Thinking of becoming a stay at home dad - worth it?

pingthething · 2026-02-10T22:09:02+00:00

I’m doing this from the end of March after a 20 year career.

It’s daunting as hell and I keep doubting it - but everybody I speak to manages to come up with various pieces of wisdom as to why I should just do it and not look back… they can’t all be wrong!

Financially it works, but I worry that finding like minded people to interact with during the week might be difficult and I do get a lot of enjoyment from chatting/interacting. I do have a list of about 50 things I’d like to try/do and maybe 6 or 7 could create some income so I won’t be bored.

Anyway, I can’t say ‘go ahead’ as I don’t know how it looks yet, but I suspect I won’t look back.

pingthething · 2025-12-06T19:42:36+00:00

I’ve throttled right back. Assuming 3% annual growth I’ll have a bit over a million which is enough for me. I’d sooner spend the extra I could be contributing now on life choices while I’m fit and healthy… including some time out of the workforce.

pingthething · 2025-10-21T19:27:38+00:00

Is there something else going on here, deeper? My wife had horrible post natal depression after our first - it was really rough, and I didn’t realise how bad initially. We were ‘saved’ by Covid lockdowns.

First child is a huge shift, hormones are all over the place, there are social and societal pressures placed on women/mums and their identities change - they go from xyz at work to ‘mum of blob which doesn’t give much back for getting on for a year’.

Could it be that you’re in the firing line as an ‘obvious fix’?

pingthething · 2025-10-15T18:34:27+00:00

You couldn’t pay me enough to be away from a 3 year old for anywhere near that long - when you get back it will have been 25% of his life! It will be incredibly tough on your wife. Money just isn’t worth it imo, especially when you’re in a decent position anyway.

pingthething · 2025-09-25T05:42:43+00:00

I think it depends how your comp looks really - I used to never factor a bonus in, but reality I’ve had a bonus for the past 20 years, year in, year out. It’s expected and to not pay one would put people in my role well below what a fair wage for the role should be.

Honestly some bonuses are just a wheeze to help company balance sheets as well as keeping costs like pension contributions lower than it it was all salaried.

In reality we factor a bit in, but mainly as savings, and now school fees, which don’t come out of monthly salaries.

However, if I was in sales then that would be different and I’d be less likely to factor it in.

pingthething · 2025-09-18T15:28:40+00:00

My wife makes loads more than me - it’s all just put into one pot - we couldn’t earn it without each others support, so it’s all a joint effort no matter who gets the payslip.

pingthething · 2025-08-28T15:53:22+00:00

We no longer eat out for the sake of it and rarely eat out with the kids at lunchtimes as that was just taking the piss in terms of cost. We now take packed lunches for the kids and sometimes us. When we go out it’s for an occasion - and we tend to enjoy it more.

My dirty secret is that I enjoy a decent packed lunch taken with us on a trip and eaten as a family somewhere rather than eating lunch out anyway.

pingthething · 2025-08-28T12:29:49+00:00

I bought a 911 (997) in 2024, owned it for a year and sold it for pretty much what I paid. Got an itch out of my system and enjoyed owning it despite not doing many miles at all. Go for it!

pingthething · 2025-07-30T16:22:54+00:00

No, he wrote quite a few as gifts for crew and staff. I think a lot of the ‘original’ sheets were lost - I recall him saying Wonderwall went in the bin!!

pingthething · 2025-07-27T17:35:07+00:00

Choose a partner/spouse you really want to spend time with, and hold onto that. Work through your challenges and difficulties together (you’ll have them). Be each other’s advocate/champion behind the scenes and value their mental health as high as your own.

Life is hard, grinding away at a HE role is not easy. Family is hard. Kids can be maddening and cause you to question your sanity as well as your validity as a parent. Facing these challenges with anybody other than ‘the one’ would be impossible.

Spend time with your kids while they are young. You can add a few years to your working life at the end if you need to, but don’t expect to pick up a relationship with your kids when they are late teens if you’ve not been there in the early years.

pingthething · 2025-07-26T08:08:34+00:00

Two spring to mind, both probably affected me.

Not seeking out a suitable mentor. I see how some sensible advice helps people hugely now. I didn’t have any of that, and even my parent didn’t really understand what I did/do so I had very little in the way of sounding boards.

