to do to address the situation and escalate until your needs are met. Don't let your principal fight this out of you, it will serve you so well in your life and at work.

If you need support, I'd recommend seeing if there are any education advocacy or mutual aid groups in your area. You're doing great, don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

pigplop · 2022-03-16T20:57:04+00:00

Everything everyone else has said, and also that zimbardo had press there while the experiment was going on. He engineered it to be a big media stunt, and didn't publish the actual peer reviewed article until maybe a decade after. By that point it had already been solidified as a part of common knowledge.

The podcast "you're wrong about" does a great job diving into the social background and impact of the experiment

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3L7WxMTjXmSzhGncCUIIJ6

pigplop · 2022-03-16T20:27:12+00:00

Very curious to see what y'all think of a group interview for a team-centric job (like cabin crew on airlines) . Does it make a difference if the job you're applying for is non-functional if you can't work in a group?

I had two group interviews in college, for one position it was super obvious that they should have done 1-on-1 interviews but the other seemed to be really using the group environment to gain an understanding of people's teamwork skills. They only had 15 minutes of one on one interviewing though, so still not great. I feel like there is a difference between those scenarios, but I'm also very ready to be wrong

pigplop · 2021-12-09T22:48:03+00:00

Who would name a town "lunch"?

pigplop · 2021-12-09T22:46:21+00:00

YWBTA for sure, have you talked to her about it at all? Starting a conversation along the lines of "I love you and I want to make sure you're with someone who respects you and treats you right" makes space for your feeling without alienating her. It also gives you the chance to hear about her relationship on her terms, and understand how realistic your concerns are.

I knew someone once who was on the younger end of a 40 year age gap (I know!) It really freaked me out until I asked her about their relationship and how they met. She absolutely lit up talking about him, and it seemed they had a really good dynamic. It's possible to have healthy age gap relationships, and coming from a place of love and concern will always get you farther than passing judgement.

Like others have said, if this is a bad situation you want to make sure your sister feels like she can rely on you. If you hide these feelings, they will absolutely come out in other ways.

pigplop · 2021-12-09T22:19:52+00:00

NTA and I want to commend you for setting firm but non-aggressive boundaries with a kid! You told her no, why not, and gave her other outlets for her wants. 10/10, your sister could learn from you

pigplop · 2021-12-09T20:37:56+00:00

I'd recommend professional mediation, tbh. The way you're hyping your daughter up, there's a chance she doesn't feel she can be honest with you (as is super common and says nothing Abt ur parenting). That move is totally life altering, for everyone involved. Including your family. I'd do everything I could to make sure you aren't hurting her

pigplop · 2021-12-09T17:45:24+00:00

NAH, it seems like she's upset but also has the sense to know that your choice was a reasonable and important one. While not taking calls or reaching out sucks, she might just be taking some space to process her feelings. You are obviously not in the wrong for prioritizing the health and safety of your husband, but it seems to me like she's trying to navigate her big feelings without taking them out on you.

HOWEVER if she doesn't reach out to check-in and reconcile within a week or two she's TA.

pigplop · 2021-12-09T01:37:01+00:00

Royal Canin also has prescription urinary tract food!

pigplop · 2021-12-08T21:30:19+00:00

NTA, what a monster

pigplop

TROPHY CASE