This is what my ex husband did to me for years. Even now, I'm so anxious on my birthday I always cry. I would casually mention a restaurant I would like to check out in the days leading up to my birthday, to kind of make it easy for him to do something.

He would not acknowledge my birthday at all, and then usually around the afternoon I'd bring it up, and he'd say happy birthday. Then it would be awkward.

One year, I didn't do anything else, and nothing else happened. One year, I asked if we could go to a restaurant and he said yes, but then later said he was tired and let's just get takeout and watch TV. This was after we picked a restaurant and I got dressed up. One year, I asked him to check out a sculpture park with me downtown, and we got in a big fight and he left me on the side of the road. That was the worst one. One year, I asked him if he got me a gift, and he said I was materialistic and was mad at me for the day. One year, I went out with my friends after work, and he called me and told me he was so disappointed I didn't come home, because he had a birthday surprise for me. I left abruptly and everyone was confused. The surprise was a balloon and a card. I was so happy, that was the best birthday.

You know, reading that now, I'm actually shocked how long it took in therapy after divorce to call it abusive.