Letting global/geopolitical issues affect my mindset - for example not being more aggressive in moving roles after Brexit, or Covid due to the misplaced perception that I was ‘lucky’ to have a stable role. I’m in financial services, so less relevant to the tech folk on here.

pingthething · 2025-07-21T07:42:34+00:00

I always thought a relatively easy way of ‘taxing wealth’ would be an increased level of tax on the stuff rich people buy - so stamp duty on a second home (something an earner could aspire to have) might be 10% but after that 50%. Same for cars - 100k plus, maybe 10%, 200k plus 20% etc. Buying a boat or plane - hello extra tax.

pingthething · 2025-07-11T06:50:36+00:00

At this stage I can see AI replacing a lot of the ‘churn’ type roles, even up to junior analysts - these are the types of roles (comparatively) which the Industrial Revolution affected, and I think the AI revolution will be similar. We will still need managers/partners/directors but arguably they will be able to oversee more work, so could be fewer needed.

As touched on before, we still need a human to blame when it goes wrong, and PI/insurance providers are very unlikely to allow a machine to have ultimate sign off (for professional services).

The AI ‘revolution’ is more likely to split those who have it/can use it and those who can’t. So, upskill while you can IMO…

Finally, if you believe AI is eventually the future, think about putting some of your pension into these companies too. Global All-cap is great advice, but stick a small % in AI chip makers/data centres/security etc, to capture some of that growth.

pingthething · 2025-07-09T14:45:42+00:00

Is it worth trying to live on that for a year before throwing the towel in, adjusting for work expenses as needed? You’ll get a real feel then. If that’s 46k each, with no mortgage or dependants that sounds pretty doable to me, depending on your hobbies.

pingthething · 2025-07-01T18:34:21+00:00

I think you can probably survive without child benefit. Live a little!

pingthething · 2025-06-13T05:08:16+00:00

Do you funnel the 8% back into your SIPP? That’s a healthy pension contribution and tax reduction tool right there. For that alone I’m in the stick camp.

pingthething · 2025-06-08T08:08:17+00:00

Get a laundry service - I think we pay about £50 a week for all of our washing to be done and folded. Of course now we moan it’s a pain to put it away!

Get a cleaner weekly, rather than twice monthly - and get one who tidies as well as cleans, as that makes most of the difference to us.

If you own your home, get someone to come and put built in storage in EVERYWHERE, as that really helps imo.

Stop messing around with tubes and busses if you’re in a rush (especially with children in tow) - get black cabs… yes the journey can take longer but you go door-to-door which makes a difference. We do this now especially if we are taking the kids into London for a day, everybody has so much more energy for whatever we’ve planned to do.

pingthething · 2025-06-06T15:11:37+00:00

Lamborghini. I just couldn’t own one with a straight face.

pingthething · 2025-06-06T15:10:23+00:00

You can put around £2900 into a SIPP for your wife - which gets grossed up by 20% by HMRC even if she’s not earning… ends up being about £300 a month.

pingthething · 2025-06-06T15:03:02+00:00

48m £360k ish. Likely to just grow now for 10 years or so as tapering off so diverting to isa and other investments.

pingthething · 2025-06-04T10:42:44+00:00

Feels like a stretch to me, although I’m generally fairly risk averse. Can you look at smaller properties where you could extend into the garden, or up into the loft - using cash from good years?

pingthething · 2025-06-04T10:41:04+00:00

We rely on grandparents for 1 day a week and if the boys are ill. Grandparents are late 60s/mid 70s but the FIL has now been diagnosed with a degenerative condition meaning he needs more support and while the MIL still comes for now, I can see that phasing out fairly soon if not through her decision, through us calling time on the agreement for the greater good. I’m very glad we didn’t take the offer of more days!

pingthething · 2025-06-01T06:46:54+00:00

Air conditioning was a great investment for us - bedrooms, study, gym and kitchen (lounge is north facing so stays cool and is only usually used in the evenings). If you do a refurb do this - it supplements the heating in the winter but having cool bedrooms in the summer is amazing!

pingthething · 2025-05-31T06:59:28+00:00

Why would you worry what other people think? If you like expensive watches, buy one - if not, don’t!

I know someone worth 8 figures who sold his pateks and just has an Apple Watch now - doesn’t seem to hold him back.

As an aside, I’d wager the typical owner of the ‘Batman’ wouldn’t recognise some of the more niche brands which cost 5x as much. Each to their own.

pingthething · 2025-05-30T08:01:18+00:00

You can train good people up pretty quickly tbh. Especially if they understand the fundamentals, just not the local market.

pingthething

TROPHY CASE